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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by antigua on September 19, 2006, at 14:57:19
I just wanted to let you guys know where I am with the hypnosis.
I've been four times. The first two times I didn't go under, or go into a "trance" as the guy likes to say. The third time I did, but I could still hear every word he said. Basically, he was talking about letting the unconscious mind connect with the conscious mind. My mind was all over the place, I couldn't really settle on anything in particular. But when he brought me up, I was very, very scared. Of what I didn't have a clue. Nothing was there but the fear. It took me a while to calm myself down in the car (I sang a lot of songs out loud!).
The fear persisted for a day or so, and then a memory I already had became clearer--just bits and pieces to fill it out, but it was still disturbing. Visceral too, I could smell and taste, but it wasn't a flashback. Just creeped into my mind. It was disgusting, but it helped me. Once I figured that out, the fear left me, although my feelings about the memory have stayed intense.
The fourth time, he asked me if I wanted to go deeper (he was concerned for my fear reaction) or work on inner child stuff. Gung ho that I am, I said "let's go deeper," but he decided it was better to do the other. I connected with the wounded child and discovered something I never knew. She's really mad at me. I had only seen her as wounded and pathetic, but I never felt her anger. She doesn't talk, but she gets her feelings across.
This week, since discovering she's angry, my T of course said maybe you could ask her what she wants, blah, blah, blah. Well, all I got was that she wanted something sweet (I used to eat sweet things after the abuse to kill the taste in my mouth) and so I ate some cookies. This is silly, I thought, and then I got mad. Mad at her for holding me hostage all these years--she is where all my self-destructive behavior comes from (as punishment to myself--drinking, ED, etc.)
So we are at a stand-off; I'm not giving into her. I told her it was time she grew up. And i'm really annoyed that all this stuff has just been sitting there for all these years and I never noticed it. My T says that if I'm mad, that's progress.
So the hypnosis has been interesting. Kind of like EMDR in a way, but so much more relaxing, as I've learned a lot of new relaxation techniques.
But it wasn't what I expected either, which is good I think. Although I was somewhat overwhelmed that one time, it was o.k.
As to that memory I've been trying to recover--I don't care about that anymore. It just doesn't seem very important. Real or not.
antigua
Posted by muffled on September 19, 2006, at 15:30:08
In reply to Update on hypnosis *possible trig*, posted by antigua on September 19, 2006, at 14:57:19
> I just wanted to let you guys know where I am with the hypnosis.
**Thank you. I been wondering.
>
> I've been four times. The first two times I didn't go under, or go into a "trance" as the guy likes to say. The third time I did, but I could still hear every word he said. Basically, he was talking about letting the unconscious mind connect with the conscious mind. My mind was all over the place, I couldn't really settle on anything in particular. But when he brought me up, I was very, very scared. Of what I didn't have a clue. Nothing was there but the fear. It took me a while to calm myself down in the car (I sang a lot of songs out loud!).***:-(
>
> The fear persisted for a day or so, and then a memory I already had became clearer--just bits and pieces to fill it out, but it was still disturbing. Visceral too, I could smell and taste, but it wasn't a flashback. Just creeped into my mind. It was disgusting, but it helped me. Once I figured that out, the fear left me, although my feelings about the memory have stayed intense.***:-(
>
> The fourth time, he asked me if I wanted to go deeper (he was concerned for my fear reaction) or work on inner child stuff. Gung ho that I am, I said "let's go deeper," but he decided it was better to do the other. I connected with the wounded child and discovered something I never knew. She's really mad at me. I had only seen her as wounded and pathetic, but I never felt her anger. She doesn't talk, but she gets her feelings across.***Hey thats cool. Thats how a coupla my ikids pretty much communicate.But can they EVER get their feelings across. I'm glad you found her.
>
> This week, since discovering she's angry, my T of course said maybe you could ask her what she wants, blah, blah, blah. Well, all I got was that she wanted something sweet (I used to eat sweet things after the abuse to kill the taste in my mouth) and so I ate some cookies. This is silly, I thought, and then I got mad. Mad at her for holding me hostage all these years--she is where all my self-destructive behavior comes from (as punishment to myself--drinking, ED, etc.)***Try not to be too mad at her. She REALLY is just a kid. She was just trying to survive. If it was any other kid you'd proly give her a break. But one thoing I found VERY hard to get thru my head, but which has helped TONS in my understanding....is that these inside kids...ARE KIDS. Their behavior and responses are that of a child. They are not adults. There is an adult part of you, but the kids are kids. And things will go better and faster if you can relate to them as such.
>
> So we are at a stand-off; I'm not giving into her. I told her it was time she grew up. And i'm really annoyed that all this stuff has just been sitting there for all these years and I never noticed it. My T says that if I'm mad, that's progress.***Well, mad is good in a way. But please be kind as youi can. She will just rebel more most likely if you are mean to her.....
One of my ikids, we fought like CRAZY at first. Pouting and anger on both sides. But now, this kid, HA! I love her, she the greatest. She strong, and smart(and crows about it often!!!LOL). She helps me alot. She just wanted to be recognized and appreciated.
Now that being said, I AM locked in a bit of a problem with another kid who persists in sending me emotions that are nonsense. But I trying hard to realize she just a kid and proly just wants attn....
>
> So the hypnosis has been interesting. Kind of like EMDR in a way, but so much more relaxing, as I've learned a lot of new relaxation techniques.***:-)Good!
>
> But it wasn't what I expected either, which is good I think. Although I was somewhat overwhelmed that one time, it was o.k.***Good again!
>
> As to that memory I've been trying to recover--I don't care about that anymore. It just doesn't seem very important. Real or not.
