Posted by tina on August 1, 2000, at 17:05:37
In reply to Re: What's With This Anyway, Damn!, posted by mark on August 1, 2000, at 15:04:03
Thanks Mark. I felt like such a hypocrite answering your down day post with a "light at the end of the tunnel" speech and then I fell into a big nasty hole of my own. I really appreciate the big hug and "new" people are always welcome here especially when they care as much as you do. thank you
Have a peaceful day
Tina
PS: I hate the "whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger" crap too!Hi Tina,
>
> I'm new to the board so I don't know ya, but I still want to send you a great big hug.
>
> I can empathize a little bit with what you're going through lately. I got on some new
> meds and really felt great for a while. I'm sure everyone knows the rap "These are great!
> Finally the one that's going to work! Blahblahblah" And then, wham! I'm down again. And I
> lay in bed thinking, "Ok God, I'm ready. Take me now. I'm tired of dealing with it." or
> I'm driving to work and think about crashing into a pole or something. And if I hear one
> more person say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" I'm going to come un-glued!
>
> But deep down inside there's this little glimmer of hope. It lets me know that I'm going to
> be ok. And when I hold onto it someone smiles at me, or says something kind, or whatever. And
> I know it's going to be ok. I just know that it will be ok.
>
>
> > Thanks for all your kind thoughts guys and gals. It means a lot to have so many people care.
> > An update: today's worse than yesterday. I did sleep last night but had dreams of being hurt or killed and found them strangely comforting. I was thinking of taking a bike ride into on-coming traffic today. I am oddly not afraid of this, is that a bad sign? I actually look forward to a day that a car swerves out of control and "takes me out" or I forget to look both ways before crossing and get creamed. Maybe even a nasty virus or bacteria will claim me. It really doesn't scare me. I think I''ve lost my fight, I'm too tired. Just when I get a handle on this depression, it comes back with a vengeance. I am so tired that I don't even care anymore. i am no longer going to look forward to the day the depression stops, it's never going to. The light at the end of the tunnel flickers on and off and I just can't look at it anymore, it's hurting my eyes. I'm not going to walk in that tunnel anymore. I'm just going to lie down, close my eyes and sleep. I give up. Too tired to fight anymore.
poster:tina
thread:41870
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000729/msgs/41947.html