Posted by Kay on May 15, 2000, at 1:30:26
In reply to Re: I beg to differ ..., posted by Noa on May 13, 2000, at 12:58:42
> I think there is room for different styles.
Reading all the responses (thanx, guys) has helped me realize there's no one way the therapeutic relationship should be approached.
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>But Kay is clearly uncomfortable with how this therapy has started out.Good point--I guess if I were totally comfortable with this, I probably wouldn't have asked the question.
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>A question I have is whether the therapist, in picking up on your discomfort in opening up and beginning to discuss feelings, has "accidentally" stepped into a role with you that might be played by someone else in your life, or that your wish someone would.Ohhh, that is a really good point. I have NO friends who are geographically close, so really no ongoing social relationships in which to exchange the kind of chit-chat which my sessions most often seem to consist of.
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> I think the best course of action is to tell your therapist what you told us: that you are having unsettled feelings about how much she is disclosing to you, and that even though it feels safe to not have to go into your own difficult business yet, you have a sense that she should be helping you do that, rather than colluding with you to avoid it. If she is a therapist with any modicum of competence, she will handle this with poise, and be able to own her role in this dynamic.Just thinking about being that assertive gives me a panic attack. Although he has helped me with some situations that were causing me social anxiety by providing me with exactly the words to say (as you did).
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> Another thought is to have a consultation with another therapist, with or without your current therapist's knowledge. This might allow you to see another therapist's style, to compare them and ask yourself about what it feels like to be with each of them, but also might be helpful in guiding you and your current therapist out of what seems to you to be an unproductive path and onto a better one.Crud. Panic attack again. Have to be assertive AND talk to somebody I don't know. But I also have a tendency to tell my therapist, "I can't possibly do that," and then somehow go ahead and do it.
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> BTW, in answer to your question, I know some things about my therapist, but not a lot of things. Some of the things I learned during a period when his wife was dying of cancer, and after her death, and it affected our meeting times, etc. Over the years, I have occasionally asked some questions, and while he has answered some, we have also explored the effects of whether he answers or not on how I feel in therapy.
Very few of the things I know are in response to questions which I have directly asked. I mean, if he said his dad lived in Montana I might say, "Oh, where in Montana--I lived there for 10 years?" But I wouldn't just say, "Where does your dad live?"Transference isn't a problem--I guess I know him too well to think our interests match. And he hasn't helped me so *tremendously* that I'm in love with him out of awe and gratitude.
As someone else (bob?) mentioned, maybe I'm just not quite ready to change. But I've been seeing him over a year and am frustrated with how little progress I've made.
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> Good luck and keep us posted.Thanks, I will
Kay
poster:Kay
thread:33299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000508/msgs/33460.html