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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jadah on August 14, 2005, at 16:05:30
Im doing everything i can to stay positive. Ever felt like the world just isnt on your side and no matter what you do youre gonna lose? My cancer is spreading again, only 3months after a major surgery to remove most of it (when surgery was over I had an 8 inch surgical incision, 18 staples on the outside and over 30 stitches on the inside) Recovery was horrible and I had such high hopes. On top of the physical pain, I am being bombarded with hormones which is reaking havoc on my moods (irritability, anxiety...things I havent felt in a long time) My boyfriend told me last night that he thinks we should cool it for awhile. He says he cant handle any of this anymore and he was angry that I didnt tell him this up front when we met. First of all things werent as bad when we first met secondly, you dont just walk up to someone whom youre interested in and sayu " hi, my name is Jadah and I have cancer, do you still want to get to know me?" You just dont spill all of your beans until you get to know someone and see where it is going to go. Am I wrong in thinking this way? I was so hurt and angry. I asked him what would he have done if we were married and I had gotten sick would you have divorced me!? My T has shown no signs of leaving really soon, I think he's too afraid b/c Im fragile right now. If I lost him too, I feel sometimes that this all would be too much to handle. I also have other stressors. Im about to break. I go to the hospital on friday for another scan and discuss, hopefully some better treatment options. Sometimes I ask myself whether treatment is worth the aftermath and maybe I should choose between my physical health and my emotionsl health (on radiation which makes me sick, taking northindrone acytate which is supposed to help with the radiation side effects however the side effects from the pills is just as bad, and the hormones is making me a real bitch!) I dont want to be alone, but I dont want to drag people down. I feel like I am in a lose-lose situation. If only I had some control over what was happening to me. *sigh*
Posted by Susan47 on August 14, 2005, at 18:29:23
In reply to *sad* (long), posted by jadah on August 14, 2005, at 16:05:30
I don't know how much hope you hold out against your cancer, but hope is important, Jadah. Does the centre where you get your radiation have classes in meditation and guided visualization, or relaxation? Do you do that for yourself? I'm happy your therapist is still there for you. You probably do need him very much, especially now that your boyfriend has dumped this on you. He's a pretty frightened guy, isn't he? Does he know about your therapist?
Posted by alexandra_k on August 14, 2005, at 21:28:44
In reply to *sad* (long), posted by jadah on August 14, 2005, at 16:05:30
((((Jadah))))
I'm sorry, this must be a really hard time for you :-(
I don't really know what to say...
But I'm thinking of you.
Hang in there and vent as much as you need / want
Posted by orchid on August 15, 2005, at 13:42:42
In reply to *sad* (long), posted by jadah on August 14, 2005, at 16:05:30
I can really understand what you are going through. I feel very bad for you for the bad fate and the things you have to go through.
Leave your boyfriend and don't worry about him. He is not worth it.
I am glad your therapist is still there to support you. He must be a pretty good guy at heart.
Do you believe in God? And in chanting/prayers/meditation etc? I can teach you some form of chanting that I do to calm my mind down. It does give me lot of strength and hope. You can babble mail me. I will be gone offline for a while in a week, but I am available this week. If you wish, please babble mail me. Sometimes when things get too much, I give up everything to God to figure it out what the best thing for me to do is. And I get some insights mostly.
Do you have other family to talk to? Are you part of a church? Usually, people who are very religious and conscientious will be the good ones to help us out when there is a serious issue. (my observation only) Rest of the folks tend to stay away. I think it is really important for you to attend a church or other form of religious gatherings nearby. There are some hindu temples nearby also (I think you said you live in Illinois).. There are some groups called ISKCON or more popularly called as Hare Krishnas. And they advocate repeatedly chanting "Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare". Repeatedly saying this kind of calms my mind. That is what I chant, even though I am not too involved in other principles as such. I say it for half an hour a day, and if I am more agitated, I chant for a little longer, and that is usually very effective in calming my mind. Plus they are usually very caring for people with illness etc. Sometimes they are little too strict about their faith, but maybe you can just ignore that part and take what you like. Maybe you can go there and check it out if you like.
I do admire your good ness, and the fact that you still manage to be polite and nice even when faced with such difficulties.
I will pray for you.
Posted by jadah on August 15, 2005, at 17:59:35
In reply to Re: *sad* (long) » jadah, posted by orchid on August 15, 2005, at 13:42:42
thanks for your prayers and support. My bf and I are talking and decided to just slow things down. Whatever, I have bigger fish to fry. I Do believe in God. What gets in the way of my relationship with Him is when I dont understand why things are happening in my life. There is a reason for everything, I know- I think. Two years ago I struggled with this after losing a close friend to a long drawn out battle with cancer. I try not to feel sorry for myself, some days it is easy to stay on the pity pot. I pray all the time, it usually helps. When it doesnt I know it is b/c I have strayed or lost faith. I always tell myself that God is bigger than cancer. With him I can move mountains all I need is a tiny mustard seed of faith. Im afraid to die but I know I will go to heavan... in the kingdom with my Father. My life here on earth is nothing compared to the everlasting life and overwhelming joy I will experience in heavan. I have to admit though that I am a slacker when it comes to going to church. Will work on it! Thanks again for all of your suggestions and support. One day at a time, right. Today, so far, is livable. Oh, I also learned that laughter is great medicine!
Posted by orchid on August 15, 2005, at 18:04:13
In reply to Re: *thanks guys, posted by jadah on August 15, 2005, at 17:59:35
Posted by fairywings on August 15, 2005, at 22:01:36
In reply to *sad* (long), posted by jadah on August 14, 2005, at 16:05:30
I'm so sorry for all that you are going through Jadah, I think what susan suggested is really awesome. those kinds of things can be really helpful.
fw
Posted by Damos on August 16, 2005, at 17:16:47
In reply to *sad* (long), posted by jadah on August 14, 2005, at 16:05:30
Can't begin to imagine all that you're going through. (((((Jadah))))) You're in my thoughts.
Posted by jadah on August 16, 2005, at 18:49:48
In reply to Re: *sad* (long) » jadah, posted by Damos on August 16, 2005, at 17:16:47
a warm fuzzy from jadah ((((((smooches))))) You guys are by far the best thing that ever happened to me!
Posted by jadah on August 16, 2005, at 18:51:35
In reply to Re: *sad* (long) » jadah, posted by Damos on August 16, 2005, at 17:16:47
GONE TO FIND MYSELF. IF IF I RETURN BEFORE I GET BACK, PLZ LET ME KNOW!
Posted by Damos on August 16, 2005, at 18:55:12
In reply to Re: silly, posted by jadah on August 16, 2005, at 18:51:35
If you see me on your travels, can you please tell me to 'GET BACK TO WORK!'
This is the end of the thread.
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