Posted by Racer on January 15, 2004, at 13:43:58
In reply to Re: being a victim » judy1, posted by shar on January 15, 2004, at 10:57:18
Shar's certainly hit on something there. One reason for all the continuing victimization is learned behavior on our parts, that we've learned to be passive, vulnerable to the aggressions of others. Because we show that vulnerability through subtle mannerisms and demeanors, aggressive types are drawn to us as easy victims.
Then there's the damage that was done to the aggressors, to make them that way. One example I will give is that some people apparently go into mental health care *in order* to have a steady supply of victims. I've found two hospital workers and one doctor of this type, people who gravitate towards psychiatric work in order to impose themselves on more vulnerable people. Thus, you get a few therapists with, shall we say, their own boundary issues.
Then again, I read a study about treating eating disorders that dealt with the problems therapists face in the course of treatment. It said that the biggest problem for therapists, that they needed to be trained to watch out for, is the tendency to want to protect the patient, and to get more personally attached than is therapeutically appropriate. Wanting, in effect, to be the Good Parent, to Save The Patient. That's still pushing appropriate boundaries, even if it comes from a desire to make it all better, which is a good thing in itself.
Last thought for me on the subject for now, since my husband needs to use the computer:
The other thing is that some of these mental illnesses take on a life of their own. I know I've talked about it before, but we used to call my eating disorder The Beast, because it behaved like a living creature. Even though I knew it was a sickness, even though I knew I needed and wanted to get over it, the patterns were so ingrained that it seemed as if a demon were trying to trick me into staying sick. I know, sounds crazy, but hey, isn't this were psychos come to babble? What I mean is that it's a safety mechanism, a defense strategy, and since it worked to whatever a degree, it's hard to give it up, since we don't have an alternate strategy that we know has worked. Now, does that make more sense?
I guess what I mean is that our behavior is adaptive in that it evolved from our specific situations, and until we have the confidence to let it go and try new behavior, we'll continue to be vulnerable.
(By the way, one problem I've been having lately is the inability to think clearly. Either drug related, or depression related, or brain damage from my suicide attempt over the summer, whatever it is, it's bugging me like you wouldn't believe. If anyone manages to figure out what I meant up there, please -- tell me, huh?)
poster:Racer
thread:301094
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20031122/msgs/301243.html