Posted by harry b. on March 13, 2000, at 23:53:56
I have not said this specifically, but if you've read
between the lines you probably know.If the spectrum of sexuality is 0=strictly heterosexual
and 5=true bisexuality and 10=strictly homosexual,
I would be a 7, maybe even an 8.That is the core issue of my depression. I have known
of my sexuality since I was 15yrs old. I hated it then
and I still hate it now. I basically hate myself for
what I am. That of course has led to my isolation.
It's a paradox. I'm afraid if I tell people, they will
reject me. To avoid the perceived rejection, I hide it
and isolate myself, thus self-creating my loneliness
and rejection. The recent crisis with my old friend
put me over the edge.I'm masculine, have no 'gay' affectations and I can 'pass'
as a straight man anywhere. I'm nearly 50yrs old and have
decided that I'd best try to accept and love myself.
If I can manage that, maybe, just maybe, I could find
the loving, intimate relationship that I so desperately
feel a need for.My new friend is a bit of a puzzle. I'm attracted to him
because of his open, kind, loving nature. Not because
he's a hunk, because he isn't. That's the kind of
relationship I yearn for. Based on trust, caring, and
love, not limited to physical appearance.If anyone has any rude or prejudiced comments to make,
keep them to yourselves. I've called myself things that
you sure couldn't top.Anyway, welcome to harry's coming out party. It's a
start.
poster:harry b.
thread:26935
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000312/msgs/26935.html