Psycho-Babble Writing Thread 770539

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As Days Go By

Posted by B2chica on July 19, 2007, at 11:19:25

As Days Go By
more and more become endless and blurred
riddled with exhaustion and fear
i am tired
i am growing hopeless.

the child cries
my breaths come back and form purpose

as days go by
the days long, i have no time to realize my substandard being
when the night shades and the child sleeps
i realize my flawed existence and contempt for normalcy
i question how such a life can continue
as this vehement cycle lingers

as days go by
a stronghold of disdain wraps its fingers around my heart
infiltration of inside
its existence shows no signs to desist.
my legs feel such contempt and no longer allow me to run
my arms now contain the abhorrence and no longer allow me to fight
my heart understands the distaste and pushes away affection
the brain folds to the animosity,
and any enjoyment is snuffed out.

this self is now becoming the black bile that
infiltrated the soul...years ago.
...as days go by.

b2c

Re: As Days Go By » B2chica

Posted by Sigismund on July 19, 2007, at 15:40:34

In reply to As Days Go By, posted by B2chica on July 19, 2007, at 11:19:25

When I was coming to the end of my interminable therapy, my T volunteered the opinion that (sort of) the main problem with me was my contempt.
I proved her right by vehemently rejecting this suggestion. I shouldn't have been so sensitive.
Now I'd be more inclined to say 'what the hell, f*ck yeah, I don't have to be perfect'.

Contempt is still something I have to watch out for.
Sometimes, very rarely, I feel (like Tennyson?) 'why should I ever try to leave the kindly race of men?'

But mostly I don't feel that at all, and more like this....

What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
There is shadow under this red rock,
(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

Incidentally, I feel quite sure that Eliot was very experienced in depersonalisation.

Re: As Days Go By

Posted by B2chica on July 20, 2007, at 9:04:07

In reply to Re: As Days Go By » B2chica, posted by Sigismund on July 19, 2007, at 15:40:34

thanks for your thoughts Sig.

>>Incidentally, I feel quite sure that Eliot was very experienced in depersonalisation.

-i agree. it seems i've lived a few years like that.

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