Posted by crushedout on September 1, 2005, at 15:45:06
I went to therapy today feeling kind of anxious and sad and vulnerable about my feelings towards her, given that we've increased to three sessions a week, we're talking about really intense sexual stuff, and my insurance is about to run out. I got pretty sad telling her how dependent on her I felt. Then she pointed out how last session was very intense and wanted to know how that felt for me.I told her--I can't believe I did this--that the session was sexually arousing for me and that that was very confusing and made me feel even more attached to her. She said that was really important for us to talk about even though it was really hard. I was so embarrassed but I told her anyway. She said I wasn't alone, that it happens to other people, too, if that helped me at all. I think it does, although I imagine I'm the only woman who this has happened to. (Silly, I know.)
It's really good, I guess, I hope. I don't know. She said it was important to figure out what was going on for me, in the hopes that one day maybe I could experience these sorts of feelings in a context where I might be able to act on them. That made me sad because I don't think that will ever happen. I will only ever be that turned on by my therapist, and it will only ever be frustrating. I feel like crying.
But I guess this is progress. I've never done this before.
poster:crushedout
thread:549698
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/549698.html