Posted by Nancy on December 13, 1998, at 15:28:37
In reply to Re: Serzone and MDMA, posted by MrZest on December 10, 1998, at 8:32:46
> While I was only relatively recently diagnosed as bi polar type 2, it has over time become clear that I have in fact been since my teens.
I've managed to stay alive for 32years, now. Although, I believe I've had manic-depression, since childhood. I think, since the age of six, which was my first suicide ideation and my first steps ever in planning the act. I've also had a couple of bad bipolar episodes that knocked me out of the mainstream for a year or two. As I am, now, I was also treatment resistive during those episodes.
However, not every severe episode has left me incapacitated. I've been manic and had no need for sleep for months at a time. During these periods and when not debilitated, I was very productive and creative. From personal experience, I postulate that the bipolar illness may be one of the components of certain people's high achievement orientation. I often wonder about others' experiences in that arena.> My postulation is this.... Is it possible that if I had not taken those drugs as a teen, would I have never come to the point I have now ? Or, if I had not totally escaped the chemical imbalance, is it possible that I would have been able to continue to deal with it the rest of my life as well as I was able to for the first 3 and a half decades of my life ??? Plus, by the same token, is it possible that the early drug abuse may have something to do with my current tendency to treatment resistance ?
>I'll not raise an argument against the idea that drug use may be a factor in exacerbating bipolar disease. However, from personal experience with my life-long treatment resistance, I can say that recreational drug use has not been an influencing factor. In other words, these instances of bipolar 1 disorder with ultra-rapid cycling, mixed states and psychotic features was neither due to nor exacerbated by recreational drug use.
Furthermore, the severe debilitating periods of my treatment refractory bipolar 1 disorder have a "mind of their own". They come and take over my life against my free will. They leave me of their own accord. No medication has ever had domain over them.
But, that is my experience. It is unfortunate, for me, that I don't hear of similar experiences from other people. I imagine it is because, this type of disease has a high mortality rate. In my own mind, I'd say that is true with exceptionally good reason.
Mind Over Madness,
Nancy
Anyone with treatment refractive experience and is still alive, please, email.
poster:Nancy
thread:902
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19981201/msgs/1546.html