Posted by Racer on August 13, 2004, at 15:38:25
In reply to Are all men heartless pigs?, posted by NikkiT2 on August 13, 2004, at 15:05:41
How awful! I'm so sorry, Nikki.
Some days I think that there's some cosmic manure-o-meter that just hits the "[insert name here] hasn't been buried in it lately..." Most of the time, I can say, "well, it's got to be hard to my husband to [have me in this state/suffer through his life without my assistance/understand how things work on *this* planet/whatever]." And other times I say my ex-bf had it right when he would say, "The moon is in Ca-Ca today."
For what it's worth, yesterday I crashed into a really severe depressive slump, and my husband came home with a backhoe to dig the whole a little deeper for me. Maybe there really was something going around yesterday in some cosmic sense. (<< I grew up in California -- hate that kind of talk, but it does sometimes seem too coincidental when that sort of thing happens at the same time for multiple people separated by distance.)
Anyway, I won't even try to defend your fella -- I don't think he deserves it. There are plenty of countries on this planet that I've never heard of, and I think the fact that your mother is helping at all is more than most people could expect, and the cervical thing -- more on that later -- would scare and upset any woman whose mind was in the same time zone as her body. Add in the rest of the day's stressors, and -- even if you didn't dust the chimneypiece -- I think he could have shown some restraint and tried to offer some comfort.
It won't matter to you now, because the biopsy was so recent, but here's some cervical history of my own: I had to have part of mine removed years back. The fears surrounding pregnancy were pronounced to begin with, the mention of the odd location was devastating, and the 'gee, I don't know if there's enough cervix left to support a fetus to term...' just about sent me off to the happy farm. It took a long time to get over that, and to get the courage up to ask my doctor about it all. Finally, with a doctor whom I trusted and felt comfortable with, I did ask all my questions. She listened, took my fears seriously, and answered thoughtfully. (Man, you better believe I miss her.) Anyway, the cervical location isn't necessarily a big deal. If it's located behind your ear, that would be a problem, but the little swimmers don't have to start out at a starting line -- they can find their way to the cervix without all that much difficulty. Again, it's likely that different positions would make it easier or harder for them, but making babies is not like science experiments in the lab: there's fudge room built in. I have no idea what the bleeding means, although I do remember something about the cervix getting more fragile when it's been handled a lot recently, or possibly during certain phases of the cycle. It might or might not be significant. And size? Has this guy read even as much as I have about the ways to increase the chance of a full term baby in high risk cases? If your cervix is unable to support the weight of a baby -- this was true even back when i had my surgery -- they can do things to support it enough for it to do its job! It's not very nice of him to leave you so worried, especially since it's over unnecessary fears. (Although, I would try to check on the bleeding thing, my guess is that stress might play a part...)
Nikki, I wish I could offer you something more than just works on a screen. Sending you good thoughts, and hope you feel the concern and affection behind these words.
poster:Racer
thread:377270
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040626/msgs/377279.html