> antigua
***Mebbe its just that you are recognizing your inside people and feeling more peace from them as a result....
I have no memories, just emotions, and I inclined to think they just sh*t disturbing crap from the kid I'm having troubles with now.
Sigh.
Not so easy is it?
Anyhow, seems you've made great strides and thats wonderful to hear.
I'm happy for you Antigua.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by Jost on September 19, 2006, at 19:21:21
In reply to Update on hypnosis *possible trig*, posted by antigua on September 19, 2006, at 14:57:19
So the hypnosis was an illuminating experience-- worthwhile-- esp. because it seems that you answered a gnawing question-- about whether you needed to remember things--
and did remember and recognize some important things, and contain them and begin to work on them.
The really important thing though is that you don't need to go there any more-- at least for now. Maybe forever.
You are who you are-- even though that third time sounds awful and hard to experience. Maybe realizing that you don't need to put yourself through that-- and finding that angry kid, who needs to be helped-- and recognized-- was what you were really looking for, and not the memories?
I used to go over and over things that had happened. And over time, for some reason, I stopped thinking about it. It hasn't solved everything-- by any means-- but it led me in a new direction, which offers more to me than the remembering.
I hope it'll be that way for you too. But I'm glad you followed through, so you don't wonder-- and question the decision not to.
Jost
Posted by alexandra_k on September 19, 2006, at 23:58:00
In reply to Update on hypnosis *possible trig*, posted by antigua on September 19, 2006, at 14:57:19
> then a memory I already had became clearer--just bits and pieces to fill it out...
That can happen as you ask yourself questions...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misinformation_effect> I connected with the wounded child and discovered something I never knew...
> i'm really annoyed that all this stuff has just been sitting there for all these years and I never noticed it.
Did you 'discover' something that was true all along or did the process of hypnotism... Make it so?
Is there any way to tell?
Remembering is an activity that is done in the present...
The stories we tell ourselves to make sense of our lives...
Maybe because...
We think we need to justify present distress to others (so they can accept us) and to ourself (so we can accept us).
I did that...
I wanted to do that...But I'm not sure how much making and remaking and reremaking the past helps me deal with the present or if really it is about...
Running away from the present and reliving the past
Repetition compulsionTalking about me...
Posted by Lindenblüte on September 20, 2006, at 9:21:24
In reply to Re: Update on hypnosis *possible trig*, posted by alexandra_k on September 19, 2006, at 23:58:00
Thank you Antigua for the update. This is really fascinating. I wonder if the hypnotism didn't truly "take" but just gave you a neutral place for you to allow yourself to recognize and work on something.
Your mind is a library and it's full of books and notes and crammed-in documents. Maybe hypnotism provided you with a clean desk. A large clean work surface. You're the one who chose how to use it. Which books to pull from the shelves. What you want to take notes on. What you want to write your next story about.
It's okay. There's nothing inherently "TRUE" or "FALSE" about memories. Sometimes our memories of the facts (the exact people/places/timeline) is totally wrong, but the meaning of the memory, or the emotions it evokes are incredibly accurate. (or vice versa). Which one is "real"?
And what does any event mean to a little kid, anyways? How would you expect the average little kid to deal with this stuff? The kid you see riding down the street on her bike, or playing in the sandbox at the playground, or walking around the grocery store? How would they know what's real? What it means?
It's okay to have a little innocence inside of you. A little angry child- who knows she's been hurt, but doesn't know why, or how, or by whom.
I guess the first time that I started to feel how wrong my childhood was was when I started working with kids a lot. I saw something so precious and wonderful. Their individuality. Their little selves. Even infants have little personalities. It's a wonderful thing-- to be a person. Even if we start our lives as a creature that's weaker, softer, more innocent, naive... That's not a "bad" thing. That's part of being human. It's okay. It will be okay.
You have stuff to work on that will affect your future. A painting in progress that is slowly taking shape. You may not have control over the contents of the painting, but you can control how large it is, how realistic you want to make it look. What colors to select. How big the canvas will be. Where you want to hang it- in your entryway, in your closet, in your living room, tucked into your bookshelf... Just don't forget that it's YOUR painting. YOU'RE the artist. YOU get to decide where to put it while you're working on it, and where to hang it when you're reasonably satisfied.
-Li
Posted by pegasus on September 20, 2006, at 22:13:56
In reply to Update on hypnosis *possible trig*, posted by antigua on September 19, 2006, at 14:57:19
Wow, what an interesting experience. Thanks so much for sharing it with us. It sounds like the hypnosis has turned out to be helpful, and it certainly has provided some material for therapy. I think it's great that you've stopped caring so much about retrieving a specific lost memory, and are following the thread that did come up. Oh, that didn't sound right. I mean, I have no issue with wanting to find a lost memory. I just mean that I think it's cool how you're being so flexible, and finding value in whatever your experience is turning out to be.
p
Posted by Daisym on September 22, 2006, at 22:30:18
In reply to Update on hypnosis *possible trig*, posted by antigua on September 19, 2006, at 14:57:19
I'm sorry I didn't respond a few days ago, Antigua, I thought I had.
I wish I was brave enough to try some of the things you have tried. I haven't even done EMDR -- but we've talked about it. I guess I'm envious of your ability to find your center and feel calm. It is good that you are getting what you need, even if it isn't what you thought it would be.
I have an age (nine) that is really angry also. She is mad at me, at the other ages I can feel and very mad at "our" therapist. Yet she wants to feel his and my, comfort too. There is so much fear and so much pain in this age state. She terrifies me.
Thanks for continuing to share your story. It is really helping me.
This is the end of the thread.
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