Posted by kerry B on July 8, 2000, at 1:00:07
In reply to kerry B from Kath » kerry B, posted by Kath on July 6, 2000, at 21:07:03
> Hi Kerry - Thx for your note. I'll answer through it.
>
> > Hi Kath,
> > Thanks again for your lovely message. I do plan to do something nice for myself during the week and it works out that I haven't really much housework to do as I have done it bit by bit this week, so the place won't fall apart just in a week. I am so much looking forward to it but I will probably spend all my time on here, knowing me.
>
> .............I'm glad you plan to do stuff for yourself. Let me know if you get your hair done. I find I can spend an inordinate amount of time here & I have to watch that it doesn't get out of control. The thing is, there are certain people who I seem to particularly relate to (just like in "in-person" life, I guess) & I care about them & what happens to them, so want to check in!
>
>
> > I just love to lay in the bath with candles burning, I find that so relaxing and it gives me time to think! I also want to have my hair tidied up, I have neglected it lately, being so pre-occupied with not feeling good, so if I can get over this drowsiness from the meds I'm on'I shall go to the hairdresser and be at the mercy of the scissors!
> > I'm sorry, I couldn't find your post from yesterday about your situation.
>
> ..........That post is below this one; it's dated yesterday & is titled something about "nice weekend; yucky homecoming" or something like that.
>
> I read one about your daughter and it sounded like she is doing well on her meds. Hope so. Does she suffer from depression? It's a horribe thing to go through as I have that part in my illness as well.
>
> ................She has had depression and panic attacks & social anxiety probably all her life I now think. She has been on Mannerix for about 4 weeks & feels it kicking in now. She does extremely well with it. She has taken it 2 times before & stopped once because she felt "better" & felt she didn't need it. The second time she stopped because she didn't know if the "her on Mannerix" was REALLY her or just a chemically-induced her! She now realizes that depression can cause her to feel a certain way and if she takes the meds for the proper amount of time, it is possible that she might feel better even when she stops taking it.
>
> > Do you know where your son has gone? It is a worry. Does he have depression as well? Sorry for asking, hope you don't mind.
>
> .............I don't mind anybody asking me anything! I would just say if I didn't feel comfortable answering. I'm pretty hard to offend! My son spoke to me on the phone today; actually, he walked into our back yard when I was talking on the phone. He walked past me & put his jacket down. He looked extremely guilty. Phoned me shortly after & said "what's up" or something like that! He admitted to stealing the $160. from my purse. I'd made a list for him of house-finding resources, shelters, help-lines, etc & put a $10 phone card with them. On the phone I suggested he call his worker from his day-treatment/school (which just recently ended). I checked the phone & he'd called from his friend's, 2 doors away. I saw him later, walking down the street. He asked on the phone if he could get the support money that his biological dad sends me & get himself a place for the summer & deduct the $160 from the first payment!!!!!!!
> He might be despressed, but marijuana is a depressant anyway, so he's been taking a depressant for well over a year & a half on a pretty-well daily basis! He's been involved with social workers, etc. & has had a psychiatrist test him for depression. They didn't suggest medication. He has certain issues (some with his bio-dad) that he knows are bothering him tremendously & I think he's self-medicating. No displays like your son's.
>
> > I had my 18 yr old staying with me for 7 months and then one day he said he was going to the city and said he would be home on the Monday as it was a Friday when he left.
> > Monday came and he never showed up. I was worried and tried to contact him on his mobile but there was never any answer. To cut a long story short, four weeks passed and I made contact with him. He hadn't remembered himself telling me when he would be home. Actually, observing him here, I do believe he has problems but I'm not sure what at this stage.
> > I have witnessed him shouting at himself and then answering himself and things like that and I asked him one day about it and he had no recollection of it. It worries me but it is out of my hands now as he never came back, he stayed in the city and is still there.
> > Being a mother is so hard. It is added stress, but believe me, they, the kids, survive but as mothers we worry for them.
> > I do hope you hear from your son!!!!! He must have somewhere that he is going. Are you able to talk to him about it in a matter of fact way? Maybe that will help you find out what he's doing?
>
> ..............He did phone & we talked calmly, but he has his mind set on getting his own place with the support money so he didn't want to talk of anything else. Since he has addiction problems & hasn't displayed a speck of ability with financial management it would be ludicrous to give him money like that.
>
> > Please try not to worry, you know there is always someone watching over him, just keep that in mind!!!!!
> .............That's the think I hang onto. It does help alot.
>
> > I best go now as everyone is awake and I must get ready to do the shopping.
> > Take care Kath!!!!!!!!
> >
> > Kerry
>
> .......I really appreciate your support.
> Thanks & do take care & keep in touch.
>
> Kath
Hi Kath,
Thanks for your message. I'll start by saying that I did have my hair fixed up. I had about 4 inches taken off as it was all dead ends and looked quite a mess but now it's much better and feels better too. I don't feel so bad about it now and it is easier to look after, just shoulder length now!
I am the same as you with spending time on here, I just can't seem to get away and when I look at the time, I think, "where's it gone"? But I love it on here, the people are so very nice and helpful. I think, if it had not have been for this, I would have been very alone but finding this site (I don't know how I did) really helped me understand a lot of what I was going through and the support was tremendous!!!!!!
I am glad your daughter has realized the benfit of the meds. It is very confusing when you start to feel different, actually funtioning and as she has done, going of the meds, I have done that too in the past with not very good results. I thought I was on top of the world and so happy, but it didn't take long for my world to come crashing down!! I think it takes a lot of understanding to know what it feels like to feel normal if you know what I mean, I find it very hard even today to know how I'm supposed to feel and what a normal feeling is. You sound like a great mum, so supportive of her, I think she is a lucky girl to have you!!!
Sorry about your son. My eldest son is also into the marijuana and the last time I saw him, he confessed to me that he was. As a matter of fact, he snuck out the back and had it and when he came back inside I looked at him and gently confronted him about it. I just told him to be careful, that there are dangers and terrible side affects that can come from it and that I am always here if he needs to talk or just have support. He was O.K about it, inside my heart I was crying but I couldn't let him know that.
It's good that your son admitted to taking the $160.00 from you, and I agree with you, it would be a bad idea to give him the money his bio-dad sends you because we know where that would go.
Sometimes, and in situations like this, we have to be cruel to be kind!
Sometimes they can hold a grudge against us thinking we are the meanest mums in the world but I think let it be that way because in the end, they find the right direction along the way. They might go through some really tough times but that is the only way for them to learn. Parents are not the doorway to easy street as some kids think.
The only real way to sort out the things that are bothering him is to talk about them, that's easy to say because they don't take advice lightly, but you never know, he might just turn around when things get too much for him one day and ask for help.
All we can do as parents, is be there for them, as you are doing, do the cruel to be kind bit and pray!!!!
Hope this has been of some help. I am only going by my own experience in these matters and they seem to have worked for me, not all the time of course, but alot of it. I shall hold you and your kids in my prayers if you like and hope things improve for you and for them.
Hang in there! You sound like a wonderful mum and person so don't let it get you down, just take one day at a time and when you wake up each morning, say a little prayer for the events that will take place that day and hand them over.
Better go now, I have to do the lovely job of ironing the kids clothes so as I can pack them for their week with Grandma!!!!!Bye for now.....Kerry
poster:kerry B
thread:39399
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000630/msgs/39762.html