![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by All Done on September 8, 2005, at 1:50:24
I swear to you, when I was waiting in the waiting room for my T, the furthest thing from my mind was my hair. I'm sure there were plenty of reasons I wasn't thinking about it, but anyway...
I got settled in my chair and we went through our normal routine of asking each other how we are doing (only once did he say something other than "fine"). Then he opened his eyes a little wider in a delayed surprised reaction or something and said, "you colored your hair." When I confirmed, he told me it looks nice. Good man, good man :).
Then, I told him everything behind my decision not to tell him beforehand. He laughed a little when I said that I knew no matter what I decided to do, I'd have to talk to him about it.
It ended up being a pretty good session because it was an excellent transition into the fact that earlier that day my mom didn't notice/comment on the color change but instead, focused on my weight loss. That's not a bad thing in and of itself, but she immediately said it's "just like she's been doing". Maybe you can understand my frustration if I tell you she's been losing (and gaining back) the same five pounds for the last year and a half. Frankly, I'm tired of hearing about it and always having her turn any mention of my weight loss (or anything, for that matter) into a monologue about hers. It's just always been about her and her needs. Even when I was very young. (BTW, Beefcake took this opportunity to congratulate me on my weight loss. Did I tell you he's a good man?)
There was a ton more. It was mainly focused on my relationship with my mom, which I haven't talked about in a while.
An odd thing is that lately he's been commenting on the quality(?) of the things we're talking about. He'll tell me we have a lot to think about until next session or even just that "this is good, important stuff". Is this normal for other Ts? It kind of makes me wonder what I was talking about before. Or maybe there's a new or increased pressure to please him?
Anyway, I felt like I got an authentic response from him about my hair. Added bonus, it was a nice response :).
Laurie
Posted by All Done on September 8, 2005, at 1:51:20
In reply to It wasn't really about hair color, of course, posted by All Done on September 8, 2005, at 1:50:24
Posted by Annierose on September 8, 2005, at 6:13:01
In reply to It wasn't really about hair color, of course, posted by All Done on September 8, 2005, at 1:50:24
It's nice when the men in our lives notice changes, especially all the good ones. Beefcake is a sweetie. I agree, it was an authentic response.
My T has mentioned the quality of our sessions sometimes. In fact, just recently she commented that I seemed less distracted, more in the room, talking more about past pains. It was in reply to my question, "are we going anywhere with this stuff?".
BTW - What was his other response to "How are you doing today?". When my T got back from her 2+ week summer vacation (who's counting ...) I told her I was going to ask her how her vacation was, but I already had the conversation:
Me: How was your vacation?
Her: Fine (reply 1) - or -
Her: Do you have any feelings about my going away? (reply 2)--- neither reply would be satisfying so I wasn't going to ask. She laughed. And thankfully, moved forward.
Posted by daisym on September 8, 2005, at 10:07:19
In reply to It wasn't really about hair color, of course, posted by All Done on September 8, 2005, at 1:50:24
It sounds like things are really going well and I'm glad you got an authentic response. It is amazing how those things lead to those "other" things that continue to pop into our lives.
I know what you mean about those quality comments. The one I'm never sure what to do with is, "in light of what came up today" -- I always want to ask, "where you surprised? Are you worried? Did I over react? Is this bad? Good? urg!" Yesterday I said something about therapists having to be sort of Jack of All Trades, since I started into therapy looking for someone to help me with life goals and then we started working on empty nest stuff, and then the old trauma and now marriage stuff. He said that is what he expects in a deep therapy and it was good and very satisfying for him. Then he quickly added, "it might not feel good at times..." Hate that word "good".
Mother stuff is really painful. I hope you post for support around it when you need to.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 8, 2005, at 12:05:54
In reply to Re: It wasn't really about hair color, of course, posted by daisym on September 8, 2005, at 10:07:19
Hi,
Perhaps your mom and my mom could talk to each other about their health and other woes? Hmmm, or maybe that's just setting them up for frustration, since they both will want to talk about themselves? How would that work?((((AllDone))))
gg
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on September 8, 2005, at 13:39:20
In reply to Re: It wasn't really about hair color, of course, posted by gardenergirl on September 8, 2005, at 12:05:54
Oo! Oo! Can my mom join their club? ;)
EE
> Hi,
> Perhaps your mom and my mom could talk to each other about their health and other woes? Hmmm, or maybe that's just setting them up for frustration, since they both will want to talk about themselves? How would that work?
>
> ((((AllDone))))
>
> gg
Posted by fairywings on September 8, 2005, at 13:40:08
In reply to It wasn't really about hair color, of course, posted by All Done on September 8, 2005, at 1:50:24
I can sympathize with you on the mom thing laurie! don't ya hate it? someone forgot to tell them that the world does not revolve around them, surprise, surprise! if it would be fun for you, maybe do some shocking stuff, like the fake nose rings, or fake tattoos, or if you're not married, borrow a biker dude, or if you are married, get your hubbie to go in on borrowing a pseudo affair biker dude.
