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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on December 17, 2005, at 17:06:18
So is time, been a long time. don't care. goto stop this sh*t
The kiss of knife on flesh
Sweet beads of releif
I could do it fast
But i goto prolong the horror
The first drip runs
I am alive
Do I not bleed
just like everyone else
I wipe dry and wait the next one
Like red tears.
I can cry.
i watch fat red tears rolling down
Posted by Damos on December 18, 2005, at 16:32:18
In reply to SI**Trigger***Tears, posted by muffled on December 17, 2005, at 17:06:18
So many tears. Oh Muffled, the thought of you hurting so much hurts so very much and bring so many tears.
I'm afraid for you, sad and worried for you. Worried and afraid for the little ones too. Wish with all my heart I could take the pain away. Wish I could wish us all to a clearing in your forest and we could just sit and isten to the forest and be safe.
I hope you know that even though I'm not here that much, that I'm never far away and that it matters to me that you're hurting. Being your friend means lots to me, it really does. Please talk to me if it helps.
Safe hugs to all the precious Muffled ones
((((((((((Muffled and the little ones))))))))))
Posted by alexandra_k2 on December 19, 2005, at 19:06:10
In reply to SI**Trigger***Tears, posted by muffled on December 17, 2005, at 17:06:18
(((((((((muffled)))))))))
it has been so long for me...
so long...
i remember feeling...
that there needed to be something on the outside
to match the something on the inside
i remember the feelings...
the hurt and numbness and gnawing frantic something that i still don't know how to name...
i'm sorry sweetie
((((muffled))))
just so long as you know we really care about you
i wish you didn't have to hurt yourself anymore :-(
i'm sorry sweetie
Posted by muffled on December 19, 2005, at 22:27:03
In reply to Re: SI**Trigger***Tears » muffled, posted by Damos on December 18, 2005, at 16:32:18
Damos, thanks so much. I think I babblemailed you but dunno if it worked? Anyhow, your post and over on psych and mail helped alot. Your so sweet.
I felt kinda bad bout posting that post about si later cuz its sort of awful.
Sorry.
Anyhow, we surviving sort of.
Hope your teeth will be ok (re:biting tines off fork- I was REALLY truly laughing when I read that. It just somehow struck me. And I wasn't having much to laugh about when I read it, thanks again, it was a nice moment)
I'll be ok, don't worry bout me, I WILL survive.
Just sometimes things are hard.
I want to be a good mom.
It'll be ok.
Thanks.
And the island thing too. I liked that.
I'm tired.
You take care mysterious Damos.
Muffled.
Posted by muffled on December 19, 2005, at 22:31:29
In reply to Re: SI**Trigger***Tears » muffled, posted by alexandra_k2 on December 19, 2005, at 19:06:10
Sorry if my post upset you. I shouldn't have posted it. I wrote it at the time and then posted it later. I wasn't thinking. Sorry.
Thanks for your posts. Thanks that you care. I wish I didn't have to do it either. Hopefully I won't. Peoples posts helped ALOT. Weird the power of the written word.
Hope things going good for you as far as moving etc.
Movings stressful at the best of times.
Will you be able to visit w/Damos?
Thank-you,
Takecare,
Muffled.
Posted by alexandra_k2 on December 20, 2005, at 0:26:48
In reply to Alex, posted by muffled on December 19, 2005, at 22:31:29
> Sorry if my post upset you.
Thats okay. You put a trigger warning on it and it did take me some time before I was ready to read it. And it took a bit for me to know what to say... I'm sorry about that. I sort of understand... But I sort of don't. I can't really remember... I don't remember my stuff very well. I mostly remember just wanting to fall into a dreamless sleep and never wake up. But there was a lot of other stuff too :-( I'm so glad I hardly ever feel like that anymore. Something just changed for me one day. After my last attempt.
:-(
I'm sorry.
I don't know what to do about moving...
I expect I should be doing something...
Waiting to find out about accomodation...
Yeah.
I'm hoping to visit Damos on the way :-)(((muffled)))
I'm sorry I've been so hopeless lately...
:-(
Posted by muffled on December 20, 2005, at 0:36:38
In reply to Re: » muffled, posted by alexandra_k2 on December 20, 2005, at 0:26:48
Hey Alex, not hopeless, human. Glad you are human so I can talk to you.
Yeah. I guess its a pretty confusing time for you.
Wish I could help somehow, but Canada's pretty far away!!!!
Its would be an interesting thing to ponder if I had more energy, but how we all feel so bad when we feel bad and can't be useful to others. I think we need to be ok that we can't always be at our best and helpful etc. We can just be. Sometimes helpful, sometimes helpless, sometimes just a heckofa lotta fun.
Take care Alex. You a special person.
Muffled
Posted by alexandra_k2 on December 20, 2005, at 0:55:20
In reply to Re: » alexandra_k2, posted by muffled on December 20, 2005, at 0:36:38
> Hey Alex, not hopeless, human. Glad you are human so I can talk to you.
I'm glad you are around too :-) I surely feel pretty hopeless at times. I read and read... But I really struggle with what to say. Or all of it... Is rational mode when I'm likely to get into trouble :-(
> Yeah. I guess its a pretty confusing time for you.
Yeah. Just need to sort it out. Sort stuff out. And I'm hopeless at that at the best of times. And I think I do need to wait to know about accomodation...
