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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Aphrodite on February 22, 2005, at 12:49:00
The chances of this happening have to be staggering. We live in a large city. In a part of town where neither of us reside, I pulled up to a church at night for an obscure author's lecture. The church and topic is of a religion to which neither one of us belong. I pulled into a parking space in a large lot, and my T pulled up too. I panicked and tried to find an easy way to leave, but I was afraid I may have already been spotted. And I did PAY for this and I wasn't going to be chased away! I was alone; he was alone. I decided to be mature about it. He smiled at me, and I walked up and said, "Don't I know you from somewhere?" There was some ensuing small talk, and I went along my merry way starting to panic again that it is general seating and do I just sit there like I don't know him? Would he sit by me? Would it be rude of me to sit elsewhere? I thought it would be nice but scary to sit with him. Before I had any time to think, he was walking next to me on the long path from the lot to the church. He does not have a ticket, he tells me, and he called ahead and believed they were sold out. He tells me to wait; he thinks he can talk someone into letting him in.
By now I am in a complete panic. I saw him once outside of his office at a conference. I was presenting on the 3rd floor, his psych conference was on the second. I lost my breath then, too. Why do I do this?!?!? I froze on the church steps as he spoke. I had no idea that he was so tall or what his hair looked like when the wind blowed. He was like a totally different person. I told him, now that I thought about it, I really was tired and had a long day, and he was welcome to have my ticket. He kept arguing with me about it and said he was sure they would let him in, just wait and see. But I knew I could never concentrate -- my anxiety level was so high. I didn't know the appropriate rules of behavior and he was being nicely familiar and friendly. Could I be the same way? I insisted enough, and he finally took my ticket. I began to walk away with tears in my eyes. I got a glimpse of what it would be like to have him as a friend and it was entirely too painful.
He called me after the event to thank me and tell me that he ordered me a CD of the event. "Wasn't that just so odd?" he asked. "I think our similarities is why the universe put us together in this work."
So bizarre. I hope I did the right thing.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 22, 2005, at 13:53:48
In reply to A therapist and his patient walk into a church . ., posted by Aphrodite on February 22, 2005, at 12:49:00
I think I would have done the same exact thing as you. Nothing wrong with what you did.
It was very kind of him to call you and get you the cd. SOunds like a keeper to me!
Posted by Shortelise on February 22, 2005, at 16:00:09
In reply to A therapist and his patient walk into a church . ., posted by Aphrodite on February 22, 2005, at 12:49:00
You obviously did the right thing for you.
I think it's unfortunate for you that you didn't get to hear the lecture!
I would have freaked out too.
ShortE
Posted by pinkeye on February 22, 2005, at 16:08:49
In reply to A therapist and his patient walk into a church . ., posted by Aphrodite on February 22, 2005, at 12:49:00
I would have gone with him and sat with him and enjoyed the lecture. There is of course no right or wrong for these things. You just do what you feel comfortable doing. I never had a problem with this one - thinking that my T is a human and will have a life outside of the therapy room and that he would probably be a very different person outside.. maybe it has to be that way because I knew a lot of doctors from childhood and knew their life outside of being practitioners.
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2005, at 18:45:28
In reply to A therapist and his patient walk into a church . ., posted by Aphrodite on February 22, 2005, at 12:49:00
I'd have done the same. In fact, he might not have gotten the ticket at all, because when I saw him I probably would have rabbited.
Congratulations on handling it in a mature way.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on February 22, 2005, at 21:15:44
In reply to Re: A therapist and his patient walk into a church . . » Aphrodite, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2005, at 18:45:28
I think that you did a great job. I loved the "Don't I know you from somewhere?" line. Very clever--and you came up with it under stress!
EE
Posted by mair on February 22, 2005, at 21:46:36
In reply to A therapist and his patient walk into a church . ., posted by Aphrodite on February 22, 2005, at 12:49:00
You did great - I'd have been right behind Dinah, running out the side door.
After running into my t in a restaurant a few weeks ago, I told her I had no real problems with boundaries; I didn't aspire to a different kind of relationship with her. BUT I did look forward to the day, sometime after I had stopped seeing her, when running into her in town wouldn't be so awkward.
Mair
Posted by daisym on February 23, 2005, at 0:59:47
In reply to A therapist and his patient walk into a church . ., posted by Aphrodite on February 22, 2005, at 12:49:00
(((Aphrodite)))
Sounds painful and hard. And lonely.
I wish you could have found a way to stay but I totally understand. Therapy is already hard enough. I guess he owes you one...:)
I've only seen my therapist once in the community and he was driving. That was close enough!
Take good care.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 23, 2005, at 1:25:42
In reply to A therapist and his patient walk into a church . ., posted by Aphrodite on February 22, 2005, at 12:49:00
I think you did a very nice thing. Sounds like the whole thing was kind of ruined for you at that point anyway because it would have been just too hard to concentrate.
Ew ew ew. What was he doing out of his office???
(I know they are people too, but I prefer not to dwell on it)
;-)
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 23, 2005, at 1:28:59
In reply to A therapist and his patient walk into a church . ., posted by Aphrodite on February 22, 2005, at 12:49:00
OH how uncomfortable! I don't know what I would have done, probably just stand there praying he wouldn't get a ticket and then if he did Id awkwardly go in with him and feel uncomfortable the rest of the evening.
I think you handled it well, and that was so kind of him to get you a cd!
Posted by Susan47 on February 23, 2005, at 10:22:53
In reply to Re: A therapist and his patient walk into a church . . » Aphrodite, posted by rainbowbrite on February 23, 2005, at 1:28:59
I'm struck, and I've thought this before, at how uncomfortable you seem to be with your therapist, at heart. He doesn't seem to want that, he seems to want you to be comfortable with him, he's lovely at making his efforts. You seem to be a lovely person yourself, are you uncomfortable because maybe he likes you more than you think he should? Just a stab in the dark, because I don't understand why you don't feel comfy around him. I didn't feel comfy around my T in public either until I began to trust him.. which was too late.