I'm glad beefcake is sensitive to the positive changes in your life. don't know about the comments beefcake is making, btw, ever tell him you refer to him as beefcake? LOL, i'm sure you don't, but it sure would be fun to tell him! ; )
fw
Posted by fairywings on September 8, 2005, at 13:43:25
In reply to Re: It wasn't really about hair color, of course, posted by daisym on September 8, 2005, at 10:07:19
I got the same line from both the last two Ts, is that a normal T line? "it might not feel good at times..." I often felt like I was being handed lines with exT, I don't like being handed lines. I don't with this new one.
fw
Posted by Annierose on September 8, 2005, at 16:15:50
In reply to Re: It wasn't really about hair color, of course, posted by gardenergirl on September 8, 2005, at 12:05:54
Can my mom join the club too?
She just called me at work to ask how I was, and before I could say a thing, went on and on about her new medical diagnosis (she was excited to have a new one!).
Posted by Dinah on September 9, 2005, at 19:33:36
In reply to It wasn't really about hair color, of course, posted by All Done on September 8, 2005, at 1:50:24
I'm glad he responded in a nice way. :)
Mother issues. Sigh. I know the drill. I'm playing out that game with my mother this week. She hasn't the tiniest concern with what's going on at home, or what's happening with her dogs. Less than the average person on the street, I think. I can't let it get to me.
My therapist is pretty careful with the compliments on how hard I worked or how important what we were discussing was. I guess he realizes (or maybe I've told him) that it is an indirect comment on other sessions. He only really ever says it when I'm obviously drained when leaving a session, and I think he does it for reassurance that it was worth the distress. Do you notice a correlation between when he says it and how you feel when you leave a session?
Posted by sleepygirl on September 9, 2005, at 22:59:24
In reply to It wasn't really about hair color, of course, posted by All Done on September 8, 2005, at 1:50:24
I know it's completely irrelevant, but for some reason I'm really curious!
Posted by All Done on September 10, 2005, at 0:54:23
In reply to Re: It wasn't really about hair color, of course » All Done, posted by Annierose on September 8, 2005, at 6:13:01
> It's nice when the men in our lives notice changes, especially all the good ones. Beefcake is a sweetie. I agree, it was an authentic response.
Thanks. Even though on one hand I believe it was an authentic response, there's still huge part inside me saying there's no way he could have meant it. Yuk. Stuff like this is such a struggle for me.
> My T has mentioned the quality of our sessions sometimes. In fact, just recently she commented that I seemed less distracted, more in the room, talking more about past pains. It was in reply to my question, "are we going anywhere with this stuff?".
I'm glad to hear other Ts comment on the quality of sessions. That's one of the things I love most about having Babble to share our experiences. Very little about therapy seems odd to me anymore (at least after I come here and ask or read). Hmm, that's a good thing, right? ;)
> BTW - What was his other response to "How are you doing today?". When my T got back from her 2+ week summer vacation (who's counting ...) I told her I was going to ask her how her vacation was, but I already had the conversation:
>
> Me: How was your vacation?
> Her: Fine (reply 1) - or -
> Her: Do you have any feelings about my going away? (reply 2)
>
> --- neither reply would be satisfying so I wasn't going to ask. She laughed. And thankfully, moved forward.:-)
Shortly after I was whining about the fact that I didn't know anything about him, Beefcake told me he was tired because he was working on finishing his basement or something like that. All I heard was, "wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh" like Charlie Brown's teacher. That's when I realized that when I *think* I want to know more about his "real" life, it may really be about something else or some other need of mine.
Posted by All Done on September 10, 2005, at 1:03:20
In reply to Re: It wasn't really about hair color, of course, posted by daisym on September 8, 2005, at 10:07:19
> It sounds like things are really going well and I'm glad you got an authentic response. It is amazing how those things lead to those "other" things that continue to pop into our lives.
>
> I know what you mean about those quality comments. The one I'm never sure what to do with is, "in light of what came up today" -- I always want to ask, "where you surprised? Are you worried? Did I over react? Is this bad? Good? urg!" Yesterday I said something about therapists having to be sort of Jack of All Trades, since I started into therapy looking for someone to help me with life goals and then we started working on empty nest stuff, and then the old trauma and now marriage stuff. He said that is what he expects in a deep therapy and it was good and very satisfying for him. Then he quickly added, "it might not feel good at times..." Hate that word "good".I think next time he says anything about the "good stuff" we're working on, I'm going to ask him what he means by good. Turn about is fair play, right?
I'm glad to hear your T says he expects to address lots of topics in deep therapy because I know I'm all over the place sometimes and I've thought of my T as being a Jack of All Trades as well. I've asked him a couple of times how he does it, but he never answers. I imagine that we teach them a lot along the way, though.
> Mother stuff is really painful. I hope you post for support around it when you need to.
Thanks, (((Daisy))).
