Shown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by susan47 on July 18, 2006, at 19:41:08
There. Staring at some fruit or vegetable. In front of me. Is that him? Looks like it but can't be .. it is. It is. Oh. Which way around? He steps back and I duck in front, pretending I see nada, nothing, zip zilch I am invisible LOOK AT ME DAMN IT I love him Oh sh*t that's impossible you don't know him no and he doesn't look that good, he has these eternal bags there, under the eyes, I want them to go away I want those things to disappear because it makes him look too worried, but I know that isn't true because I feel horrible, absolutely horrible because I know the feeling I get is he wishes he could just disappear, just get me out of here quickly, quickly I need to pick this up I can't explain why I couldn't now, but damn this ex-pain-in-the-butt patootie, ... agh.
Let me die because the short version of this means I'm a stalker, because phoning someone's number repeatedly and talking into their machine, leaving "messages" f*ck it, f*ck it fuckitfuckit how'd I get so f*cked up...
and then the thought that the long version is no, no. The long version is the one I know to be true also ... that I needed help, and I helped myself the only way I knew how.
I did the best I could.
Posted by susan47 on July 18, 2006, at 20:23:31
In reply to Whew. Today., posted by susan47 on July 18, 2006, at 19:41:08
or edit it but please don't make it disappear. Okay.
Okay? Because when I saw this when this happened today when I knew I was loathed by this person, to some extent because he lives in the Real World... he lives in the real world, the world of attorneys and lawsuits and peace bonds and blame, blame blame and guilt guilt guilt and who the hell do you think you Are, Little Girl ... making a nuisance of yourself, you're nothing but a public nuisance .. God I'm so ashamed.
Okay.
Okay.
Pick yourself up, little girl. Pick yourself up and Be a Woman. Be A Woman. A W-o-m-a-n .. a warrior princess. Warrior Princess. Someone actually called me that today, because someone knows me IRL ... and I am. I am. I can be. YES. Yes.
Posted by susan47 on July 18, 2006, at 20:34:16
In reply to Whew. Today., posted by susan47 on July 18, 2006, at 19:41:08
Why do some people have this ability to excite us? What is it? I don't get it. I really don't. Because it isn't right, it's not fair, to have someone Make my Day just by being, just because I really know he's alive and he's okay and he was there, sharing air space with stupid stupid me .. but I don't want to be that, I really don't want to be stupid or shallow or narrow-minded or scared of everything .. and I am, I am, I am all those things.
He was the opposite, but maybe I could grow into that. Maybe I could grow, become, Become.
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 21, 2006, at 10:56:18
In reply to I'm mad, Insane I say, posted by susan47 on July 18, 2006, at 20:34:16
Posted by susan47 on July 21, 2006, at 16:48:56
In reply to Re: thanks (nm) » susan47, posted by Dr. Bob on July 21, 2006, at 10:56:18
Excuse me Dr. Bob, are you thanking me for calling myself insane, or apologizing for bad language, or both, or something else???
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 25, 2006, at 23:51:05
In reply to Re: thanks » Dr. Bob, posted by susan47 on July 21, 2006, at 16:48:56
> Excuse me Dr. Bob, are you thanking me for calling myself insane, or apologizing for bad language, or both, or something else???
For apologizing, sorry, I replied to the wrong post!
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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