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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on December 20, 2005, at 11:58:18
is my children, the one thing I was most afraid of.
I'm not afraid of them anymore, because I'm their mother, and they're intelligent, emotional, creative and worthy people, and I MADE THEM mostly by myself, they were created inside my body and they're a part of me.
I love them.
Dearly.
Deeply, more deeply than I could have imagined.
And now I'm the best mother they could ever have.
I know that.
I always was, didn't always know that,
did not demand their respect ..
yesterday my daughter told me in no uncertain terms that the reason they all abused me, was because I put up with it. "Dad always slapped us if we abused him, but you never did, you were always too sympathetic, you were always .. oh poor baby ... you get abused because you ask for it!"
I was shocked, and I turned around and looked at her in the back seat, with her look of surprise and dismay at her own temerity (this is not a secret you TELL, never mind discovering this about yourself ...)
and I said,
"Thank you for saying what I've been trying to tell you and your dad for several years, remember what you just said, please don't ever forget it, I can't believe it came out of your mouth, and I can see that you don't, either."
Then she threatened me, that if I ever told anybody what we just talked about, I'd never see her again. She was totally embarrassed at being so bluntly honest and found-out. I don't blame her. I would be too, if I had to admit that my family relationships were that dysfunctional .. she basically admitted that they've been manipulating me for years. Because I finally caught on a couple of days ago and I faced them with it, and they both sheepishly, the exhusband #2 and my own daughter, that yes they were manipulating me. Because it was easy to do.
I used to be half-awake in my life.
But now I respect me, myself, and I know my worth. I've much to offer, that's good, lovely even, in many different realms.
And these kids are too.
Posted by Susan47 on December 20, 2005, at 12:08:28
In reply to Greatest Joy, posted by Susan47 on December 20, 2005, at 11:58:18
And that ex-husband is such a pithy bastard.
Tell me what makes me people that way.
Tell me how people can blithely manipulate other people, people they swear to be in LOVE with ..
how can they be so openly rude, disrespectful, and get away with it????
Why did I let him do it???
And why did his parents live the way they did, and why ad infinitum, I cannot tell dirty family secrets, HIS secrets. Not here. Not anywhere.
Because how could I have been so dysfunctional, to be with this person in the first place? It's pathetic.
Purely pathetic.
I have been .. pathetic.
Another adjective to the list that will describe me at my end.
Posted by Susan47 on December 20, 2005, at 12:12:48
In reply to Re: Greatest Joy, posted by Susan47 on December 20, 2005, at 12:08:28
.
> Tell me what makes me people that way.
I hate typos. Hate them.
Posted by Susan47 on December 20, 2005, at 12:17:59
In reply to Re: Greatest Joy, posted by Susan47 on December 20, 2005, at 12:08:28
I suppose it'll take whatever it takes. They need to grow up healthy. If I can't get his respect for myself, he'll need help. A push from a professional direction. I will have to insist upon a home study.
If nothing else, it will might make him want to fly straight, it might wake him up to the necessity of his own therapy. Because these things cannot be allowed to occur, they can't be ignored away.
Posted by Susan47 on December 20, 2005, at 12:24:51
In reply to Re: Greatest Joy, posted by Susan47 on December 20, 2005, at 12:17:59
Besides the fact that a father could say this to his nine year-old son, besides that being saddest of all, what's almost as sad is this is the way he really feels about himself, he's not talking to his son at all, in reality he's talking to himself .. it may be time to talk to parents of these adult children. It's time to start telling .. I'm not afraid of myself, there was never anything to be afraid of. It was never my stuff.
I never had to take on anyone's stuff.
Ever.
I'm not doing it anymore.
And I will deal with this.
Appropriately.
As ever.
Posted by Damos on December 20, 2005, at 21:12:40
In reply to Greatest Joy, posted by Susan47 on December 20, 2005, at 11:58:18
I haven't had a chance to read al the post on this thread but what you've said here is huge, bigger than huge. G*d what a shock that would have been. How did you feel? Bet your daughter shocked the h*ll out of herself when she realised what she'd said. Gotta feel good to have it out there though.
Posted by Susan47 on December 20, 2005, at 22:56:03
In reply to Re: Greatest Joy » Susan47, posted by Damos on December 20, 2005, at 21:12:40
This is the end of the thread.
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