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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on September 1, 2005, at 15:45:06
I went to therapy today feeling kind of anxious and sad and vulnerable about my feelings towards her, given that we've increased to three sessions a week, we're talking about really intense sexual stuff, and my insurance is about to run out. I got pretty sad telling her how dependent on her I felt. Then she pointed out how last session was very intense and wanted to know how that felt for me.I told her--I can't believe I did this--that the session was sexually arousing for me and that that was very confusing and made me feel even more attached to her. She said that was really important for us to talk about even though it was really hard. I was so embarrassed but I told her anyway. She said I wasn't alone, that it happens to other people, too, if that helped me at all. I think it does, although I imagine I'm the only woman who this has happened to. (Silly, I know.)
It's really good, I guess, I hope. I don't know. She said it was important to figure out what was going on for me, in the hopes that one day maybe I could experience these sorts of feelings in a context where I might be able to act on them. That made me sad because I don't think that will ever happen. I will only ever be that turned on by my therapist, and it will only ever be frustrating. I feel like crying.
But I guess this is progress. I've never done this before.
Posted by happyflower on September 1, 2005, at 17:15:22
In reply to I can't believe I told her, posted by crushedout on September 1, 2005, at 15:45:06
Crushedout, it sounds like you had a very intense and difficult session. You are very brave for being so honest with your T. How long have you been working with her? She handle the senistive subject quite well with class and caring. I wish I had 1/2 the amount of bravery as you. (((((crushedout))))) Good job!
Posted by crushedout on September 1, 2005, at 17:16:38
In reply to Re: I can't believe I told her, posted by happyflower on September 1, 2005, at 17:15:22
thanks, happy. it was really hard. i'm kind of reeling from it.i've been working with her for about 10 months.
Posted by fallsfall on September 1, 2005, at 17:20:16
In reply to I can't believe I told her, posted by crushedout on September 1, 2005, at 15:45:06
Good for you! And it sounds like she handled it admirably. She is good for you, Crushed. And you are working VERY hard.
If I were close by, I would take you out for ice cream!
Posted by crushedout on September 1, 2005, at 17:22:54
In reply to Re: I can't believe I told her » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on September 1, 2005, at 17:20:16
:)I need some given all this frustrated sexual energy.
Posted by daisym on September 1, 2005, at 19:17:09
In reply to Re: I can't believe I told her » fallsfall, posted by crushedout on September 1, 2005, at 17:22:54
I'm so impressed at how hard you are pushing yourself to confront the hard stuff. And your therapist continues to meet every challenge just the right way. She really is very good! :)
I bet you are reeling...so much to think about. Try not to over think things though, I know I can get myself all twisted up after sessions like that.
Is there anything you wanted to say but didn't? Not to pry, or anything. I just find that when I open up these kinds of subjects I come away thinking "Oh, I should have said..."
I agree with Falls. Go eat ice cream.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 1, 2005, at 21:33:28
In reply to Re: I can't believe I told her » crushedout, posted by daisym on September 1, 2005, at 19:17:09
Wow, what a change from before! I'm so glad you have a sensitive and caring T to help you with these feelings. What courage it took to talk about that!
Good for you.
gg
Posted by crushedout on September 1, 2005, at 23:58:52
In reply to Re: I can't believe I told her » crushedout, posted by daisym on September 1, 2005, at 19:17:09
I actually can't think of anything I wish I said. Which is good, I guess. It means I was saying everything that came to my mind, maybe.Which is what you're supposed to do, right?
I've never been very good at that.
A lot of the time I had to hide my face with my hands I was so embarrassed. And she would have to speak for me. Like, for example, I said that I got turned on I guess because of the topic (hiding face in hands). She said, "Was it because of the topic or was it because you were telling *me* about it."
[Blush, bury face deeper into hands:] "The second one, actually."
Tonight I "celebrated" by going to see "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" on Broadway with Kathleen Turner. I haven't had any ice cream but I think I'm ready for bed.
I'm feeling very attached to this therapist. It's terrifying.
Posted by terrics on September 3, 2005, at 11:58:22
In reply to Re: I can't believe I told her, posted by gardenergirl on September 1, 2005, at 21:33:28
I know I haven't been around and probably shoudn't comment about too much, but you are very brave to be able to discuss things so openly with her. She sounds like a good T. terrics
Posted by luvdove on September 6, 2005, at 18:09:07
In reply to Re: I can't believe I told her » daisym, posted by crushedout on September 1, 2005, at 23:58:52
Hi crushed out, I'm new here but just had to respond to this, hope that's ok...
I just think you're SOOOO brave to say this stuff to your therapist!!!! I talk about sex a lot with mine (thats where most of my issues are - big history of abuse etc) and can understand how you could become aroused and how fantastic that you actually said this to her! I am guessing that you are female also? (sorry for not knowing!!) It must be incredibly intense for you having these feelings and so frustrating as well. It sounds like she is a good t to be willing to talk about it, without 'acting' on it.
I lie on the couch when I see my t and hide under this blanket, I have so much shame attached to all the sex stuff it's SOO humiliating to talk about, but necessary I think. The only way through it is through it etc etc!
Anyway, just wanted to reiterate how brave and courageous you are! You're gonna get well hun
luv xx
Posted by crushedout on September 6, 2005, at 18:14:20
In reply to Re: I can't believe I told her » crushedout, posted by luvdove on September 6, 2005, at 18:09:07
thanks, dove. and welcome. you should always feel free to jump in and reply to my posts (and probably most anyone's, i would venture to say). it's great to get feedback and input and we're so happy to have you here.you're right, it was so hard to say this stuff. it was very embarrassing. yes, i am a woman and it's normal that you would not know that.
i'm really looking forward to seeing my T again this week after the holiday. i miss her.
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