Posted by Susan47 on December 20, 2005, at 11:58:18
is my children, the one thing I was most afraid of.
I'm not afraid of them anymore, because I'm their mother, and they're intelligent, emotional, creative and worthy people, and I MADE THEM mostly by myself, they were created inside my body and they're a part of me.
I love them.
Dearly.
Deeply, more deeply than I could have imagined.
And now I'm the best mother they could ever have.
I know that.
I always was, didn't always know that,
did not demand their respect ..
yesterday my daughter told me in no uncertain terms that the reason they all abused me, was because I put up with it. "Dad always slapped us if we abused him, but you never did, you were always too sympathetic, you were always .. oh poor baby ... you get abused because you ask for it!"
I was shocked, and I turned around and looked at her in the back seat, with her look of surprise and dismay at her own temerity (this is not a secret you TELL, never mind discovering this about yourself ...)
and I said,
"Thank you for saying what I've been trying to tell you and your dad for several years, remember what you just said, please don't ever forget it, I can't believe it came out of your mouth, and I can see that you don't, either."
Then she threatened me, that if I ever told anybody what we just talked about, I'd never see her again. She was totally embarrassed at being so bluntly honest and found-out. I don't blame her. I would be too, if I had to admit that my family relationships were that dysfunctional .. she basically admitted that they've been manipulating me for years. Because I finally caught on a couple of days ago and I faced them with it, and they both sheepishly, the exhusband #2 and my own daughter, that yes they were manipulating me. Because it was easy to do.
I used to be half-awake in my life.
But now I respect me, myself, and I know my worth. I've much to offer, that's good, lovely even, in many different realms.
And these kids are too.
poster:Susan47
thread:590665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20051205/msgs/590665.html