Posted by DL on June 11, 1999, at 17:48:59
In reply to Re: Sleep, posted by Toby on June 9, 1999, at 11:57:22
>That is what you are doing now: working to make it OK to let out your feelings and recognize them and come to realize that if you do let them out they won't overwhelm you, the bad feelings will end (i.e., some people worry that if they start crying or anything that they won't be able to stop), and they serve a purpose (i.e., warn of danger etc, and that they can be useful to you if you listen to them and make the choices you think are best for you... you do have choices now, not like when you were a child).
I am finding it easier to go with the flow in EMDR. But I wonder later how I will ever learn to sense what my body is telling me? I seem to recognize NOTHING really except for tension in my chest, throat and that wired feeling inside when I get into difficult places. It makes me feel SO dense and inhuman. At the last session she would ask me what I was feeling in my body and I would always just say the tension in my chest/throat. But then she would say "what do you notice about the left side of your body" and I wouldn't notice anything, and then I would look and my foot would be all tight and tipped on its side--and I didn't know why. And one time she said quietly, may I touch your hand? And then I noticed (after she touched it) that my hands were stone cold (and it was warm out). Another time she quietly said, "what was that that started to bring tears to your eyes?" and I didn't know this was happening. This makes me feel pretty inhuman. How can I be so unable to feel these things? How can these feelings become useful to me if I can't feel or recognize them?
>
> > 5. I did not have as long an after affect with this session as the first. The rambling pictures stopped after a few hours. I'm thinking it's because I hit those areas where I just couldn't share--and that I blocked at that point. I seemed to move out of myself and away from the emotions so they were not accessible to me (during that part of the EMDR). What does this mean?
>
If you are pretty sure you were blocking, make sure you let your therapist know when it is happening so she can make some adjustments (like with directions of the eye movements).It is pretty intense for me and sometimes I seem to stare at a scene and I'm tongue tied but I want to say something. Once during the last session she did a figure 8 type of finger movement for a short time. It seemed to make all the connections go away and I had a sort of light queasy feeling. She asked, I told her and she went back to the other back and forth.
Also, try not to block. When it gets painful, try to focus specifically on that feeling even more intently, remembering that it will not last forever, and just notice what happens.
It is so hard for me to focus on feelings. They all just seem to feel like tension and numbness and pins and needles or something like that. I am getting a little crazy about this. I want to feel more but I don't know how. But I will try this--to focus on what I do feel.
> I am betting that feeling will start to change on its own, without you trying to block it and that you will notice other changes along with that.
I am getting alittle scared that this will never happen for me.
>
> Sheryl Kamman-Russman, Psy.D. of Exeter Psychological Assoc., 14 Hampton Rd, Exeter, NH 03833, (603) 772-2187 and she specializes in PTSD and Sexual Abuse. Don't have info on insurance, etc.Thanks for the above. I will keep it handy. I am not sure how long I can stay with Kathy. She is going out to find a place to live the end of next week (18th)and won't be back until into the beginning of July. I have an appt Thurs 17th. My insurance through work changes July 1. It's some kind of group managed for our agency by some health company. It's a PPO. good is that only $5 or $10 co-pay for drugs. THat will help with Remeron and perhaps I will try to find someone to help do the natural hormone thing again. But, she is not a member of this one. So, I will have to pay most of the $70 session probably.
> Let me know how the session went yesterday.
See above.
--Last time we got into some things I could not have predicted would come up. It's not fun. It's hard. This time I am feeling tense and more like during PPD times. So far I am sleeping lately. But most of the day I am feeling tight, wired, and have to remind myself to breathe. I am confused by some of this and I e-mail the therapist and she is good about responding. I seem to have a processing lag and things come up later. I e-mailed her right after the last session and apparently it was full of questions--about how she knows things and I don't..here is part of her answer:
Please try not to wonder about how or why I ask or observe certain things (that's my job and my
training). the more important thing is to figure out how you can begin to be more aware of it for yourself. That is the work of everyone in therapy
actually. At least, that is my opinion. so, remember this is a process and not a final end project. What you hope to do in therapy is to learn how to focus on your own body messages and needs in a way that is helpful for you, without harming others.You are right. This is hard. How do I stop feeling so wound up? And, did I kill too much of myself over the years to be able to really feel again and learn from my feeligs?
poster:DL
thread:4833
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990601/msgs/7291.html