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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 11:35:26
Ok, this is hard. I will return to work on the 14th of March after an extended leave because of both physical and mental health issues. I am a nervous wreck! I have always loved the place where I work. The work is interesting, varied and fast-paced. But, I am now having serious doubts about my abilities and am worried that I will be a disappointment and a failure when I return. Until now, I have always had a good reputation at work as a high performer and my appraisals have been outstanding, both of which have always come as a shock and a surprise to me (it is always in the back of my mind that it is just a matter of time before they see what a dud I really am). What if I can't do it anymore? I have made some demands that are in my best interest in advance of my return. I have asked to be relieved of my management responsibilities and be given a role where I am not having to work 11 or more hours a day and be responsible for others in a managerial sense. After months of disagreeing on this issue, my boss has finally agreed, and has offered me two things - both of which would be extremely interesting an challenging. I am not afraid of hard work. I have been working since I was 14, and have sometimes held two jobs. It's the fear of letting others down that has me almost paralyzed. It's the fear of my inability to enforce boundaries and stand up for myself and my needs. Oh God, what am I going to do?
Posted by partlycloudy on February 23, 2005, at 12:09:57
In reply to Returning to work, posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 11:35:26
Take it very easy on yourself - you will be tired just from being not at home. I bet you're the kind of person who holds yourself to standards much higher than anyone you work for does. Paving the way beforehand with your responsibilities and hour works adjusted was a great idea. Part of what I found difficult about my return to work was that nothing had changed within the job. I had to make the changes within myself as to how I responded to the things that would set me off before. I'm better at it every day.
Also I found that it was difficult to maintain my concentration for the first few weeks, so I brought a white noise machine in to keep the auditory distractions down.
take good care,
pc
Posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 12:23:27
In reply to ((((Tamara)))), posted by partlycloudy on February 23, 2005, at 12:09:57
you can do this.
What you are feeling is just those nasty little self-doubts that have always plagued you- you mention them yourself about how you were surprised they "never found out you are a dud"...when it was perfectly obvious to your boss, at least- if not you, that you're not a dud at all!!
And you were spectacular before as you will be this time, too.
I have no doubt about that.
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 23, 2005, at 12:26:09
In reply to Returning to work, posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 11:35:26
>Ok, this is hard. I will return to work on the 14th of March after an extended leave because of both physical and mental health issues. I am a nervous wreck!
That is hard! I feel for you. It is never easy to return to something after a break.
>I am now having serious doubts about my abilities and am worried that I will be a disappointment and a failure when I return. Until now, I have always had a good reputation at work as a high performer and my appraisals have been outstanding, both of which have always come as a shock and a surprise to me (it is always in the back of my mind that it is just a matter of time before they see what a dud I really am).
You are a dud? you fooled me and thats hard to do.
>What if I can't do it anymore?
You sound like an extrememly competent person who has a good head on her shoulders, I am confident you will be successful.
> I have made some demands that are in my best interest in advance of my return. I have asked to be relieved of my management responsibilities and be given a role where I am not having to work 11 or more hours a day and be responsible for others in a managerial sense. After months of disagreeing on this issue, my boss has finally agreed, and has offered me two things - both of which would be extremely interesting an challenging.
Thats an incredible start! I am glad you are taking care of youself in this way.
> It's the fear of my inability to enforce boundaries and stand up for myself and my needs. Oh God, what am I going to do?
you just confronted someone with something that i think most would find very difficult, I think that is amazing and a big step. It is hard to protect ourselves and i am not that great at but it sounds like you are starting on the right foot, even though you are scared.
when I read your posts you sound so strong and knowledgable. If you carry what you have inside into the office you will do great :)((Tamara)) Take care of yourself
Did you get reflexology done?
Posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 13:34:15
In reply to ((((Tamara)))), posted by partlycloudy on February 23, 2005, at 12:09:57
Thanks Partlycloudy. I will try to take it easy. I think part of my problem has been that, in the past few months, I have been taking it too easy. When I first got sick, I was pushing myself - have to get better - exercise, socialize, keep busy, get out. Now it seems I have stopped putting pressure on myself, and have gone from one extreme to another. I have always been hyper, going non-stop, and that was a way of life I was comfortable with. Now, can I find a happy medium? I guess I will have to try. I am just glad that I won't have to deal with staff anymore (that sounds so mean). I love my staff, but they were, at times, a demanding lot. And, I just couldn't turn them away, even when I had urgencies, demands and deadlines from the bosses to deal with, etc. Some days it would get so bad, there would be four or five people in my office at one time all wanting a piece of me. My lunch would sit uneaten most days until 4 or 5 in the afternoon, and I would finally have about an hour between 5:30 and 6:30 when I had some time to myself. I know my pattern. Unless I take steps now to change it, within months I will be back to my old ways of putting everybody ahead of me. Sorry for the rant! And, thanks for listening. And, I am glad to hear that things are getting better for you as the days go by. I know you were struggling greatly for a while. I hope things only continue to improve. My thoughts are with you Partlycloudy.
Tamara
> Take it very easy on yourself - you will be tired just from being not at home. I bet you're the kind of person who holds yourself to standards much higher than anyone you work for does. Paving the way beforehand with your responsibilities and hour works adjusted was a great idea. Part of what I found difficult about my return to work was that nothing had changed within the job. I had to make the changes within myself as to how I responded to the things that would set me off before. I'm better at it every day.
