Posted by Kath on April 16, 2007, at 11:46:51
In reply to Re: Just thought I'd try to see if anyone answers » tina, posted by allisonm on April 15, 2007, at 16:42:50
> Hey Tina!
>
> Let's you and I go over to Kath's and kick Jay's butt. What do you think?? :-)********LOL - kick away!!! (PLUS it'd be SO nice to see you both!)
>sorry that you still have all of these worries. At his age, one would hope that Jay would be grown up enough to conduct himself in a positive and responsible way and not have to use drugs to quell all real and imagined problems.
*****I agree. I've started to go to Nar-Anon (for family & friends of addicts) - last night was my second meeting. It's going to be VERY supportive for me to 'get my life back' & learn to be less affected by HIS stuff. The weird thing is that to a large extent, it's me who gets myself involved. Even in December when he was in Vancouver & was psychotic & hearing voices telling him to do away with himself etc, he didn't tell me. For weeks, when I asked how he was, he'd just say "Oh not great" or "not doing too great, but it'll be OK". Stuff like that. At that point, I didn't ask questions; just said "Oh I'm sorry to hear that; luv ya & I hope things get better" etc. It was only on Boxing Day that he sounded SOOOOOOOOO awful that I asked straight out "Jay, are you suicidal?" & there was a pause after which he said, 'No'. Then he spoke with his sister & after that, he called her back & said that he'd lied to me & felt bad about it.
HE is my addiction!!! So I'm going to Nar-Anon & it really emphasizes that the addict has a disease - both physical & mental - & that we have NO control over the addict's actions/inactions, etc.
It's a real roller coaster & I agree with the stuff you said, Alli, but he IS an addict. Granted, at this point, he's an addict who doesn't even WANT to stop doing drugs. Maybe some day he'll be an addict who DOES want to stop, or at least see the need to stop.******I am sorry if I sound callous. It bothers me that you are hurting and it just seems like such a waste and a heartache that you don't deserve. I'd like to give Jay a big kick in the butt and (somehow) deliver a big dose of reality.
****You don't sound callous to me. I see your points absolutely.********
I feel badly that he cannot handle his own affairs and that he keeps you wound up in this pointless soap opera. It isn't fair. You have been through so much. You and Jay are at an age where you both should be able to live your own lives without one bringing the other down.
****Once again, I agree. This morning I met with his HOPE worker. We'll be having another meeting to iron out some points. I asked her to help me around setting a boundary in place that I don't want Jay to connect with me/contact me - haven't got the wording down yet - when he's using (not sure of that wording either yet). It feels good to be setting that boundary in place. Feels good to be starting to take care of ME. I've already told him that if he gets in any trouble with the law as a result of drugs, I am NOT going to be involved. That felt really good.********
I send love and healing thoughts your way.
Alli
******Thanks Alli & thanks Tina. As to what you can do to help - you can encourage me to take care of myself & I suppose, mirror to me when you see me doing so. Also, if you see me NOT doing so, maybe ask me if what I'm doing is in MY best interests. That type of thing.
For me, it helps to be able to talk about things with people. Either in real life, or on the internet.
Alli - please be sure to let us know how the horse therapy works, OK? Also, it might not start to work immediately, so don't give up. How did you hear of it?
hugs to both, Kath
poster:Kath
thread:748184
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20050828/msgs/750271.html