Posted by tina on May 10, 2000, at 16:26:40
In reply to Re: It's all going hairy again, posted by NikkiT on May 10, 2000, at 16:03:23
It does make a lot of sense to me though it may not to others. I've been in therapy before(short periods only) and have tried to get to the root of the cause but with no luck. I WAS abused as a kid and wasn't able to talk about it until I was 18. I think I felt so bad and dirty that to this day I still feel I need to be punished for it. I always reproach myself for not being strong enough or brave enough to tell anyone, they might have stopped it, but I also feel that it was my fault somehow, that I encouraged the attention. I think thats why I do it but I have so much trouble stopping myself, i feel soooo much better after. I do it BECAUSE others won't punish me when I believe I deserve to be punished. Were there people who would openly criticize you in your past? My mother was very hard on me, never behaved the correct way when in public but there was never punishment from her, she just made me feel worthless and undervalued. Ubless I was perfect, I didn't warrant her attention so of course I was as bad as I could be. I learned to punish myself since she would not even take the time to pay attention enough when I behaved badly. Well, enough about me, I am however concerned about the way you feel. Have you investigated your past to figure out if it stems from there, something you don't think is relevant could be very impacting on your present. Take good care of yourself, thinking of you. there are many here who can give you good advice and ways to cope or just support and an open ear. Keep babblin' and it'll get better.
> I've only been on the effexor 4 weeks now. I certainly feel very different on it, but not sure whether good or bad different...
>
> Tina - Not sure I want to self harm.. It's more a feeling of needing to punished by others.. Does that make sense??
>
> Nikki
>
> > Nikki,
> >
> > How long have you been on the Effexor? Is that the only drug you're on?
> >
> > Karen
poster:tina
thread:33015
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000508/msgs/33092.html