Posted by Racer on October 5, 2006, at 1:46:10
In reply to Re: You made me cry » Racer, posted by finelinebob on October 4, 2006, at 23:40:16
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> > ... although I think I could at least do a hell of a lot better if I had some help, some support, in real life. Too bad I ain't got that, huh?
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> I wouldn't know. But I **know** that I wouldn't know, if it were me. So I don't trust me to know, and rely on the word of others who can prove me wrong on a regular basis. Whenever I feel like I have no one on I whom I can depend, I treat that information as suspect.That makes sense, and I generally agree. Problem is -- I know my life. I know that there's no one I can call in this area to help me. I know that my husband says -- over and over again -- that he wants to do everything to help me. And that's all he does. Says it. It's a major problem right now, in this general set of moments, because -- (I just realized why is an overshare and quite disgusting. It involves a sick cat and an infected toe and the need to clean things...)
That was part of the topic in marriage counseling tonight. The fact that I'm pretty much alone, trying to deal with depression, not functioning, and grief. Without help, because my husband isn't even near the same page. Which is something that adds to teh grief.
> All we have is this present moment. We say when we get this degree we'll be happy. Then we say when we get this job that pays better we'll be happy. Then a house, then a nice car, and we keep putting off being happy, never really being alive in the present moment.
This is one of my rotating signature lines for my email:
There is no heroic poem in the world but is at bottom a biography, the life of a man; also, it may be said there is no life of a man, faithfully recorded, but is a heroic poem of its sort, rhymed or unrhymed.
Thomas Carlyle in essay on Sir Walter ScottTo me, the message I've always gotten is that there's no point in asking, "Are you happy?" The answer ATTHISVERYMINUTE is too changeable -- the really important question is, "Taken together, has your life overall been happier than not?" I know that sounds the opposite of what you wrote, but I think of it as meaning something very similar. AT least, to me, the meanings are quite similar.
Ironically, considering my depression etc, in many ways my life has been happier than not. Funny, huh? (Y'all mostly only see me when I'm in a "not" phase, you know. That's part of why it doesn't seem that way to you...)
Take care. And thank you.
poster:Racer
thread:691584
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20050828/msgs/691997.html