Posted by tina on May 10, 2000, at 12:00:07
In reply to It's all going hairy again, posted by NikkiT on May 10, 2000, at 6:24:19
Nikki: Please don't start the self-harm thing. I started it years ago and now it's my way OUT of every negative feeling I ever have. It's kind of an addiction now and I can't really control it. Please, please don't start it. I know exactly how you feel at work. I lost my job over it. I was late and absent and just not performing well. I hated the job anyway so it wasn't too sad my leaving it. Anyway, can you identify anything that is causing you to be so scared al the time? I never can, it just comes out of the blue. Talk to your pdoc and let me know how you're doing, ok? Please, really, don't let yourself start cutting. Be well--Tina
> OK, maybe I just need a rant! The effexor has defintaley calmed my mood swings etc, and I am a much easier person to live and deal with now, but I feel so damned rubbish in myself. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel in a state of panic most of the time, amd having huge difficulty facing up to anything (mainly work, I've been 3 hours late 3 days running now). I'm sititng here, at work, on the verge of tears for no reason, too scared to go get any lunch, and feelig sick because of the butterflies / tension in my stomach.
>
> I thought Effexor would help with the "social phobia" side of everything? I'm scared I'm gonna lose my job soon as I'm getting too scared to come here.
> I'm still sleeping badly, and this morning, I woke up early, but simply hid under the covers for 3 hours... Why?? And, I was having strange thoughts about pain - Not harming myself as such, but I felt I ought to be punished for feelingt he way I do, and it should be physical punishment (the idea I had in my head was a whipping my back). I'm scared cos I really seem to WANT to be caused physical pain right now, and is this only one step away from self harming??
>
> I'm seeing doc tomorrow, but kinda needed a rant now, to try and calm myself down. I'm fed up of going two steps forward, and 3 steps back...
>
> Nikki
poster:tina
thread:33015
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000508/msgs/33053.html