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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by susan47 on March 13, 2009, at 19:18:11
to someone like you, because none of this has mattered to you in any way other , than a business sense, I wonder why you went into the profession of therapy. I wonder what it's for, if people leave feeling so badly about themselves they want to kill themselves, and have family as silent witness to an insanity that never needed to happen .. the same family that saved me from myself and that doesn't know how much lower I've sunk than I dreamed I could, that I'm back to something I have no business touching again ever, that I don't know how to stop feeling Bad about myself, who I was back then, who I allowed myself to become, and I cannot, will not Ever repeat my relationship with you, dear ex-Therapist, because I am tired of people's ill-placed understandings, I am tired of the Judgments of Others, and I want to make a god damn Difference in the world, and a Good Difference, not a bad one. And I will. God give me the courage I need to change the things that really matter to me. And god grant me the wisdom to leave well enough alone and to find a better way to Forget my Past, a better way to ask forgiveness, a better way to emblazon myself with the sorrows of my sins.
Please forgive me. You don't have to help me forget, I may not need to forget, maybe I can use Who I've Become to make the world a bit better.
Posted by susan47 on March 13, 2009, at 19:26:00
In reply to And Because I cannot make a difference, posted by susan47 on March 13, 2009, at 19:18:11
is that I take the yoke of responsibility, do you understand, do you see this? You will never read this, will you? The silence is my witness.
What I want you to understand, to know, is that I felt such pure Love when I thought of you, there was a time this happened inside me. And I tried to destroy it by making it all public, and painful, much more painful than even I knew, I knew I would pay the Price, one day, but I never knew it would hurt this much, and I wonder how much I would have changed if I had just been a different person. How much more well I would age, like a fine wine, instead of the whore I've been.
Posted by susan47 on July 31, 2009, at 18:51:31
In reply to What I Mean to Say, posted by susan47 on March 13, 2009, at 19:26:00
Secondly, I have been the furthest thing from a whore. No, almost. Not a nun far from it but no s-e- whatever either. Those days seem to be over. Glad, I am. Yes. Actually really just glad I don't ever have to put myself out there ever ever again, my body belongs to me it's mine, don't even bother looking ... it's mine. Mine.
This is the end of the thread.
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