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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Joan797 on May 14, 2006, at 16:52:05
You need to sit down Daddy.
Why?
Because you've been standing there by the sink for two hours.
You need to sit down Daddy.
I don't want to.
But your back will be hurting if you don't.
You need to sit down and eat something Daddy.
I don't have anything to eat.
Dinner is right there on your bedside table.
I haven't ate anything.
I know, you need to eat, it's right there by your bed.
I can't eat, I don't have any teeth.
You have your teeth in, remember Daddy, I helped you put them in.
Can you sit down and eat something so you can take your medicine?
I don't want to.
Why don't you want to?
I don't know.
You've been standing there for a long time Daddy, why don't I help you go get back in bed.
I can get there just fine by myself.
But you aren't doing it, let me help you.
Why are you here? We can't get along.
I'm here to help you Daddy.
Well, you are p*ss poor help.
I'm just trying to get you to sit down so your back won't hurt, and eat something so you don't starve. What do you want me to do?
I don't know. Noone is here to help me.
I'm here to help you.
Noone is here to tell me what to do.
You don't have to do anything Daddy, just rest. We are here to help you and take care of things.
But I don't know what to do. Someone needs to tell me what to do.
Well, you need to sit down so your back won't hurt, and your feet won't swell.
My back hurts.
Yes, that's why you need to sit down. Here, take my hand and I'll help you sit down.
I don't want to.
What are you doing Daddy? You're peeing on the floor.
I know it.
Why are you doing that? Here, let me help you get to the toilet.
I don't want to.
Okay, I'm going to clean the floor and go back to bed.
Why?
Because it is the middle of the night.
Well, turn the lights on, I can't see.
The lights are on Daddy.
I can't see.
What do you need Daddy. You never ate your supper. Do you want me to make you something else?
Well, I don't know.
Do you need something to drink?
No, I don't have anything to drink.
I know, do you want me to get you something to drink?
Huh?
Do you want me to get you something to drink?
What for?
Well, you said you didn't have anything to drink, and i thought you might be thirsty.
Why?
Here, let me get you a glass of water.
My mouth is dry.
Let me help you get a drink.
Why?
Because you said your mouth was dry.
Can I help you get back in bed now?
Why?
Because it's the middle of the night.
Why?
Well, it just is.
Can you take a bite of ice cream so you can take your medicine? Here, let me help you. Daddy, can you take a bite? You need to take your medicine.
I'm going back to bed Daddy.
Why?
Because it's the middle of the night and I'm tired.
Are you sick?
No, I'm just tired Daddy, it's 3 A.M.
Why are you tapping on your bedside table Daddy? Do you need something?
Huh?
I said do you need something?
Why?
Because you woke me up tapping on your bedside table, I thought you might need something.
Why?
I don't know, I'm going back to bed.
Are you sick?
No, it's 4 A.M. I'm just tired.
Well, I haven't ate all day.
I know Daddy, I fixed you lunch and supper, but you wouldn't eat anything. Do you want me to fix you something now?
Why?
Because you said you were hungry.
Why?
Daddy, do you want something to eat? Daddy? Are you hungry?
My stomach hurts, I haven't ate anything all day.
Ok, what would you like to eat?
Huh?
What do you want me to fix you Daddy?
Don't you want to eat this?
Daddy, are you going to eat?
I thought you said you were hungry.
Why?
I don't know, I'm going back to bed.
Are you sick?
No Daddy, I'm just tired.
Why?
Well, I haven't slept all night.
The world continues to turn in a circle and we spin along with it hoping desperately for relief and yet feel guilty for wishing for it. The nightmare comes every night and every day and it repeats itself over and over again until I am in a crumpled exhausted heep on the floor unable to utter anything but jibberish. The white coated men can't rescue me fast enough. Of course, someone has to call them, and I certainly don't have time, and noone else is going to call, because I might not be able to sustain the life they are all accustomed to. And they wonder why I drink.
Posted by ClearSkies on May 14, 2006, at 17:24:56
In reply to You need to sit down Daddy, posted by Joan797 on May 14, 2006, at 16:52:05
Your Daddy needs some full-time, all around the clock care. We are as strong as we possibly can be for our families. There comes the time when we must pass the responsibility for our family's care to someone else. To a professional health care provider - home health aide, adult-sitter, someone to relieve your responsibility.
Dementia is such a difficult illness, even as part of another, chronic disease. We see our family member suffering; they say things that we recognize as their words; but they are beyond our reach and they are beyond their comfort zones. Nowhere feels familiar, and nobody feels safe. It's a frightening time to be a child of a parent whose grip has slipped and can't be regained.
But I fear that your endless stores of strength are being depleted beyond your wellbeing and ability to recuperate. You have to put your own health before your Dad's - otherwise, how can you support him?
Can you apply for some day-time or night-time relief until such time that your Dad has to be checked in for chronic care, like into a nursing home?
love
ClearSkies
Posted by sleepygirl on May 14, 2006, at 22:54:00
In reply to You need to call for help, Joanie, posted by ClearSkies on May 14, 2006, at 17:24:56
so much to deal with Joan..you need some help
I wish you could make it alright for him, but it is beyond you, and any single person at this point
sounds heartbreaking for sure...
I'm sorry
Posted by sleepygirl on May 14, 2006, at 22:57:06
In reply to Re: You need to call for help, Joanie » ClearSkies, posted by sleepygirl on May 14, 2006, at 22:54:00
Posted by Estella on May 15, 2006, at 4:18:05
In reply to You need to sit down Daddy, posted by Joan797 on May 14, 2006, at 16:52:05
I'm sorry Joan.
That would be hard for anyone.
Can you get some help?
((((Joan))))
Posted by Joan797 on May 15, 2006, at 7:16:16
In reply to You need to call for help, Joanie, posted by ClearSkies on May 14, 2006, at 17:24:56
I don't think I would get a thumbs up of approval from the rest of us nurses to do that. They already want to quit and put the burden all on me. Yet the nursing home and all it's "money eating" ways isn't a viable option in their eyes either. After all, to some, it's all about the money and it being there when he's dead. Being the youngest tends to make a person a manby pamby who can't stand up for herself.
Posted by Joan797 on May 15, 2006, at 7:23:53
In reply to You need to sit down Daddy, posted by Joan797 on May 14, 2006, at 16:52:05
Every other night. And Day. It's not constant. It's not like I'm living there 24/7. It just feels like it. When I'm not there I am an emotional wreck a large lump of fat laying on the couch. I am beyond repair. But it doesn't matter because I do what I do because it is expected of me and I lose myself over again every day. It's amazing what you can go through and still be alive. I keep thinking I'll just break and they will put ME in a home. Somewhere safe where food and drugs are passed out freely and all the sharp pointy things have been taken out of my reach.
Losing Mother to a horrible car crash wasn't as hard to live through as this. Because this is emotionally scarring. It's making me insane. More than I already was.
I can't tell them I can't do it anymore. I have only recently repaired years of damage to my family ties due to my own domestic situation.
I just have to buck up.
This is the end of the thread.
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