Posted by C on May 7, 1999, at 15:58:41
Well, I need to vent or burst so I hope you all don't mind.
I feel so incredibly overwhelmed most times that I don't think I can take much more. Half the day I am angry and the other half I am ready to cry. Daily chores are impossible, seems like I just get started and my two kids and husband are making more for me. My husband barely talks to me except to critisize for one thing or another and all he does is complain about the housework or something else. I do the best I can with one four year old in school half days and a three year old at home always and between getting one ready for school, potty training, housework, no friends (seriously, NOT ONE) I can talk to or even have a phone conversation or chit chat with. The work just piles up and I don't get help, cannot afford to hire help and I feel like torching the place! UGH I don't have family who is in a position to help out. I wish I could even have one night a month to go out but I don't even have anyone to go out with. To go to the store by myself in the evening in our one car that my husband has at work all day, that can be a strugle because he wants me to take one of the kids. He whines if I don't want to then I feel like 2" high. I do not work out of the home, I am here all day, 24/7 as they say. No real conversation besides hearing him gripe about something I didn't do or something the kids did. I feel SO INCREDIBLY ALONE. I am half tempted to call a therapist to say I am ready to bring it to an end but half tempted to just do it anyhow. I am lost. I have no support, meds don't work. I hate the pain, the crying binges, the guilt over not being a good mother or good wife. And to top it all off, most days when I think of doing something about it or I am ready for a nervous breakdown, I have to try to toughen up because my husband is so busy at work that he doesn't have the time to look after our kids or to even try and give me support. It's like I am here to serve everyone and their needs and I am not allowed to feel anything or to fall behind because if I am not perfect then it is too much of an inconvience to them. I am sorry this is so long, just needed to vent or burst I guess.
poster:C
thread:5713
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990501/msgs/5713.html