Posted by Noa on February 25, 2000, at 15:22:28
In reply to Feeling hopeless, posted by Ellen on February 25, 2000, at 7:28:19
Babble on, babble on. I do it all the time. I figure if it is boring, people can skip it, or skim it. That is one of the benefits of this medium.
I know hopelessness very intimately. A lot of us do. And when you are in it, you feel so very alone. And tormented.
The folks here have helped to keep me going, and hanging on to a shred of hopefulness. Feeling hopeful scares the daylights out of me, because I have been doublecrossed by my hopefullness with each of the many many relapses in my life. And I am terrified of that hopeless place you describe. That is why, when I first read your post, I did not respond right away. It rang so close to home and I usually try to avoid thinking about the "traumatic" aspect of the cyclicity of my illness. But I need to face it. And I wanted to reach out to you.
I wish I could reach out and offer you some of my hopefullness; that I had a pure, unsullied, unrestrained hopefullness to share with you. I don't. I am not sure what I am offering. It is hopefullness about hopefullness, or a shred of my shred of hopefullness. I wish I could offer more. I have placed myself on the track that travels in the direction of hopefullness, and in doing so I am acting as if I am hopefull. And I am trying to BE hopefull, tho I can't say yet that deep down, it is truly a genuine solid sense of hope.
That's it. I can offer you to travel with me, to act as if we believe it will be better, and make good decisions based on this "role", and to enjoy the little moments when little bits of hope rub off on us along the way.
poster:Noa
thread:23751
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000220/msgs/23816.html