> Wish I could help somehow, but Canada's pretty far away!!!!
I hope I can get to Canada one day.
Me and Damos will have to get over to visit you guys one day :-)> Its would be an interesting thing to ponder if I had more energy, but how we all feel so bad when we feel bad and can't be useful to others. I think we need to be ok that we can't always be at our best and helpful etc. We can just be.
Yeah. It is hard. I think... Sometimes I think... That I have a lot to make up for. That my deficiencies... Become glaringly obvious at times... And so I need to do so much better to be half as good. I don't know. I'm raving. I'm sorry...
S> ometimes helpful, sometimes helpless, sometimes just a heckofa lotta fun.
You are special too muffled.
And you can be lots of fun :-)
Something I'm not so good at...
Posted by muffled on December 20, 2005, at 2:00:25
In reply to Re: » muffled, posted by alexandra_k2 on December 20, 2005, at 0:55:20
>
> I surely feel pretty hopeless at times. I read and read... But I really struggle with what to say. Or all of it... Is rational mode when I'm likely to get into trouble :-(***I think a great many people around here feel the same way you do. And we have times when we cringe at what we posted and wonder what on Gods green earth were we thinking? Where was I when I wrote THAT? and so on. Sometimes i just read and read and feel guilty that I don't help out SOMEhow. Or I post to one and not another and I think ,oh no, they'll feel I don't care, but I do. My little pea brain can only hold so much info.
>
> Yeah. Just need to sort it out. Sort stuff out. And I'm hopeless at that at the best of times. And I think I do need to wait to know about accomodation...***Yeah, pretty much need to know where you gonna roost. Sure it'll be fine.
> Me and Damos will have to get over to visit you guys one day :-)
***Yeah, you do that!!!
>
> Yeah. It is hard. I think... Sometimes I think... That I have a lot to make up for. That my deficiencies... Become glaringly obvious at times... And so I need to do so much better to be half as good. I don't know. I'm raving. I'm sorry...
>
***Well, I know MY deficiencies pretty much get me down at times. It is hard.
But its good you can talk here.
Although I noticed over on Admin?, that you were concerned about posting? Have you pretty much laid that to rest?
Sounds like your struggling a bit. I hurt for you. Its not so easy. If you ever feel the need to bail from babble I can give you my real e-mail.
Now I'm the one rambling.
I'm waiting for my doggy treats I made for my T's dogs to come out of the oven. Its 11:55 at night here?! Don't know what possessed me to make these dumb treats at this hour? I'm usu. in bed pretty early.
Sometimes I marvel at my weirdnessess, when they are not harmful, they kinda funny. Or maybe I just real tired!!
Oh well,
Cookies ready.
Muffled.
Posted by Damos on December 20, 2005, at 18:18:40
In reply to Damos, posted by muffled on December 19, 2005, at 22:27:03
> You take care mysterious Damos.Hah! Ya got me. Damos Powers, dysfunctional man of mystery
You take care too sweet Muffled.
Posted by Damos on December 20, 2005, at 19:13:21
In reply to Re: » muffled, posted by alexandra_k2 on December 20, 2005, at 0:55:20
> Me and Damos will have to get over to visit you guys one day :-)
I wonder if either of you realise how nice just being included as an 'and' can make someone feel :-) Thanks.
Posted by alexandra_k2 on December 20, 2005, at 19:54:13
In reply to Re: Thanks » alexandra_k2, posted by Damos on December 20, 2005, at 19:13:21
> I wonder if either of you realise how nice just being included as an 'and' can make someone feel :-) Thanks.
:-)
You are a very sweet guy Damos.
Never *just* an 'and'
:-)
Posted by alexandra_k2 on December 20, 2005, at 19:59:02
In reply to Re: » alexandra_k2, posted by muffled on December 20, 2005, at 2:00:25
> ***I think a great many people around here feel the same way you do. And we have times when we cringe at what we posted and wonder what on Gods green earth were we thinking? Where was I when I wrote THAT? and so on. Sometimes i just read and read and feel guilty that I don't help out SOMEhow. Or I post to one and not another and I think ,oh no, they'll feel I don't care, but I do. My little pea brain can only hold so much info.
lol! yeah i feel the same way at times. sometimes it seems to just roll out of me... othertimes i struggle with figuring out what to say / how to respond... and quite often... i feel guilty about not responding to peoples posts. especially people who respond to so many of mine... i'm really not ignoring them on purpose... it can just be hard to figure out what to say to them at times...
> ***Yeah, pretty much need to know where you gonna roost. Sure it'll be fine.yeah. i hope so.
> ***Yeah, you do that!!!:-)
we will have to try...
i'll get a job one day, I guess ;-)
> ***Well, I know MY deficiencies pretty much get me down at times. It is hard.
> But its good you can talk here.
> Although I noticed over on Admin?, that you were concerned about posting? Have you pretty much laid that to rest?sigh. yeah. i guess. i need this place. so... what am i gonna do? just keep on and hope i don't get myself into too much trouble and / or feel too guilty / ashamed / scared about it.
> I'm waiting for my doggy treats I made for my T's dogs to come out of the oven. Its 11:55 at night here?! Don't know what possessed me to make these dumb treats at this hour? I'm usu. in bed pretty early.
aw. what a sweet thing to do :-)
:-)
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