Posted by ksvt on July 30, 2000, at 21:23:35
In reply to Re: Thanks.., posted by Phil on July 30, 2000, at 8:07:29
> It's good to be back. For a while, I couldn't sit still long enough to even do any decent lurking.
> My birthday a few weeks back was the lowest point I've probably ever reached; love those anniversaries!
> I think I've just been procrastinating on doing the actions I must do to get well. I do know what helps my depression, along w/ meds, and have been avoiding ANYTHING that could help me.
> I, like so many others, have a shame based system I operate from and it just keeps telling me that I don't deserve better. I do deserve better, as does everyone that suffers, but I really get frustrated and angry that I 'seem' to have to try so hard just to, say, have fun or relax.
> It's a vicious cycle that I know all too well.
> Any of this sound familiar? : 0
> Thanks for responing to my post and hello to all the rest here at Babble central.
> Hey, I think I may get talkative again.
>
> Phil
Phil - obviously one of the most insidious things about depressions is that there are things we could be doing to make things better but the depression saps us of the energy or will to do them. In my case, this cycle has gotten worse as time goes on. From an abundance of personal experience, I have more insight now than I used to about why I slip into depressive states and what I could do to avoid, minimize or get out of them. This becomes a heavy load to carry around. I don't necessarily feel like I don't deserve to feel better, but I do sometimes feel that I must subconciously not want to get better. I know there are things I can do to lessen the risk of depressions; I can sometimes see a depression coming on; I know there are things I can do to try to get myself out of a depression. Since I feel that I should be able to control these things so much better, I blame myself for a massive lack of will. Is this anything like what you're describing? On some intellectual level, I know it's all a big trap, but one I fall into with great ease and agility. I hope you do get talkative again. ksvt
poster:ksvt
thread:41681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000729/msgs/41808.html