Psycho-Babble Writing Thread 634747

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cutting to the quick

Posted by B2chica on April 19, 2006, at 9:50:14

i've been dead.
all this time.
my eyes were open but my mind was not.
all this time.
the 'happy' times and secrets shared
was not my life, but a covered lie.
all this time.

of 33 years my life's been rising from below,i thought alive and wanting to be dead. i only see now that my life's been death awaiting new life.
it's closer now.
now that i draw more near death than ever before is life beginning to form.
all this time.

i crawl beneath who i thought i was.
i cower in shame.
"I WANT DEATH!" i scream, my clothes i rip from my ragged body, i claw my skin and wretched being.

the thoughts deepen, by wanting death i accept life.
all along. this vicious trickery! it wraps it's long fingers tightly around my thinned limp neck. like vines that suffocate themselves...all for the chance to overpower.

the pain envelopes my human body, the ache in my soul opened deeper.
i could have prevented it
i could have accelerated it

i did nothing but feel.
...all this time.

Re: cutting to the quick

Posted by Estella on May 6, 2006, at 22:14:19

In reply to cutting to the quick, posted by B2chica on April 19, 2006, at 9:50:14

Hey. I struggle a lot... Life... Death... Sometimes I think death is what I most want and I rail and suffer because it will elude me. But other times I am terrified of dying or getting closer to death and I am terrified because I think people want to kill me they wish me dead.

And I don't know what I want. And I don't understand.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry it hurts so much. Too much. A lot. It hurts too much a lot. I don't think life is supposed to be this way. But it is that way for a heck of a lot of people out there... And how to transcend that.... I don't know.

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