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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by susan47 on April 15, 2008, at 12:45:15
Today I disposed of the last of my mj. I'm scared. I'm so scared. I'm so afraid of what I've done to myself, what I've allowed me to do to myself, my brain feels fried, my soul likewise.
Where is my soul? Where is that "center of my being"?
Posted by susan47 on May 1, 2008, at 18:35:24
In reply to Today, posted by susan47 on April 15, 2008, at 12:45:15
Perhaps a withdrawal journal.
Once again, at the end of supply. But knowing that my feelings still are me, still belong to me, still are real whether enhanced, a feeling of magnitude towards a goal, some sense of where I am headed, where I am going ... perhaps this time, I will be able to survive, perhaps now my mind has let go of enough, let go of enough horseshit to just let me Be.
Posted by Susan47 on May 2, 2008, at 10:59:49
In reply to Journal, posted by susan47 on May 1, 2008, at 18:35:24
I just smoked the last of my roaches, about seven or eight of them all cut up papers and all into one last joint, it was so disgusting and the taste in my mouth .. foul. I never thought this would be me. I don't want the yellow teeth and the yellow saliva, I remember once i judged a guy because he was a chainsmoker and when he threw his head back and laughed with his mouth open, there was all this yellow saliva. It was so gross. i never kissed him, it would have been gross.
Now I am doing things like this. Like I KNOW better. Like, I brush and brush and drink healthy homemade fresh juices and eat plain yogurt with Immunocal in it, pure protein, high quality protein to stave off disease, and look what I'm doing to my brain, to my lungs, to my cells. Oh, God.
F*ck it f*ck it f*ck f*ck f*ck.
Anything to feel without fear.
Posted by susan47 on May 13, 2008, at 18:28:19
In reply to Journal, posted by susan47 on May 1, 2008, at 18:35:24
A simple word.
The life squeezed out of my will.
No will, no desire to live.
Nothing. There's just simply nothing here.
I wish I had a will to live.
I wish I had hope.
I wish I had a future.
I wish I had a good future.
I wish I had love in my heart, for life.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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