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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 10 to 34 of 41. Go back in thread:
Posted by cockeyed on September 16, 2005, at 21:46:53
In reply to Words Never Heard But Were Surely Spoken, posted by Toph on September 10, 2005, at 15:28:58
Toph, this 12/31 I signed my self-in. Didn't realize they'd put me in the loony bin. I got out in half a day...and I'm still pissed off cause they put me away when I thought I'd get help but just got to stay with...god forgive me, a bunch of lunatics, spactics[the staff] and people who just lay there. Please, dear god in heaven, never again. I may be crazy, but I ain't as crazy as them. And the staff, oh the staff, were they ever sharing, they'd let you watch game shows...but this rant is wearing.
I told the p-doc who came to interview me that I was going out the door. AMA against medical advice. I've never seen him since but he's a member of my p-doc group. And I pray to god I don't run into the stup. Because I am "crazy" and might knee him in the balls. Let him know something about "feeling" But I'm, I hope, beyond that all. I'll never do nothing. Wouldn't hurt a fly. But maybe call him "ludmilla" That's a joke between me and I.cockeyed.
Posted by Toph on September 21, 2005, at 18:08:09
In reply to Re: Words Never Heard But Were Surely Spoken, posted by cockeyed on September 16, 2005, at 21:46:53
> ...they put me away ...with a bunch of lunatics, spactics[the staff] and people who just lay there... > cockeyed.
c, I've been away at a conference, so this is the first I've read your post and had a chance to respond. I am really disappointed. Yes, with you but more with anyone else in the last 5 days who has read your statement and not responded. Maybe I'm the only one who has been hospitalized that has read it. Before stabilizing on lithium I was, like you were, voluntarily admitted to in-patient psychiatric facilities around Chicago twice for a major depressive episode and three times involuntarily placed for acute psychotic manic episodes. I guess that makes me one of the lunatics to which you refer. As much as I regret that these hospitalizations occured, they nonetheless were necessary. Major depressive episodes were nothing short of torture and motivated me to seek drastic help. When manic I alienate everyone, then develop paranoid delusions that make me a significant risk of harm to myself and others. I do not regret any of my hospitalizations though I was not stranger to physical and chemical restraints, and despite being assaulted by patients who became agitated by my mania. The system is woefully underfunded and staffed by untrained and inept "clinicians." I want you to know, cockeyed, that these necessary inteventions saved my life. Only a century ago I would likely have resided in one of these facilities as an incompetent ward of the state for the rest of my considerably shortened life. I know I am a better social worker and, I hope, a better person for my experiences. I appreciate that my piece in some way stimulated you to share your reaction to having been in a hospital in December. For someone who presumably enjoys the company of others whith mental health issues, your description of those so unfortunate to need hospitalization puzzles and offends me.
Toph, Bipolar I Disorder with psychotic features
Posted by Susan47 on October 18, 2005, at 21:29:44
In reply to Re: Words Never Heard But Were Surely Spoken, posted by Toph on September 21, 2005, at 18:08:09
Question: What does a manic man look and act like and are they sexy? Because I'm thinking they probably are. Also, wondering where Toph is.
Posted by Toph on October 19, 2005, at 16:25:33
In reply to Re: Words Never Heard But Were Surely Spoken, posted by Susan47 on October 18, 2005, at 21:29:44
> Question: What does a manic man look and act like and are they sexy? Because I'm thinking they probably are. Also, wondering where Toph is.
I'd like to give you a serious answer Susan, but can't right now. I'll get back to you, ok? Thank you for asking.
Posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2005, at 20:46:23
In reply to Re: Words Never Heard But Were Surely Spoken, posted by Toph on October 19, 2005, at 16:25:33
But thanks anyway, for the post.
Posted by Toph on October 20, 2005, at 9:57:57
In reply to Re: Words Never Heard But Were Surely Spoken, posted by Susan47 on October 18, 2005, at 21:29:44
> Question: What does a manic man look and act like and are they sexy? Because I'm thinking they probably are. Also, wondering where Toph is.
