Posted by noa on January 18, 2004, at 11:50:03
In reply to Re: being a victim, posted by Racer on January 15, 2004, at 13:43:58
I think doubting one's own perceptions is a key factor. When you grow up with parents who constantly invalidate your own perceptions of things, you are going to develop a lot of self doubt about trusting your own instincts. And if you grow up in an abusive environment, the boundary between what is acceptable and what is not isn't clear at all and is probably in a different place than it would be for people who had safer upbringings. So the safely-raised kids grow up to be adults who can spot a boundary crossing better. They can feel it in their guts that something is making them uncomfortable. The people who grew up being abused or invalidated don't pay heed to the inner gut feeling and may not have the gut feeling kick in until it is too late.
On top of that I think abusers are drawn to these vulnerable types. I've heard that victims are also drawn to abusers. Perhaps. I don't know. I think it possible that the victims are just less skilled at avoiding the abusive types and knowing how to get what they want in life. But I do think the abusers have a way of finding the ones who are vulnerable.
poster:noa
thread:301094
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20031122/msgs/302315.html