![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Maynerd on December 4, 2005, at 0:19:27
Echoes of agony ripping through my heart
Leaving me wondering where I should even start
Thinking back to the man who gave his genes to me
Bipolar who jumped of a ferry to die in the sea
Mom battling her own demons had no time for her son
So at age 15 I was alone on the run
Fatal flaw inside trapping me in my own little hell
Hatred for the world putting me in prison cell
19 years old and my depression full blown
Convinced it is my destiny to suffer all alone
Not much later I have the first manic episode of my life
Weeks of sweet insanity on the edge of a knife
Come out of it in California without a dime to my name
Causing me to fill my body full of drugs to hide my shame
So many years a prisoner on this roller coaster ride
Wanting to escape but can’t find any place to hide
Only rule of this life was to stay perpetually high
Waiting impatiently for the day I would finally die
Many things have changed but much has not
I still get scared and hopeful when I hear a gun shot
Meds have brought some balance to my tattered soul
But they haven’t completely stopped the call of that 6 foot hole
So much I have learned about life while in this school
But to be honest I still feel like a worthless fool
Posted by alexandra_k on December 4, 2005, at 20:44:03
In reply to Ramblings of my Soul *triggers*, posted by Maynerd on December 4, 2005, at 0:19:27
i feel like that sometimes too.
the running...
the drugs...
the search for the elusive good feelings...
and then they pass.
the waiting for death.it can be hard.
sometimes...
it feels like life is always like that.
i wonder if thats all i'm really doing
waiting for death
waiting to die
waiting for the pain to go away.but sometimes...
there are moments...
minutes even
hours
days
and very rarely weeks
when i am happy to be alive
and i feel sort of okay about myself.
i think...
i hope...
it just has to get better.
thanks for sharing :-)
Posted by Maynerd on December 5, 2005, at 13:39:25
In reply to Re: Ramblings of my Soul *triggers* » Maynerd, posted by alexandra_k on December 4, 2005, at 20:44:03
I so hope it gets better, all this stress and low self worth thoughts are so overbearing right now. I have overcome so much, learned so much, and made so much peace with who I am and what I have; yet one little thing yanks all that progress right out from under me. Yes, I made a silly mistake, but is a joint worth all this depression and suicidal feelings that it caused?
Posted by alexandra_k on December 5, 2005, at 15:51:38
In reply to Re: Ramblings of my Soul *triggers*, posted by Maynerd on December 5, 2005, at 13:39:25
> I so hope it gets better, all this stress and low self worth thoughts are so overbearing right now.
Yeah. Mine can get like that at times... And in those times it can be really very hard for me to think that life has been / will be anything but that.
> I have overcome so much, learned so much, and made so much peace with who I am and what I have;
:-)
> yet one little thing yanks all that progress right out from under me. Yes, I made a silly mistake, but is a joint worth all this depression and suicidal feelings that it caused?
Ah. I don't think its taken the progress away. Sometimes... Well, sometimes people say three steps foward... Two steps back. But sometimes I think that those 'backward steps' are really things that we can use to help propell us fowards even more.
Can you think of it as a temporary setback?
I seem to be okay for a while...
Then my mood changes...
And it is like all the good times and acomplishments and progress doesn't seem to count for sh*t.
But it does pass...
Though it can be hard to see that at the time.Maybe...
Be gentle with yourself?
Beating yourself up just makes it worse (in my experience)
Oh yeah, and babble about it if that would help.
Sometimes just hearing another person say 'I don't think you need to beat yourself up for that' can help one feel like the burden is lifting.I don't know...
Probably just talking about me...Is it about smoking a joint?
DId that get all those bad feelinging / ruminations going?I smoke a bit sometimes.
To help me sleep
And escape
A little escape from reality
Sometimes it is good for that
But sometimes it gets my head circling round fairly unhelpful circies
depressed thoughts
hopeless thoughts
paranoid thoughtsBest I can say...
Is that in a couple days...
I tend to feel a bit better.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Writing | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.