Posted by Noa on October 3, 1999, at 12:30:06
In reply to Re: Manic Depression and ADD. , posted by Janice on October 2, 1999, at 22:48:54
Janice,
I relate so much to what you said about feeling sad for what might have been.Every day, I take note of the fact that I am feeling a bit better. Yesterday, I was able to say to myself, "Today I notice a difference. I feel hopeful that my depression will be under control. I don't feel the gloom and doom". But later in the day, I started to feel sad, a sadness that felt like grief for all the lost years, what might have been if my depression had been properly treated earlier on. I recently turned 39 and am starting to feel the loss of my twenties and thirties. My early to mid- twenties were rough but after some therapy, my late twenties and early thirties were better. I had this idea that entering my thirties meant putting all of the identity formation and self-establishent issues behind me, because I had found a career and felt good about it. I thought putting these early adulthood issues behind me would keep the depression away. I would still get depressed sometimes, but I was able to get through the episodes faster, and I felt stronger. But after moving to a new city, starting a hot and heavy romance and having it end, and having a serious knee injury and surgery, my depression came back and seems to have never left. It has been 7 years, just about. So, my image of my thirties being so much better than my twenties never materialized. Now, I am hoping with the right medication, and a more realistic attitude about living with a depressive disorder, I can start to build my life back up. But I am sad about the lost years, because I lost a lot of time.
poster:Noa
thread:11780
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991001/msgs/12481.html