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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on March 29, 2006, at 11:51:29
I did the naughty thing, the dialing thing, the listening thing, only there was no ring this time .. it was the beep of consciousness. Beep, beep, beep ... how lovely, how exciting to know he was real, that the person could have turned around yesterday and it might have actually had his face, it would have been his spirit looking through the eyes, the spirit I loved when it was kind, being whole in himself, wholly there without fear .. but the world is a nasty place, sometimes, awful in it's in-your-face here-ness ... it's only when you're in a place of fearless loving, that you can be free. And I must stop making any calls to that number, because even though he hasn't struck me down yet, I know he could, and I know that's the way the real world works. No more, the real world is not, at this time anyway, going to live up to what it's capable of.. but it's up to each one of us to make that happen, the consciousness of each and every person affects the consciousness of the next.
Posted by special_k on April 10, 2006, at 4:43:26
In reply to Today, posted by Susan47 on March 29, 2006, at 11:51:29
hey sweetie. i just saw this... sorry...
you still being naughty heh heh.
i have sympathy
but slap your wrist ;-)
oh susan...
susan...
susan (that last one had a slight tone to it)but you don't need lectures.
i understand. i've been known to do the odd thing like that. oh yes i have been known..
sigh.
(((((((((((susan)))))))))))
just thought you might want a specialTM hug :-)
Posted by special_k on April 10, 2006, at 4:50:31
In reply to Re: Today » Susan47, posted by special_k on April 10, 2006, at 4:43:26
(I know he's blood but you can still turn him away you don't owe him anything)
do you go to the dungeon
to find out how to make peace with your days in the dungeon
writing a letter to you
didn't make me feel any more peaceful than how I felt when we weren't
speaking
because I didn't cop to what I did.
I can't love you becaused we're supposed to have professional
boundaries.
I'd like you to be schooled and in awe as though you were kissed by
god full on the lips.
I'm in the front row the front row with popcorn
I get to see you see you close up
[Background]
(I'm too tired to recount the unpleasantries one by one
one minute I want to banish you
the next I want to be on a deserted island with you with my three
favorite cd's
ambivalent in your bed we've yet to acknowledge what really happened)
Slid into the ditch I have this overwhelming loss of amibition
we said let's name thirty good reasons why we shouldn't be together
I started by saying things like "you smoke" "you live in new jersey
(too far)"
you started saying things like "you belong to the world"
all of which could have been easily refuted
but the conversation was hypothetical
I am totally short of breath for you
why can't you shut your stuff off...
I'm in the front row the front row with popcorn
I get to see you see you close up
[Background]
and I laughed until my lungs hurt
I love how you bust my chops
You don't always feel seen
Sometimes you feel erasable unfortunately I cannot reciprocate in my
current state
I think we should be careful of how much time we spend together
.....for a while while i'm speaking
you know how much you hate to be interrupted maybe spend some time
alone
fill up your proverbial cup so that it doesn't always about you
I've been wanting your undivided attention I like the fact that you're
nothing like me
Are you not burdened by the lack of perspective people have of your
charmed life (seemingly)?
I'm in the front row the front row with popcorn
I get to see you see you close up
[Background]
you never meant to be ungrateful
nor held up to be whipped or wept
for certainly not analysed
prodded at more ways than one apparently you've been misrepresented
dealing with the concept of arrows being slung towards your outrageous
fortune
Hey I'm not mad at you guardian
I'm mad at myself for spending so much time with you and your jeckyl
and hydeness
i'm glad i firguratively slapped you on the wrist
you laughed a wicked laugh and said "come here let me clip your
wings!"
(I know he's blood but you can still turn him away you don't own him
anything)
"raise the roof he yelled "yeah raise the roof!" I yelled back.
(Unfortunately you needed a health scare to reprioritize.)
No thanks to the soap box
Having my rile against them won't make an ounce of difference...
I'm in the front row the front row with popcorn
I get to see you see you close up
[Background]
Oh the things I've done for you
many a sitch a friend a man's been left for you
oh the books i've read for you
the tongues i've bitten for you many a new city for you
for you many a risk taken for you (not a single regret)Alanis Morissette
"Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie"
(You might like the album...)
