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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on August 3, 2007, at 16:29:01
I'm so scared. My T left for vacation and today was my last session. It was not very reassuring at all. He wants me to call him instead of him calling me while he's gone. I didn't get bothered about it until after the session, and I emailed him, and he said that it was that his business manager directed him to do that for all his clients so that I can take care of the long distance costs, which is fine with me. But it scares me. Everything scares me because I'm so scared he's leaving me forever.
He tried to be really reassuring in his email, but I am so so scared. He was trying to be reassuring in the session too, I just couldn't feel it because I'm so scared. He was saying all the right things, but I just am so scared. He promised he's still there and he won't leave me.
But I can't stop crying. I'm miserable already, I'm crying. This is a bad sign. Please help.
sunnydays
Posted by Dinah on August 3, 2007, at 17:13:06
In reply to i'm scared of abandonment, posted by sunnydays on August 3, 2007, at 16:29:01
He left before and he came back. He left this time but he *will* come back.
Everything will be ok.
Posted by sunnydays on August 3, 2007, at 18:49:38
In reply to Re: i'm scared of abandonment, posted by Dinah on August 3, 2007, at 17:13:06
I hate feeling like this. It's just this pit of sadness in the depths of me. It feels like he must have never really cared about me and like he doesn't care about me now. I'm just absolutely miserable. I haven't felt this bad in... well, actually only a week, but it feels longer than that.
I miss him. Please some more people please write to me if you can. I just need some company.
sunnydays
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 3, 2007, at 20:51:38
In reply to Re: i'm scared of abandonment, posted by sunnydays on August 3, 2007, at 18:49:38
I'm here, SD. Sorry it's so hard right now. I know the feeling well, although I seem to have escaped it this time.
I know it's hard to believe, in spite of the fact that you have lots of evidence that your T won't leave you. But he really won't. And if somehow you can try to control the damaging self talk, I think it will make things easier for you. Can you replace the things you have been saying to yourself with things like, "Of course my T will come back. He promised he's not abandoning me and I trust him," etc.?
Someone else can probably do this better than me, but somehow if you can reframe it, I think it will be easier to handle the vacation.
(((((((SunnyDays)))))))
Posted by sunnydays on August 3, 2007, at 21:03:01
In reply to Re: i'm scared of abandonment » sunnydays, posted by TherapyGirl on August 3, 2007, at 20:51:38
I'm trying so hard to reframe it. But I keep thinking new thoughts to reframe all the time. And I forgot to ask when our next real appointment is, so now I don't even have one set up. In his email he said to call and set one up for a week from Wednesday, that's his first day back. But I got the email after they were closed so I have to wait until Monday to do that.
And I'm just feeling increasingly like this is going to be impossibly difficult.The tears are so close all the time it seems.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on August 4, 2007, at 12:55:18
In reply to Re: i'm scared of abandonment » TherapyGirl, posted by sunnydays on August 3, 2007, at 21:03:01
I still feel like I could burst into tears at any moment today. Only want to listen to depressing music. Have to pack. Hate packing, hate moving. And my T's not here. I want him to have fun, but at the same time, I wish he were here. And I wish he was calling me and not me calling him. It's really bothering me. I don't care about the cost - I don't pay for my cell phone, my parents do, and we have so many free minutes it doesn't matter. It just feels like such an effort. And I just feel stuck in this sadness. No desire to do anything really but dwell on it, and all the reasons I'm sad.
sunnydays
Posted by OzLand on August 4, 2007, at 13:34:38
In reply to still feeling sad, posted by sunnydays on August 4, 2007, at 12:55:18
I am so sorry about the feelings and sense of abandonment. I also think it would be good to call your T. Your therapist doesn't read minds and would not know when to call and if it would be experienced by you as an intrusion. So, it is left to you to call as needed. It also says, can you reach out for help? YOu have already demonstrated that you can reach out, and so, I would suggest go for it and call the T.
