Posted by AMY II on November 27, 1999, at 22:55:06
I* was outside talking to a friend of mine on Wednesday and for no reason I had this swoosh of panic over my body and I felt like I was going crazy. I ran inside the house and sat down on the toilet seat in the bathroom while on the phone with my friend. I felt really cold but I was sweating so bad. I felt like I couldn't breathe and craziness is the only way I can describe what I was feeling in my head. I went to the mirror and sure enough It looked like I was high on crack or something. My eyes were so black. I have been dealing with this as you know for going on 8 months now or nine months, since April. I have sick I mean sick nightmares. So vivid and weird out of nowhere things I have never seen before. If they could only figure this out. Zoloft has helped the anxiety component I am suffering from. I am obviously suffering from some different things as well I think. My friend just told me to keep remembering that it is just the after effects of taking that large quantity of ecstacy that time in April. She kept saying Amy, the drug is new and the docotrs dont know everything it does to a person in an overdose and that this is just going to take some time to heal. But it has been so long so now I am waiting for things to start to get a little better with the shooting pains in my head the cold ice running through every one of my veins, the horrible nightmares, The dialated eyes and weird feeling in my head, the chest pain, I want to be able to work out without blacking out. What is that anyway? I have gained 30 pounds since this. I was 135 in april and I am now 165. I have never been so heavy in my life. I use to model for christ sake. This is just destroying my life I feel. I need some kind of direction some kind of hope to look forward to. Somewhere to go. Sorry for babbling but this is the only place where I can be my weird ass self. Excuse the french. Anybody ever just wish that they had a velcro suit with a velcro wall and just step back and run as fast as you can and just jump right into the wall and stick there. :) And just keep doing it and just scream like a crazy person. I think that would be theraputic for the frustration we go through. Maybe the Pychiatrists should think about putting some of those in there office. Good Luck to everyone. Hope someobdy is listening.
poster:AMY II
thread:15854
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991123/msgs/15854.html