;-)
"Front Row"
Posted by special_k on April 10, 2006, at 5:01:53
In reply to Re: Today, posted by special_k on April 10, 2006, at 4:50:31
not that that was a link to the album
ahem
Posted by susan47 on April 10, 2006, at 13:50:54
In reply to Re: Today, posted by special_k on April 10, 2006, at 4:50:31
Not my kind of thing, but I can relate to that stage of the T/client relationship, if that happens .. I mean, infatuation is for the birds, it's silly really, but necessary too, for development, for any kind of motion or movement forward, there has to be the motivation and infatuation is a terrific one, a feel-good motivator .. damn therapists, they're effing experts in that, not all of them maybe but a damn fine number .. how many years, how many clients, how much experience, how much self-knowledge, blahblahblahblibbety blah .. Sarah McLaughlin's music is more the way my emotions ran .. I think the types of love she sings about are more the magical type, which is where I love to live, really. In magic .. in magic, hah. Thanks for that, sk .. "s" is for special, yes you are ...
Posted by special_k on April 10, 2006, at 22:33:25
In reply to Re: Today » special_k, posted by susan47 on April 10, 2006, at 13:50:54
> Not my kind of thing...
yeah. people tend to either love her or hate her (i think she might be pleased with that). that album... i think it comes across as musically challenged in places... but if you consider it is poetry really it ain't so bad (though a little hard to listen to in places).
i used to be really into her... moving on from that now... jagged little pill was great (i thought). she does the tortured woman thing quite well. when i was pissed off or something it helped to vent along with her lyrics...
> I mean, infatuation is for the birds, it's silly really, but necessary too, for development, for any kind of motion or movement forward, there has to be the motivation and infatuation is a terrific one, a feel-good motivator
hrm. i agree that movement is helpful... but i think there are things other than infatuations that can inspire movement. passions can inspire movement (for example). but infatuation is indeedie a 'feel good' motivator. well... kind of. like p is a 'feel good' motivator. it can feel intensely good... but then it can also feel intensely bad. and the cost of feeding it (the infatuation) is that it will feel intensely bad.
more moderate... is hard.
> .. damn therapists, they're effing experts in that, not all of them maybe but a damn fine number .. how many years, how many clients, how much experience, how much self-knowledge, blahblahblahblibbety blah ..
do you think therapists encourage infatuation?
i agree that (some) encourage transference (believing it to be neccessary for the client to access past issues) or something like that... but then sometimes transference is more of an unintended side effect of a therapy relationship.i don't know.
i don't know how much you were encouraged...
and how much you wanted to be infatuated
because sometimes the violent emotions help us feel alive...
but fostering the violent loving ones...
tends to get teh violent hating ones coming along...> Sarah McLaughlin's music is more the way my emotions ran .. I think the types of love she sings about are more the magical type, which is where I love to live, really. In magic .. in magic, hah.
hmm. haven't heard her. but i've heard someone else mention her... as her favourite singer. maybe i should check it out.
you are special too susan oh yes you are :-)
Posted by susan47 on April 19, 2006, at 10:38:51
In reply to Re: Today » Susan47, posted by special_k on April 10, 2006, at 4:43:26
I don't know .. I was re-reading this, just now, special "K" yes you, you I know you by another name ... can you change it again? Oh this is so hard, to call you a different name ... but here, anyway THANK YOU for being yourself, for comforting me here and KNOWING how it is to be too much ... (((specialk)))
Posted by Estella on May 8, 2006, at 10:01:58
In reply to Re: Today » special_k, posted by susan47 on April 19, 2006, at 10:38:51
hey. i don't think i can change back... i don't think i can... but is this name better susan dear? at least it is a proper name... it might grow on you. or maybe i'll find the courage. or the strength. or the hope. or something. i don't know. i don't know that i can or should. i hunted a little for derivatives that would allow the nickname but to no avail.
when i find the courage i'll let you know and you can call me that in the body of the posts okay?
but not yet. i'm sorry. i'll try and stick around. but i don't know susan. i don't know. i don't seem to be having much success controlling myself. controlling my moods. controlling my hurts. i'm sorry susan.
Posted by susan47 on May 13, 2006, at 23:10:41
In reply to Re: Today » susan47, posted by Estella on May 8, 2006, at 10:01:58
Estella, estella, es-tell-a
Estella.
Mmmmmmmm, beautiful.
This is the end of the thread.
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