Posted by susan47 on July 18, 2006, at 19:41:08
There. Staring at some fruit or vegetable. In front of me. Is that him? Looks like it but can't be .. it is. It is. Oh. Which way around? He steps back and I duck in front, pretending I see nada, nothing, zip zilch I am invisible LOOK AT ME DAMN IT I love him Oh sh*t that's impossible you don't know him no and he doesn't look that good, he has these eternal bags there, under the eyes, I want them to go away I want those things to disappear because it makes him look too worried, but I know that isn't true because I feel horrible, absolutely horrible because I know the feeling I get is he wishes he could just disappear, just get me out of here quickly, quickly I need to pick this up I can't explain why I couldn't now, but damn this ex-pain-in-the-butt patootie, ... agh.
Let me die because the short version of this means I'm a stalker, because phoning someone's number repeatedly and talking into their machine, leaving "messages" f*ck it, f*ck it fuckitfuckit how'd I get so f*cked up...
and then the thought that the long version is no, no. The long version is the one I know to be true also ... that I needed help, and I helped myself the only way I knew how.
I did the best I could.
poster:susan47
thread:668103
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060523/msgs/668103.html