Posted by DL on April 27, 1999, at 20:34:08
In reply to Re: EMDR--therapy, posted by Toby on April 26, 1999, at 10:38:59
> I guess you have had a session by now? How did it go? Did you actually work on a memory or did she start you out with relaxation imagery? Been hoping for good things quickly. Let us know.
I am a little confused. Yes I did have a session. I would like some help figuring out exactly what happened and if it's what should have happened?
1. The next day I felt totally exhausted and even my joints and muscles ached. All I did physically was sit in a chair and look at things popping into view inside me. Why would I feel that way?
2. Once the pictures/feelings/thoughts got turned on they didn't want to shut off. For the next few days it felt like a slide show was happening in my mind, and I couldn't make it stop. I seemed to be talking about the slides/thoughts (silently inside my head) as they came in an endless progression. When I was driving between visits they totally took over and it felt sort of like I was telling someone about the pictures, but I was really silent. It just wouldn't stop. I could pull my attention away when I needed to, but my concentration was terrible.
3. The "slides" did not stay with the picture where I started (see previous post). Scenes/thoughts from many different times in my life came up too. Does this mean something didn't work right?
4. Yes, I did cry, but it was an OK kind of cry. Not anguished, but like rain drops sliding down the window.
5. I was there for 2 hrs. I decided that my apartment here was the only "safe" place I could remember--to have a place to mentallygo to to calm down. The actual EMDR session was probably about an hour but I lost track of time. At the end I needed to go to my "safe place" to calm down some.
6. A few times I realized something I hadn't thought of consciously before about some of the "slides". Like, I noticed my mother at the other end of the table when the mealtime torture happened and wondered, "why didn't she do anything?"
7. AFTER the EMDR, on the way home I felt very "out of it" and floaty and vivid flashes continued. And for the first time, instead of experiencing the memories as me now-set back into the past---I saw a beautiful little blond girl clearly. And I was overcome with sadness for her and kept saying over and over "but she was only a little girl!" in my head. She should have been hugged and loved and protected.......
8. The therapist reminded me each time she stopped --to breathe deeply. I kept tensing up and holding my breath.
9. She gave me a choice of eye movements or tapping. She said I could switch if I wanted. This time Ichose the tapping, which was on my hands which were on my legs above my knees. Is it OK to close your eyes? I found myself doing this since I could feel the tapping through my body. I could 'see" the pictures better. But I did open my eyes sometimes when I saw something I hadn't seen before. Is it better to use the eye movements?
10. She said as I left that "we need to go back there again at some point" But she is planning a non-EMDR session to work on/with some of the things that came up. (I think sort of cog/beh stuff?) She has e-mail and does not mind if I use it as an "electronic journal"--and I did send her a rambling of the "slide shows" I experienced in the days after. Also had one strange dream that night about burglars taking things away from me--I don't usually have /remember dreams.
So, please comment. Is this going OK? Can you answer some of the stuff above. I am a little confused. I think I have a lot filed on the brain shelf I tapped that day. Sorry for being so long about this, but I am a little confused.
Dotty
poster:DL
thread:4833
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990601/msgs/5381.html