Posted by Susan47 on February 23, 2005, at 10:31:17
In reply to Aphrodite., posted by Susan47 on February 23, 2005, at 10:22:53
It wasn't because my T liked me, or I thought he liked me either. It was, I think, because I didn't like myself so much. I felt like a fool, pretty much.
It sounds like a lot of us have trouble seeing our T's in public. But the weird thing is, now, I'm thinking about my new T, and I'm thinking I'm not going to have any trouble at all seeing her in public, and I'm also feeling she could be my friend. I mean, not that that would really happen, but I have this good heart-to-heart feeling about her, that we're equals, somehow my last therapist, whom I still feel madly about, somehow we didn't start out as equals, I think because he was a man and a man who I thought thinks too much of himself .. but I might've been wrong about that, really. I was starting to feel like I was wrong about that, near the end. But since then men have begun unfolding their ways to me, and I realize that maybe they're not the monsters I always thought they were. They're just opportunistic, hopeful, and sad. And some men are truly, really lovable.
Posted by vwoolf on February 23, 2005, at 12:57:57
In reply to A therapist and his patient walk into a church . ., posted by Aphrodite on February 22, 2005, at 12:49:00
This sounds really painful, and I'm surprised he didn't recognise how difficult it was for you. It would have been better if he had been more sensitive to your embarassment and confusion - after all, you are the one who is living in the transference by the nature of the therapeutic relationship, not him. It was his duty to turn back in a situation like this, not yours. I do hope you manage to talk to him about this further.
Posted by pegasus on February 23, 2005, at 13:27:01
In reply to Re: A therapist and his patient walk into a church . ., posted by vwoolf on February 23, 2005, at 12:57:57
I agree with vwoolf. I think it was sweet of your therapist to want to stay with you, and then to buy you the CD and call you. And yet, I'm wondering why he didn't check in with you about whether it would be ok to sit with you before he just assumed it. It seems that most of the folks here would be freaked out about that scenario. I would have thought that a therapist would be sensitive to that.
I've spoken to therapist friends who say that they also are anxious about running into clients outside of the office. Mostly they seem to worry about doing something that will cause problems for the therapy, and the fact that it's so hard to know what is the most helpful thing to do in that situation.
Anyway, just reading your story made me all anxious, and I really feel for you. I probably would have done about what you did. Or I might have run away before talking to him. I can't imagine what I would have done if he'd walked with me and acted like he was going to sit with me! Blows the mind!
pegasus
Posted by Susan47 on February 23, 2005, at 15:02:56
In reply to Re: A therapist and his patient walk into a church . ., posted by vwoolf on February 23, 2005, at 12:57:57
That puts a whole new spin on it that I hadn't thought of and it's very perceptive, what do you think Aphrodite?
Posted by Aphrodite on February 24, 2005, at 14:23:40
In reply to A therapist and his patient walk into a church . ., posted by Aphrodite on February 22, 2005, at 12:49:00
I'm so profoundly relieved it wasn't just me who thinks the therapist should never be allowed to leave his chair! Of course, I should clarify that he never said he would sit next to me, I just didn't know how to graciously "split" when we walked to the door so I decided to bolt.
At our next meeting, he was just so bubbly and thankful about my generosity and still so pleased that we are so much alike that we wound up at the same thing. I didn't want to burst his bubble telling him how awkward I found it to be. I didn't worry about processing it because what are the chances something like that would ever happen again? Fingers crossed that I am right.
Thanks!
Posted by alexandra_k on February 24, 2005, at 14:41:01
In reply to Thanks all, posted by Aphrodite on February 24, 2005, at 14:23:40
> At our next meeting, he was just so bubbly and thankful about my generosity and still so pleased that we are so much alike that we wound up at the same thing.
Oh, cringe. I mean it is nice in a bumbling kind of way, but completely insensitive to how you were feeing nevertheless. Now maybe I'll get jumped on for saying so, but guys can be a bit like that at times...
>I didn't want to burst his bubble telling him how awkward I found it to be. I didn't worry about processing it because what are the chances something like that would ever happen again? Fingers crossed that I am right.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and me both.
Maybe you will get the opportunity to bring it up sometime. Just about how uncomfortable you feel seeing him outside his office. I don't know. Might save him embarrasment with other clients. But you handled it pretty well, I think.
Posted by Susan47 on February 24, 2005, at 14:47:00
In reply to Thanks all, posted by Aphrodite on February 24, 2005, at 14:23:40
He just sounds like such a sweetheart. I find it hard to believe he did anything wrong ... but maybe he did. I don't know. Did he?
Posted by Susan47 on February 24, 2005, at 14:48:01
In reply to Re: Thanks all » Aphrodite, posted by alexandra_k on February 24, 2005, at 14:41:01
I'm just thinking maybe he was "bumbling" on purpose. I mean, isn't he trying to make Aphrodite feel more comfortable with him, in that context it all makes so much sense.
Posted by Aphrodite on February 24, 2005, at 15:05:58
In reply to Re: Thanks all » alexandra_k, posted by Susan47 on February 24, 2005, at 14:48:01
and I wouldn't call him "Mr. Boundaries," so it was probably no big deal to him at all to see me outside of therapy. It's nothing for him to talk about his day, share his stories, and generally be very open; I guess since he wasn't freaked out, I shouldn't be either. Most of the time, his style is perfect for me. Once in awhile, I freeze.
This is the end of the thread.
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