OK, the answer to your question is many individuals with major manic episodes are hyper-sexual though probably not sexy, unless of course you find wild, horney, delusional, paranoid, psychotic people sexy. I miss having that energy, too bad it can't be controlled. I think there's a difference between manic sexual impulses and the passionate lust for intamacy that I have witnessed you yearn for here on occasion Susan.
I am defective. Sometimes it's OK and all goes well. Sometimes it is not.
Posted by Toph on October 20, 2005, at 13:44:30
In reply to Re: Words » Susan47, posted by Toph on October 20, 2005, at 9:57:57
I meant that you have expressed your passions here, not that you have sought intimacy from anyone here, that I am aware of... whatever.
Posted by Susan47 on October 20, 2005, at 20:27:54
In reply to Re: Words, posted by Toph on October 20, 2005, at 13:44:30
Listen here, you sweet young man you, you have everything good about you and I LIKE you tremendously and don't you go putting yourself down like that anymore. I mean, previously. And I suspect you're a sexy one, all right. I suspect a lot of things, probably none of which are true, but in any case, I remember this one incident on the geriatric psych ward, I know it happens all the time, there's incredible things happening in hospitals, but just because a person's old or has lost it doesn't mean they don't want sex anymore, and isn't willing to go to all kinds of extremes to get it. And no, that isn't sexy at all. But a person can still be kind of whacked and sexy.
Posted by Toph on October 20, 2005, at 21:31:29
In reply to Re: Words » Toph, posted by Susan47 on October 20, 2005, at 20:27:54
Flattery is sexy, like you didn't already know, you hot wacky passionate temptress.
Posted by Susan47 on October 20, 2005, at 22:14:36
In reply to Re: Words » Susan47, posted by Toph on October 20, 2005, at 21:31:29
Now you just quit that, and as GG asks, are you Okay? 'Cause we love you, you know.
Posted by Toph on October 20, 2005, at 23:20:34
In reply to Stop it, Lovey. I hear the dog. ;-) » Toph, posted by Susan47 on October 20, 2005, at 22:14:36
Put simply, I only help some people at work, my wife cried the other day because she feels like I don't love her, I have a hard time showing my kids how much I love them unless there's a crisis, I'm drinking more, I'm sleeping less, I was an unhappy sensitive kid and I'm not much better now. You've been a good friend to me susan. Thank you.
Posted by sunny10 on October 21, 2005, at 9:07:04
In reply to Re:hear the dog. ;-) » Susan47, posted by Toph on October 20, 2005, at 23:20:34
we love you, and
we all have periods of darkness which feel like we will always be "bad" in some way. But those periods do pass and we can once again enjoy the sun and the people we love.
You always express yourself quite well in writing. Have you considered writing letters to those you love telling them how you feel about them? They can then pull out those letters whenever they feel that you aren't being loving enough and realize that you love them but are just going through a rough patch and may not be able to show it....
Just my .02,
sunny10
Posted by Toph on October 21, 2005, at 13:50:23
In reply to Re:just remember two things, » Toph, posted by sunny10 on October 21, 2005, at 9:07:04
I've missed talking with you sunny, I figured that i must have disappointed you somehow. My daughter is in Barcelona for a year and it's wierd how we've had some really good conversations on Instant Messenger which we just don't have on the phone or in person. That's how I learned that she and her sister feared that we were getting a divorce the last time I spend a few nights on the couch. Anyway, did I read that you are thinking about a motorcycle? I daydream about throwing in the towel and buying a vintage Triumph like the one I had when life was simpler.
Posted by Susan47 on October 21, 2005, at 21:05:25
In reply to Re:hear the dog. ;-) » Susan47, posted by Toph on October 20, 2005, at 23:20:34
> Put simply, I only help some people at work, my wife cried the other day because she feels like I don't love her, I have a hard time showing my kids how much I love them unless there's a crisis, I'm drinking more, I'm sleeping less, I was an unhappy sensitive kid and I'm not much better now. You've been a good friend to me susan. Thank you.
You're worn out right now. Completely stuck.
No hug would help you enough, no shoulder would be big enough .. only tears and change will do it.
You're about to go through great change, Toph.
I can feel it.
You're going to be okay.