Posted by All Done on September 10, 2005, at 1:14:22
In reply to Re: It wasn't really about hair color, of course, posted by gardenergirl on September 8, 2005, at 12:05:54
> Hi,
> Perhaps your mom and my mom could talk to each other about their health and other woes? Hmmm, or maybe that's just setting them up for frustration, since they both will want to talk about themselves? How would that work?
>
> ((((AllDone))))
>
> ggI've always thought we are sisters separated at birth. Now that we both have purple hair, I can prove it. (Just kidding, sleepygir.) :-)
I can only imagine if our moms were in a room together they wouldn't hear a word the other one had to say :-(.
Hugs to you, too, (((((gg))))).
Posted by All Done on September 10, 2005, at 1:17:35
In reply to Re: It wasn't really about hair color, of course, posted by Emily Elizabeth on September 8, 2005, at 13:39:20
> Oo! Oo! Can my mom join their club? ;)
>
> EE
Absolutely, Emily Elizabeth! I'm setting up the headquarters on an island far, far away....maybe Birdwell Island? ;-)
Posted by All Done on September 10, 2005, at 1:23:19
In reply to Re: It wasn't really about hair color, of course » All Done, posted by fairywings on September 8, 2005, at 13:40:08
> I can sympathize with you on the mom thing laurie! don't ya hate it? someone forgot to tell them that the world does not revolve around them, surprise, surprise! if it would be fun for you, maybe do some shocking stuff, like the fake nose rings, or fake tattoos, or if you're not married, borrow a biker dude, or if you are married, get your hubbie to go in on borrowing a pseudo affair biker dude.
You make me laugh, fairywings! :-) Have I ever told you guys that my husband and I both do the same type of accounting? People always ask us if we talk about work over dinner. Sad thing is, I can't say no. I like to tell people, "we're the most exciting couple you know". ;-)
Sorry you understand the mom thing, though. ((((fairywings))))
> I'm glad beefcake is sensitive to the positive changes in your life. don't know about the comments beefcake is making, btw, ever tell him you refer to him as beefcake? LOL, i'm sure you don't, but it sure would be fun to tell him! ; )
>
> fwI came very close to telling him a few weeks ago. I'll probably tell him someday. I don't think he'd mind. He takes a lot of my teasing in stride. :-)
Posted by All Done on September 10, 2005, at 1:26:33
In reply to Re: all done and » gardenergirl, posted by Annierose on September 8, 2005, at 16:15:50
> Can my mom join the club too?
>
> She just called me at work to ask how I was, and before I could say a thing, went on and on about her new medical diagnosis (she was excited to have a new one!).Sure she can join. I'm sad to hear how many members they're going to have, though :(.
My mom could be the resident ex-nurse and offer tons of sympathy when she makes everyone believe they have some fatal disease. She does like to do that for others.
Posted by All Done on September 10, 2005, at 1:34:54
In reply to Re: It wasn't really about hair color, of course » All Done, posted by Dinah on September 9, 2005, at 19:33:36
> I'm glad he responded in a nice way. :)
>
> Mother issues. Sigh. I know the drill. I'm playing out that game with my mother this week. She hasn't the tiniest concern with what's going on at home, or what's happening with her dogs. Less than the average person on the street, I think. I can't let it get to me.Oh, Dinah, I'm sorry. It seems with something so huge there would be at least a slight change in her attitude. Maybe the stress is just making it worse, though. My mom is at her "finest" when she's under a lot of stress. Sorry you're having to deal with that right now.
> My therapist is pretty careful with the compliments on how hard I worked or how important what we were discussing was. I guess he realizes (or maybe I've told him) that it is an indirect comment on other sessions. He only really ever says it when I'm obviously drained when leaving a session, and I think he does it for reassurance that it was worth the distress. Do you notice a correlation between when he says it and how you feel when you leave a session?
Well, lately, even though they've been tough, I've been feeling pretty good about the sessions myself. I'm not surprised at *what* he is saying, just surprised that he *is* saying it.
I'm thinking a lot about you and your family, Dinah. I'll be glad when you can get back home...along with all of your neighbors.
Posted by All Done on September 10, 2005, at 1:37:35
In reply to You know I can't stop wondering..what color? » All Done, posted by sleepygirl on September 9, 2005, at 22:59:24
> I know it's completely irrelevant, but for some reason I'm really curious!
I think my T would tell me nothing is irrelevant ;).
I went from blonde to a light brown. In four more weeks, I'm going to a truer brown.
Posted by Dinah on September 10, 2005, at 7:25:46
In reply to Re: all done and » Annierose, posted by All Done on September 10, 2005, at 1:26:33
> My mom could be the resident ex-nurse and offer tons of sympathy when she makes everyone believe they have some fatal disease. She does like to do that for others.
Oh my. Except for the fact that my mom wasn't a nurse, I could swear we are sisters. lol. My mother likes to perform that same chore.
Sign me up too.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 10, 2005, at 14:08:23
In reply to Re: all done and » All Done, posted by Dinah on September 10, 2005, at 7:25:46
Yep, my mom's a nurse, too. Imagine the "too much information" conversations they can have!
And yes, an island far far away....:)
gg
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.