Posted by cinder on September 11, 1999, at 20:39:38
I tried to send this once, but it disappeared (no, I didn't have a psychotic break)
(this time) We are allowed gallows humor here, right?
Hopefully this is a bunch of people that I can discuss this with. I've never told anyone except my
pdoc. I wonder if anyone else has this "problem"
I fixate on people. Since puberty it's always been men, but before that
there was one girl that I was jealous of in school.
These obsessions have lasted from 3-4 months to the current one almost 7 years. I make up scenarios about this guy (my present
obsession).It tkaes up a good percentage of my time. Of course, the scenarios include the sex thing, but often they are just conversations that we have, or I'll
daydream that he's with me at the grocery store and pretend to myself what we would say to
each other. I have a compulsion to drive past his house
or where he works (this is finally slowing down). I know all sorts of stuff about him, Even went through his house when it was for sale. I see him about twice
a month, because we work in the same programme at a medical university (OB/GYN) He has no idea that I do this (you are saying, "Ya, right he doesn't"), but
seriously, he has no idea. When I do actually see him at work it is no big deal. It is as if I have used
his life and looks as a foundation for these fantasies...and yet I'm sure that if any of this
ever came true, he would drive me crazy!(He's a surgeon...say no more)This is not a 'father figure" or "authority figure thing...there have been Dr.s, truck drivers, a blacksmith... This is all hard to explain, and I don't want to bore anyone.
I wish that I felt some control over this. I'm also afraid that if I didn't have this active fantasy life, I'd miss it!
Anyone have any insight into this? My pdoc says that if it doesn't interfere with my life and I like it, I should just continue and let it run its course.
Sometimes I feel guilty that I should be giving this energy to my kids and family. I also have clinical depression, which
strikes me big at least once a year for a few months at a time.
I'll stop now. Comments?
poster:cinder
thread:11448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990914/msgs/11448.html