Posted by Sara T on May 14, 2000, at 23:23:09
In reply to How Well Do You Know Your Therapist?, posted by Kay on May 12, 2000, at 15:47:06
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Wow!! Is this a great thread. I never thought I'd see this being discussed. But I'm so glad.I see a female therapist, and a male pdoc. The female therapist I do happen to know quite abit about as I have known her for many years now and also have known her outside of her therapist role, although not necessarily as a friend. It doesn't seem to bother me. I like knowing something about her because I want a flesh and blood person hearing me out. But on the other hand, I've never been all that interested in finding out more about the docs or therapists I've dealt with.
I can say that I have had therapists who didn't interact with me much and those were the ones I quit very quickly.
Now, transferrance is something that I've only experienced very strongly with another female therapist in my past and I couldn't help seeing her as my mother. But recently I had an experience with a psychologist that I took my son to see. This particular man was very clinical from the outset and I wasn't really bowled over by his charm. But he's nice enough and well qualified and seemed to be sincerely interested in my son. One time, he and I were discussing some behavior charts I was making up for my son and we found ourselves getting into the subject of creating these charts and suddenly I felt like we had connected. It was a "moment" we shared, I think. It was for me, and I think it was for him, but I'll never know that.
Anyway, I left there with the biggest crush on him and that's never happened to me before. I felt embarrassed, like I was totally transparent. And I knew that it was not appropriate so I went to my therapist and talked it over with her. Impulse control is not my forte, so I wanted her to be my mother and tell me what an unwise thing it would be to become involved with this man. She obliged me and although I still had a crush on the man I decided that I would continue to work with him on my son's issues. I did so because of his particular expertise, and I decided to do my best to stuff my feelings.
Interesting how powerful transferrance feelings can be. I couldn't understand why I felt so strongly towards a man who wasn't all that attractive physically, who came off as rather clinical and distant and about whom I know nothing. But my therapist pointed out that he and I had indeed shared an intimate moment in working with my child. I guess that I am just lonely enough (my marriage has not been intimate in awhile) to make me vulnerable.
I don't see this fellow much. In fact, I learned that he is no longer on my insurance. But he recently agreed to do some retesting on my son. during those sessions he seemed to be making an effort to put distance between himself and myself. It made me feel uncomfortable and angry. I kind of felt like he wanted to be rid of us and like bad pennies, we keep showing up. Was that him not handling the whole transferrance/countertransferrance thing well?
I think I would have felt better if we had both acknowledged that shared "moment" and then reestablished boundaries. Can that be done?I think at this point we might be better off going on to another person, esp. since he's not on my HMO anymore.
I've never really liked going to see male therapists, and this experience will probably steer me away from them even more. I don't trust males as much anyway, so I'm not as open with them. I even feel wierd talking to my pdoc about hormone treatments I take.
But, I will take that "moment" and own it, in my own heart, as a nice thing that happened, nothing more. I hope he does the same.
Sorry for the ramble, I needed to let this out.
Sara T
poster:Sara T
thread:33299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000508/msgs/33454.html