Posted by harry b. on March 17, 2000, at 21:14:29
In reply to Re: On the other hand...., posted by Adam on March 17, 2000, at 16:04:09
> I hope things go well, harry. It's always good to err on the side of caution. I can't tell you how you should feel about this guy, but it is this psychobabbler's oppinion that if he can't accept you as you are, he is not really your friend. I don't think it's devious to feel him out on his attitudes without outing yourself. If the world were a just place, you would have no worries, but, without being too much of a pessimist, people aren't always as tolerant as they should be, and you don't need a lot of grief right now. I think some day you will have left the closet happily behind you, but there's no hurry. Take care of yourself.
>
> Adam**************************************************
Thanks Adam.I did not even try to get an opinion from him today.
He was waiting for me outside my day program. He
appeared to be really down in the dumps. He had been
trying to call me this week but was using an incorrect
#, so we hadn't talked in several days.His immediate problem was that he had no money and wanted to
cancel our plans. When he had his stroke several
years ago, his wife gained control of his assets
and forced him out of their home. He had owned a
business, employing 40 people, and was comfortable
financially. Now his wife still controls the finances
and gives him no money. Social security benefits are his
only income. He has physical handicaps from his stroke
and can only perform menial tasks, thus no ability
to earn his own money.I told him that dinner & the movie would be my treat.
I, myself, was pretty low today but just being with
him makes me feel good. I tried to cheer him up,
actually got him to laugh a bit, and he enjoyed
the movie. I asked if he needed my company tonight,
because I was concerned about his low mood, but he said
he was tired and wanted to go home and go to bed.
I asked if he needed money for food or gasoline but
he refused. I'm angry at myself for not being more
insistant about that, but he does have a son & a
daughter who live near him and who are very supportive.When we were leaving the movie, I told him he should
zip up his jacket, because it was cold & windy. He
replied that he couldn't (he has lost all function of
his right arm and hand). I zipped his jacket for
him and he thanked me. I told him to never be
afraid to ask for my assistance. His eyes filled
with tears. I'm worried about him and will probably
call him tomorrow to make sure he's Ok.We did not hug tonight, but I held his hand for
a minute or two before we parted. This is a new
experience for me. I'm feeling down and very needy,
but being able to help him, trying to get him
to smile, to listen to him express his problems
and to just be there for him makes me feel good
and worthy. It also takes my mind off my own
problems. I've lost the urgency to speak about
sexuality. He and I both need to work on getting
well, I think we will remain friends for a long
time.harry
poster:harry b.
thread:26935
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000312/msgs/27399.html