Posted by torchgrl on February 9, 2000, at 1:32:36
In reply to Re: MY PERSONAL CELL IN HELL, posted by Cindy W on February 8, 2000, at 22:00:48
Cheryl,
I wound up taking "stress leave" from my last job for 3 months because I just couldn't go back--can you take any additional time as part of long-term disability through your work? If not, maybe you can start going back just a couple of days a week or something... It's hard enough dealing with depression without having to deal with work at the same time, I know.
I also understanding not being in a "place" where you feel you can take the steps that you need to to help yourself, as I have been there several times. I wish there was something magical I could say that would suddenly change that... Even if you feel like you "can't" go to the outpatient treatment, try to make yourself go--being in therapy was the only way I felt at all like I wasn't trying to do it all alone. And it's one action that you can take that can lead to helping you, even if it doesn't look like it right now. If the reason you don't want to go is that you don't like the people there, try to find another facility--I wound up finding a therapist that I liked who also had a sliding-scale fee at a community mental health center (look in the yellow pages).
I have not exactly been the over-achieving daughter (i.e. most gainfully employed one), and have been dealing with depression off and on for ages, and my parents have more than once had to help me out financially. I really hated that they did it, thought the same things about myself that you mention, and sometimes still do, but realise that your parents would much rather help you as much as they can than watch you suffer. It's hard sometimes to accept that we need a LOT of help at times--I'm very into being self-sufficient, so it drives me nuts.
I also get sick of dealing with the different meds, doctors etc; it's frustrating that there's not a systematic, guaranteed way to get to a better mental/emotional place. Many of us have been dealing with these issues much longer than any of us would have wanted to. I've even talked about that in therapy, that I'm tired of feeling broken and just want to be fixed, already! Just know that one of these days, you will find the right medication or combination to bring you back to feeling able to cope on your own and live your life again; you have to keep trying. I'm sure we'll all be thinking about you and hoping that things start looking better soon! This is a great place for support from people who are or have been in the same dark place that you are right now...
poster:torchgrl
thread:20795
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000128/msgs/20847.html