Posted by Brenda on February 24, 2000, at 11:15:52
In reply to Re: Multitasking, posted by Noa on February 24, 2000, at 7:42:56
> Thanks, all.
>
> I ended up giving the higher dose of lithium at bedtime a try--I guess I was eager to start the additional 300. So I took 900 last night and 600 this morning. I actually only had one bathroom trip during the night, although it was only a 4 hour night (up late on Babble!) I took the extra .0125 of synthroid this am, on top of the usual dose.
>
> The "Shoulds": at this point, a large share of the "shoulds" are my own, although I am sure I am still trying to achieve some unattainable emotional acceptance from my internalized parents. Relatively speaking, I am not a particularly driven person at all, but I do want to improve my skills and develop my career in a way that makes me feel some satisfaction. Also, when not depressed, I find a lot of things interesting, and want to pursue them, but haven't had the ability to follow through consistently either because I overextend myself, or because I get depressed. This may be my "manic" side, using the term loosely. I find so much interesting, and have ideas for projects to pursue, etc. In contrast, when I am depressed, not much interests me at all. Often I am around people who can do things with ease that are hard for me, and to them I can SEEM like someone who can also do them with ease. I can get caught up in the interest thing and find myself wanting to be a person who can do those things, rather than accepting myself as I am.
>
> Money or Life: sounds like an interesting book--I'll look for it at the library (trying oh so hard to use the public library more, and Barnes and Noble less, because even when I just go to read at B&N, I run the risk of an impulse buy). But I do want to say, for me, the career thing has and probably never will be about having more money, because I don't ever actually HAVE money, it just passes through. My job is decent and pays somewhat adequately, relative to some other comparable jobs I see in the papers. But barely adequate to the high cost of living around here (including all my medical/psychiatric costs)and not adequate to cost of living plus debts. Cutting back professionally might mean losing out on a potential small increase in income (potential is the key word, because my depression squashed much of the effort that could have put me in a position to have this additional income), but it wouldn't have been a big difference. The difference would have been more in skill development, career development, interesting work to do, etc.Noa - I wonder if you are on the east or west coast re high cost of living in your area. It's a real catch-22 isn't it. Our income dropped by 3/4 when my husband went back to law school full-time and I started a business at home. We are in our early 40's and were living quite comfortably, so I have major empathy with your situation. Dealing with the DIS-ease, the meds and the pressures of life, family, security, professional, etc., is overwhelming at times. We now live in a very small home we own, with 4 dogs, and I share my little home office with my husband. I made this choice - or rather we did - still doesn't make it any easier. Know all to well about the high cost of treating our depression. Our insurance - before out of pocket, meds, etc. is about $400 a month. But we have to stay insured so I can be treated for my depression. Once your meds get stabilized, I imagine some of your desire for an increase in professional development will follow. Do you like the work you do? Sometimes when all else fails I'll use the AA 12-steps for my depression. Takes some of the monkey off my back to turn it over for some help to somebody more powerful than I. Gotta let it go once in a while. Take care. You're in our thoughts.
poster:Brenda
thread:23436
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000220/msgs/23544.html