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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by slugdoo on August 11, 2007, at 13:09:51
I came into the gym and by the coffee area where there are tables and chairs for members to have snacks,free coffee and socialize, there are a group of old guys(60- 70+) I talk to during the week, and they waved me over, so I talked to them. I enjoy them they are so wonderful and I have learned SO much from them.
Well anyways I am there talking and my T comes out from the hallway where the locker rooms are, I sort of had my back to him, but I did see him. He kinda had on that big smile that I am not sure if it is genuine or not. But I know he saw me, but I looked away really quick, luckly I was in the middle of talking.
But I lucked out because before he passed me to go our the door,his good friend, my friend too, got off his chair and went up to him. And I heard him say something like to my T like, "I heard what happened", etc. I didn't hear anything else or wanted to , I was SO uncomfortable. But now I am wondering "what happened", maybe that is why he was so tense and yelled at me.
Well I left the guys and went to the locker room and started to cry. Luckely there nobody really saw me. So well I can at least go exercise because I know my T is leaving. So I come out of the locker room and he is still talking with his back torwards me , so he didn't see me go into the workout area.
Well I am doing my weights and I just keep tearin g up , and this old guy instructor that I know, who I like a lot (he thinks he is my dad), saw I was emotional and tried to make me laugh to cheer me up. It did help, it feels like somebody cares even if he doesn't know what is up.
Well I was done with the weights, and I am ready to go home, and my T friend comes into the workout area, and whe talked for 1 1/2 hours!!! It was a good distraction for me. He is so interesting with his family history and stuff, he also is a prof. at my school, so it is fun to talk about litature, politics and stuff. I figured out his age today, and he must be 69. LOL
I really like this guy and his wife, we go to yoga class together, and I enjoy both of them. But one problem is that they are friends with my T and his wife. That makes it hard. What is funny is my T is only 52, and one of his best friends is much older too. Now this friend doesn't know about my T and me so that makes it even kind weirder. Now I keep thinking if my T didn't tell me that they are friends, I wouldn't of known, and his hame doesn't come up at all. Now my T's wife did once.
Well sorry this is getting so long. But I saw him, he had on flip flops which was weird. But it was so awkward, and we didn't make eye contact so that is still in the air. I am not sure I can look at him without crying or if I happen to be mad at him , I might give him a bad look. I still feel so hurt, I am not sure if he smiles at me if it will help or make it worse. auugghh! It makes me so sad.
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 11, 2007, at 14:46:00
In reply to I saw him, posted by slugdoo on August 11, 2007, at 13:09:51
He's a coward. That much I know.
I'm sorry it's hard, 'Doo.
Posted by slugdoo on August 11, 2007, at 15:04:09
In reply to Re: I saw him » slugdoo, posted by TherapyGirl on August 11, 2007, at 14:46:00
Thanks Therapy Girl,
It is so hard, but I think I can get through this especially with my new T helping me.
I know my T is a coward (well I am too, because It is hard for me to face him too), because he told me about his major girlfriend in college, the one before his wife, he broke up with her with a letter instead of face to face. So yeah, he is a chicken sh*t. But he knows I am too. Geeze he knows about how I have avoided people in the past and how bad it made me feel. He KNOWS this is hard for me. Maybe he thought a call would make it worse? Maybe I will never know what he thinks. I have been in tears all day. I wish I hated him, then maybe it would make it easier. uggh!
Posted by OzLand on August 11, 2007, at 15:38:27
In reply to Re: I saw him » TherapyGirl, posted by slugdoo on August 11, 2007, at 15:04:09
slugdoo
Would it help do you think to make an appointment with him and tell him in person what this all has done to you and how devastated you are. I did that with my old therapist, and I think it helped. My old therapist listened and did not get defensive and actually acknowledged some things. By the way, I still miss him too after 3 months.
OzLand
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 11, 2007, at 19:06:19
In reply to Re: I saw him » TherapyGirl, posted by slugdoo on August 11, 2007, at 15:04:09
I get it, 'Doo, I really do.
I wish I could somehow make this better for you -- or make him do the right thing.
Hang in there, okay?
Posted by gardenergirl on August 11, 2007, at 22:42:03
In reply to I saw him, posted by slugdoo on August 11, 2007, at 13:09:51
That sounds like it would be really difficult--running into him at the gym and the friend thing. I think I'd be more tense when there, just worrying about seeing him or reacting to seeing him. Glad you've got yoga and probably other stuff to help you relax.
gg
Posted by Tamar on August 12, 2007, at 14:22:52
In reply to Re: I saw him, posted by OzLand on August 11, 2007, at 15:38:27
Hey slugdoo,
> Would it help do you think to make an appointment with him and tell him in person what this all has done to you and how devastated you are. I did that with my old therapist, and I think it helped. My old therapist listened and did not get defensive and actually acknowledged some things. By the way, I still miss him too after 3 months.
OzLand's suggestion sounds like a really good one. Well, it's the sort of thing that appeals a lot to me because of my own issues about wanting to fix relationships. But maybe it would work for you because you might feel the need to have him hear how hurt and angry you are, even though you have a new therapist now.
And then... there's the question of other unexpressed feelings you have about him, and what part they play in all this. Is it something you're talking about with your new therapist? (As always, you don't have to answer my questions!)
Love,
TamarP.S. I'm still getting used to your posting name. Maybe it will help me with my phobia!
Posted by slugdoo on August 12, 2007, at 16:09:09
In reply to Re: I saw him » slugdoo, posted by Tamar on August 12, 2007, at 14:22:52
LOL, I am laughing so hard, I forgot about the slug phobia! Well I renamed my self, and I don't think Dr. BOb would allow shug sh*t, so it is slugdoo. I wanted a name that explained how bad I feel, and my old name was just tooo.... uggg... happy. But I will change it again soon.
I believe I told my T on 3 phone messages of how i feel. The first one was right after my session where I told him how I feel about that session. Then the next two was one's after I saw my new T, where I told him how much he means to me, and how grateful I am of what he has helped me with, etc. A lot of good sentiment stuff. So I think I got my out what I wanted to say to him. But my new T thinks my old T might become defensive of his actions and instead of listening to me on how I feel. So I might even feel worse about it. So I kinda agree, I said what I needed, and I don't need anything from him. I remember the good stuff, and I think I know how he feels. In spite of the way the last session went, I think I am okay because I said what I felt. Am I still hurt? yes, but I will eventually get over it. Am I still angry? yes, but I will get over that too. As far as what will happen with our relationship, I don't know, and right now I don't care. I need to concentrate on myself and therapy. I think things will eventually feel more comfortable at the gym, and so I will leave it up to him if he wants to talk beyond "hellos".
As far as discussing that special feeling I have had for him from day one, I do plan on talking about that with my new T. My new T talked about his "soul friend" who is a neuro T he has known for years. So I think he might be more willing to discuss this. My T was resistant to it because he doesn't believe in any such thing. I dont' know if I do either, but I wanted to talk about it.
Soooo, that is what I am thinking now, but I am still open for suggestions. ;-)
Thank you Tamar, I know it sounds like a broken record, but it is nice to have you back! ;-)
Posted by slugdoo on August 12, 2007, at 17:00:49
In reply to Re: I saw him » slugdoo, posted by gardenergirl on August 11, 2007, at 22:42:03
Thanks GG,
I am actually required to take some kind of physical activitiy for my degree, so I am taking yoga this fall! I do it anyways, I might as well get credit for it. ;-)
This is the end of the thread.
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