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Re: Lair Update

Posted by Noa on February 4, 2000, at 3:26:56

In reply to Re: Lair Update, posted by Cindy W on February 3, 2000, at 20:54:29

Cindy, I had another thought about why it is hard for me to get rid of some things even though I know I haven't used them and am unlikely to need them.

I think a lot (not all, but a lot) of the stuff I hold on to represents some kind of failure I feel about myself, like something I failed to complete, or some way I did not meet expectations. For example, any kind of reading material started but not completed, whether for pleasure, for professional purposes, or for a class I started but stopped attending. Or little "projects" started and left undone, or incomplete. Anything from crafts to things I clipped to send to friends, to half written letters never finished or sent, etc. Or, barely worn clothes that don't fit because of gained weight.

I think that by holding on to stuff, I am postponing facing the fact that I "failed" in each of these ways. Failed to meet an expectation I set for myself. For me, this means Failed with the captial F, confirming that inner sense of being a Failure, no good, rotten, etc. So, holding on to stuff, for me, is an avoidance mechanishm. It both helps to avoid being conscious of the "schema" (core belief)of being a Failure, and I think it also helps to maintain that "schema".

Cindy, thanks for this dialogue about holding on to stuff--it helped me make this connection.


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poster:Noa thread:20422
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000128/msgs/20501.html