OzLand
Posted by OzLand on August 4, 2007, at 13:44:21
In reply to still feeling sad, posted by sunnydays on August 4, 2007, at 12:55:18
I forgot to add that when I used to feel like you are feeling when my therapist would go off on vacation for a month, I was told to "keep busy." No one can make your pain go away. We can understand and offer suggestions. But it's your pain. Right? My suggestion would be to do just about anything to distract yourself, and especially do something with someone else even if it is to walk down the aisles of a grocery store and stop and read the labels on various prodocts to see where they were manufactured. I have never done this one, but actually it serves more than the purpose of distracting yourself. It is a healthy and wise thing to do in this day of bad stuff being in our food and in our pet food. When I see a food that was processed in China, unfortunately I won't buy it now. So, I guess you could say this is a suggestion that helps you AND helps your family.
I know I can be sort of goofy sometimes.
OzLand
Posted by sunnydays on August 4, 2007, at 14:12:00
In reply to Re: still feeling sad » sunnydays, posted by OzLand on August 4, 2007, at 13:34:38
Oh, I was referring to the scheduled calls we have. I have to call him at the scheduled time while he's away rather than him calling me so that I can pick up the long distance charges. I can't call between the scheduled times. There's another T who I sort of know from a group I was in on call for him and I can call her or use my school's on-call service. If it's something really bad, the T on call for him will call my T. But I can't think of anything that would be bad enough that I would ask her to interrupt his vacation.
But unfortunately I'm scared to call someone on call for fear of bothering them (and yes I know it's their job). And I'm not really sure what they'd say anyway other than the stuff I already know to do to take care of myself.
Thanks for writing,
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on August 4, 2007, at 14:13:50
In reply to Re: still feeling sad » sunnydays, posted by OzLand on August 4, 2007, at 13:44:21
Thanks. I am trying to distract myself. The new Harry Potter book I have found to be pretty good for that. :) I'm trying to set some things up with my friends, but they're all pretty busy with exams for their summer classes (I'm thankfully not taking any summer classes). But thank you for reminding me to keep busy. It definitely is an important thing to do.
Take care,
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on August 4, 2007, at 20:32:17
In reply to Re: still feeling sad » OzLand, posted by sunnydays on August 4, 2007, at 14:13:50
has this vacation hit me so hard? This is so much worse than the last one he was on, and this one's going to be shorter (he actually meant 10 days when he said 10 days this time, not two weeks). But I am so lonely. Tried calling friends. I've been distracting myself so much. I just feel so sad. And packing to move is overwhelming. I made myself do it for an hour today. Lots of people are gone from this building. It feels empty, makes me so sad I almost start crying just walking down the hall because I know the rooms are empty.
So sad. Why is this time so much worse? Why can't I talk to my T? Why can't I just be normal and not care that he's gone?
sunnydays
Posted by OzLand on August 4, 2007, at 23:38:30
In reply to why...., posted by sunnydays on August 4, 2007, at 20:32:17
Oh gosh; of course it feels worse. I am so sorry. With everyone including you packing up to leave, and most everyone gone, no wonder you feel worse. It is a double whammy, and most certainly would feel like abanonment. You are being abandoned but not in the way you think as you know you will see him again. I am not completely understanding, but will you be moving back again and others too. And if so, as for how long will you be gone? Do you come back when your therapist comes back? I ask because you mention packing.
I recall when I lived in the dorm, and everyone had already left or most everyone. I felt so sad. It did mean the end of the year. And, the new year was going to be different. Some people would be back and some not. It can be good, though.
I am going to my h.s. class reunion in September. Each five years I go, I learn of someone else who has died. That part I don't like. One of my best friends in high school was someone who I was going to take flying lessons with, and at the last minute I didn't do it. She did. I saw her at the five year reunion, and when I went to the tenth, I learned she had died in a plane crash when she was flying over the Rockie Mountains. So, who is around that you know, and when do you leave? Packing too, yah that would add to the sadness and anxiety. Just keep checking in, and we will here, Okay?
OzLand
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