> Also I found that it was difficult to maintain my concentration for the first few weeks, so I brought a white noise machine in to keep the auditory distractions down.
> take good care,
> pc
Posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 13:37:34
In reply to Re: ((((Tamara)))), posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 12:23:27
Thanks Sunny. I just don't want to let anyone down. I will try to think positive from now on. I CAN! I CAN! I CAN!. I will repeat that mantra over and over until it sinks in.
Tamara
> you can do this.
>
> What you are feeling is just those nasty little self-doubts that have always plagued you- you mention them yourself about how you were surprised they "never found out you are a dud"...when it was perfectly obvious to your boss, at least- if not you, that you're not a dud at all!!
>
> And you were spectacular before as you will be this time, too.
>
> I have no doubt about that.
>
>
Posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 13:41:54
In reply to Re: Returning to work » TamaraJ, posted by rainbowbrite on February 23, 2005, at 12:26:09
Thanks Rain for your kind words and your encouragement. They are much appreciated.
> Did you get reflexology done?
-- Not yet. I am going to probably plan my spa experience for after my return to work. I will probably need some pampering then. I'm looking forward to it though.
Talk to you later.
Tamara
Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2005, at 17:56:00
In reply to Returning to work, posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 11:35:26
Well, you're doing great so far! You were very clear on the conditions you needed to be able to return to work, and you are valued enough that they agreed.
And even better, you have two choices that both interest and excite you!
I can't think of a better way to start.
It may be that you'll get right back into work mode, but if it takes a little while don't be too hard on yourself. It's sometimes hard to shift modes.
Posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 20:24:43
In reply to Re: Returning to work » TamaraJ, posted by Dinah on February 23, 2005, at 17:56:00
Thanks. That was a big step for me, and I surprised myself that I was able to be that assertive. I am going to try very hard not to put too much pressure on myself in the early days. Having the opportunity to go on training will make it easier to get back in the swing of things. So, I'm happy about that.
Anyways, thanks again. And, you take good care of yourself Dinah. I am thinking of you wishing you good health and well-being.
Tamara
> Well, you're doing great so far! You were very clear on the conditions you needed to be able to return to work, and you are valued enough that they agreed.
>
> And even better, you have two choices that both interest and excite you!
>
> I can't think of a better way to start.
>
> It may be that you'll get right back into work mode, but if it takes a little while don't be too hard on yourself. It's sometimes hard to shift modes.
Posted by TamaraJ on February 27, 2005, at 22:34:12
In reply to Returning to work, posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 11:35:26
I had a pretty good week last week, and I thought I was over the worst. Yesterday and today, I am nauseas, headachy and very, very weepy (and I haven't even been thinking about my return to work!). I can't do it. Nothing, absolutely nothing. I am of no use to anyone anymore, and that is a hard pill to swallow. I have never been afraid of hard work, and, actually, have always thrived in a fast-paced, high-pressure environment where the hours are long and the breaks are few and far between. And, although I haven't always had a lot of confidence in my abilities, I have been fortunate to have worked for those that have had enormous confidence in me. And, now, I am a disappointment - to everyone.
I am sorry.
Tamara
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 27, 2005, at 23:04:49
In reply to I don't think I can do it :-( » TamaraJ, posted by TamaraJ on February 27, 2005, at 22:34:12
Aww Tamara
you can do it, it is so hard to start up again. It is just scary, once you get back you will feel it again, trust me on this one. It may take a little while but it usually gets better. I know nothing that I say will help right now, the way you feel is an awful feeling and hard to kick, but try to do things for your self that make you feel better.
hang out with some friends, or do anything you enjoyTake care of yourself (((Tamara)))
rain
Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2005, at 9:52:09
In reply to I don't think I can do it :-( » TamaraJ, posted by TamaraJ on February 27, 2005, at 22:34:12
Obviously I know how you feel. :(
All I can say is take small steps. I'm currently working what I work during non-busy periods, and my therapist wants me to see that as a big victory, even though we both realize it won't cut it with as many projects that are behind right now.
Don't look at the big picture. Focus on something small and work from there.
Posted by TamaraJ on February 28, 2005, at 11:21:46
In reply to YES you can » TamaraJ, posted by rainbowbrite on February 27, 2005, at 23:04:49
Thanks for the encouragement Rain. I have just never felt like this before. And, I have been doing everything in my power to overcome the feelings. I guess I just have to have confidence in myself - that is all.
Tamara
> Aww Tamara
>
> you can do it, it is so hard to start up again. It is just scary, once you get back you will feel it again, trust me on this one. It may take a little while but it usually gets better. I know nothing that I say will help right now, the way you feel is an awful feeling and hard to kick, but try to do things for your self that make you feel better.
> hang out with some friends, or do anything you enjoy
>
> Take care of yourself (((Tamara)))
> rain
Posted by TamaraJ on February 28, 2005, at 11:24:55
In reply to Re: I don't think I can do it :-( » TamaraJ, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2005, at 9:52:09
Thank you Dinah for those words of wisdom. I, like you I think, have a hard time with little steps. But, I will try very hard for the next while to overcome my inherent tendency to run instead of walk, to leap instead of step.
Take care of you.
Tamara
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 28, 2005, at 11:49:51
In reply to Re: YES you can » rainbowbrite, posted by TamaraJ on February 28, 2005, at 11:21:46
confidence in self is easy to say but hard to do. I agree with Dinah just take baby steps, I also suck at doing that, but I do think that it helps. again easier said than done
(((Tamara)))
This is the end of the thread.
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