You're beautiful, your wife is beautiful and she just needs more than you have, right now, and she can get it if you show her where to turn, maybe she could use a professional friend for awhile, to pull up the slack when you need this rejuvenation.
What makes you feel good? Tell me all of the things, including things you think maybe you shouldn't, only because maybe there's some guilt involved.
I wish I could help you. You're a dear, gentle man.
Posted by Susan47 on October 21, 2005, at 21:09:23
In reply to Re:two things, » sunny10, posted by Toph on October 21, 2005, at 13:50:23
And that just means we're better people than we were.
We're deeper, Toph, much, Much Deeper.
Darling, dear, sweet, sensitive man, you hurt so much.
But you needn't. You're beautiful, life is so much more than it ever was. Pain included. Perhaps, even, because of the pain.
Posted by Susan47 on October 21, 2005, at 21:12:01
In reply to Re:two things, » sunny10, posted by Toph on October 21, 2005, at 13:50:23
> I've missed talking with you sunny, I figured that i must have disappointed you somehow. My daughter is in Barcelona for a year and it's wierd how we've had some really good conversations on Instant Messenger which we just don't have on the phone or in person.
Hey Toph, I Messenger with my son too. And those are some great, funny, light-hearted and laughing conversations we have, very much different from the stressful tone he always brings to every phone talk we have. He has to learn to lighten up. Lighten up, A, I tell him .. life is here for you to enjoy. So enjoy a little, and let up on ME, Damn it, so I can Enjoy You!!!!
Darn kid, he takes everything so seriously. I did too damn good of a job, to the point where he's exasperating and I'm sitting here always holding my breath, wondering when the sh*t is finally going to hit the fan.
Posted by Toph on October 21, 2005, at 22:23:53
In reply to Re:two things,, posted by Susan47 on October 21, 2005, at 21:12:01
I'd love to be in a restaurant at the next table watching you and your son have dinner together. Yeah, in India, and I'd be eavesdropping on your conversation enjoying your banter. I'd love to watch you parent and support your son. You wouldn't know its me until I cracked up over something you'd say and that'd blow my cover cause I'd spray curry all over my table and you'd say for all in earshot to hear, "Is that you, Toph? What the f*ck are you doing in India?"
Posted by Toph on October 22, 2005, at 15:40:48
In reply to Re:two things, » Susan47, posted by Toph on October 21, 2005, at 22:23:53
Better skip the mushrooms today.
Posted by Susan47 on October 22, 2005, at 22:08:52
In reply to Re:two things, » Susan47, posted by Toph on October 21, 2005, at 22:23:53
I'd run over and give you the biggest hug you've ever had... curry and all.
Posted by Susan47 on October 22, 2005, at 22:09:27
In reply to Re:two things,, posted by Toph on October 22, 2005, at 15:40:48
Posted by Toph on October 22, 2005, at 23:11:34
In reply to Um, what mushrooms? You? (nm) » Toph, posted by Susan47 on October 22, 2005, at 22:09:27
Psilocybin, peyote, LSD, PCB, coke, hash, canabis... What, do you think I was born this f*cked up?
Posted by Toph on October 22, 2005, at 23:21:38
In reply to Re:two things,, posted by Susan47 on October 22, 2005, at 22:08:52
I'd be most honored to meet your son.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 22, 2005, at 23:53:12
In reply to Re:two things,, posted by Toph on October 22, 2005, at 15:40:48
> Better skip the mushrooms today.
sorry to eavesdrop but did i hear the word *mushrooms*??? yup i do believe i did. of course, the weather is getting colder over your half of the world the mushies are here again heh heh...
on a related theme...
poppies are coming...
;-)
Posted by Toph on October 23, 2005, at 0:25:11
In reply to Re:two things, » Toph, posted by alexandra_k on October 22, 2005, at 23:53:12
Sadly, I was born this way. All the other stuff just made me appreciate it better.
Posted by Susan47 on October 23, 2005, at 10:56:13
In reply to Re: Um, what mushrooms? You? » Susan47, posted by Toph on October 22, 2005, at 23:11:34
Maybe you ought to try cutting down? Are you talking past or present, Toph?
It's nice that you think my son would be a person you'd like to meet.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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