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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by corafree on April 25, 2006, at 20:35:30
For the last thirty years of my life, I've gone into restroom cubicles, pulled out a toilet seat cover, put it on the toilet seat, and stuck my butt on it 'real fast', so that it would not fall into the toilet. I figured 'everyone' must be getting their butts on them fast. I figured toilet seat covers weren't designed correctly. I figured it was, "Move your as*, or loose your cover!"
Well, in the recent past, something wonderful happened. I pulled out a cover, placed it on the toilet, and turned around and saw something different. I'd had about enough of this whole cubicle 'move your as* fast' thing. After a few years (Thirty, actually.), if something's bothering me, I do something about it! So I decided to more closely inspect the situation.
To my startling surprise, the cover wasn't moving or falling in? "What's this?", I thought?! Something looked different. It was the flap! I'd had my flaps as*-backwards all this time! Yep, it had been all about the placement of the flap. All those years I'd been putting those dam* things on as*-backwards! I could have spent my entire life never knowing the proper application of toilet seat covers! I'd stepped back and could finally see the forest for the trees! (Well, the bowl for the cover in this case.) I'd learned that when it comes to toilet seat covers, it's all about flap placement. Flap in front .. NOT IN BACK!
So, now when I go into a cublicle and pull down my seat cover, I feel quite proud of myself as I place it on the toilet with the flap falling down from the front. Things are less rushed and it's a more enjoyable experience.(?)
I'd had a problem .. had enough of it (thirty years) .. and taken action. I guess I'd under-estimated the toilet seat covers inventors! I guess I'd under-estimated humanity! (Is that tall guy that wears red, white and blue here somewhere?)
Anyway, I'll not keep flapping on about this.
Now, I can't be the only one that doesn't/didn't know about the proper positioning of toilet seat covers .. can I? Uh, I don't think so. Fess (Is fess even a word?) up!
Ya' know, have to admit, I was 'a little embarrassed' when I realized it was just about the flap placement. I mean, "Why didn't I ever think about that anyway?" It wasn't some sort of mathematical equation or a 'read the paragraph, forget it, and can't answer the question' thing. It was just plain old 'street toilet seat cover talk'. (Can anyone say that five times really fast?)
Now, after all the trials and tributtlations in those many, many cubicles, I can finally say, "I'm buttwise!" And, so can you!
Yep .. No more standing there with my drawers around my knees, helplessly watching covers twirl down into the cold, mirky waters of the deep bowl. (I feel a little sad. Maybe I'll do it a few times just for old times sake!)
I just saved your *ss*s from contamination and your minds from TSCS, 'toilet seat cover syndrome'. (Can you say .. ? Oh, Never mind.)cf
Posted by zeugma on April 25, 2006, at 22:05:28
In reply to Buttwise, posted by corafree on April 25, 2006, at 20:35:30
you remind me of one of my favorite lines from Jacobean literature- 'Wisdom begins at the end.'
<<
Things are less rushed and it's a more enjoyable experience.(?) >>(!)
-z
Posted by corafree on April 25, 2006, at 22:54:29
In reply to Re: Buttwise » corafree, posted by zeugma on April 25, 2006, at 22:05:28
And in this case, the emphasis is on 'the end'.
I guess that makes us even 'Buttweiser'?!
I've always thought that if someone asked me, "Why have you come?", ... I'd tell them, "I'll tell you when I leave."
I've been messing around with humor a lot lately and thought I'd post 'whatever you would call this sort of writing'. I don't know what to call it. Just seems to pour out of me.
cf
> you remind me of one of my favorite lines from Jacobean literature- 'Wisdom begins at the end.'
>
> <<
> Things are less rushed and it's a more enjoyable experience.(?) >>
>
> (!)
>
> -z
>
>
Posted by jammerlich on April 26, 2006, at 0:01:13
In reply to Re: Buttwise » zeugma, posted by corafree on April 25, 2006, at 22:54:29
OK, but what about the automatic flushing toilets? That's where I seem to have problems. What do you do then?
Usually, I walk into the stall, get my cover in place, then turn around and unfasten my pants. If I don't have superhuman speed, before I get my butt planted, the darn thing flushes and I lose my cover!! I've found that if I sort of dance around a little bit while I'm unfastening the pants, the motion sensor "sees" me and won't caust the toilet to flush.
But, really, there's GOT to be a better (less humiliating) way. Please tell me you've figured THAT out too!!??
Posted by gardenergirl on April 26, 2006, at 15:28:39
In reply to Buttwise, posted by corafree on April 25, 2006, at 20:35:30
Isn't it great when that lightbulb goes off?
Thanks for posting this. It was a perfect time for a chuckle.
Take care,
gg
Posted by corafree on April 26, 2006, at 16:05:49
In reply to Re: Buttwise » corafree, posted by gardenergirl on April 26, 2006, at 15:28:39
Is that what's happening to me GG? I just started writing these 'silly little stories'.
I know, I'm poking fun 'at life'!
Can anyone here on the writing board tell me what this type of humor is called? (Be nice now!)
And yeah, 'I'm pretty sure I know what lurks behind the humor'!
As far as cubicles w/ sensors; I laughed so hard at that post, it threw me into a 'literal stupor' last eve.
I've been thinking about it today. The flushes that come from those sensors are like freakin' Niagara Falls .. and even w/ the flap in front, I'm not sure the cover would survive 'the undertow'! One thought .. maybe creep up alongside the cubicle .. but even then your feet are going to be facing an odd direction(?). Another thought .. maybe wait until all unzipped and bare 'butted', then grab your cover and try to put in on w/ one hand. (The other hand is holding up your shorts!)
Anyway, glad to hear a chuckle!
cf
Posted by zeugma on April 26, 2006, at 20:43:22
In reply to Re: Buttwise » gardenergirl, posted by corafree on April 26, 2006, at 16:05:49
I think it's safe to say that what "poured out of you" (you are blessed with a more cooperative GI tract than I am) evokes bottomless fascination in us all.
-z
Posted by corafree on April 26, 2006, at 21:42:39
In reply to Re: Buttwise » corafree, posted by zeugma on April 26, 2006, at 20:43:22
Yeah .. Right!
I actually had a helping hand (Well, best use the word 'suggestion' here!) from someone here on babble re: my GI tract.
Since beginning Magnesium w/ silica 300mg x2-3 tabs every day, usually with a bottle of water in late eve' .. in an effort to decrease emotional anxiety, it has increased physical 'output anxiety'!
Bottom's Up!
cf
> I think it's safe to say that what "poured out of you" (you are blessed with a more cooperative GI tract than I am) evokes bottomless fascination in us all.
>
> -z
Posted by llrrrpp on June 11, 2006, at 20:01:24
In reply to Re: Buttwise » zeugma, posted by corafree on April 26, 2006, at 21:42:39
Haha-
this one made me lol
nice threadMy T has been helping me explore alternatives to habitual behaviours and thought patterns.
Here's an alternative:
Why not apply the toilet seat cover to your butt, prior to applying your butt to the toilet seat.
Personally, I've never had a problem with the dang things. when pulling them out of the carton, I grab the leading edge with my hands, and that edge goes on the forward part of the potty (nearest the stall door).
If you wear black, the automatic toilet sensors won't see you. Kind of like being on mission impossible
toodles,
-ll
This is the end of the thread.
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