Posted by Noa on November 29, 1999, at 3:00:53
In reply to Non, je regrette..., posted by Adam on November 29, 1999, at 1:17:18
Wow, Adam. You expressed yourself so beutifully. Yes, I understand the feelings of loss, and for me, there is anger, too, at how much my depression has interfered with my life all these years, and that it isn't possible to go back and change anything. For me, the anger and grieving is so hard to allow myself to feel, because it often feels so futile. I am just now beginning to allow myself to feel the anger. Anger with no target. If I believed in God, maybe I would be angry at God. But so much of my life has been disrupted because of the depression. Sometimes when I am begninning to feel this anger, a voice in my head tells me not to be so self indulgent, that other people have it much worse, etc. But I am trying to ignore that voice, because I think I need to grieve.
It sounds like you handled the holiday well, even the stirring up of feelings from reading the letters. From your eloquent description, I could imagine sitting there, wondering about how different it could have been if your had received treatment much earlier on.
poster:Noa
thread:15903
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991123/msgs/15907.html