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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 1:00:32
Ideas.
I'm not so sure how long they have been going on
Sometimes now seems like forever and thats all that matters
I'm sick of being ignored
What do I have to do...
What do I have to do???
I'm getting to the point where I'd do it
And I know that if I do something...
Then the consequence will be being ignored
And it will be my fault then well and truely
But I'm getting to the point where I don't f*cking careI'm getting mad
Real mad
And it frightens me a little...
But the point
The point
Is that I have to do something
Because patiently waiting means they ignore me
Politely inquiring means they put me off
Harsh words means they feel justified in ignoring me
And so I have to do something...
Because things have to change
And I really don't think...
I can see any other way
And I'm so damned mad...And I really don't care what they will think
What they will say
Fact is I've been asking for a little help for f*cking years now
And it is their own damned fault
Posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 1:11:07
In reply to Ideas..., posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 1:00:32
And it reminds me of this story I heard when I was a kid
And lets see if I can remember how it goes...
Everybody thought that somebody was responsible, but somebody thought that everybody was responsible,
So (as usual) nobody is responsible.And thats how it is with me
Yeah I *should* get treatment
But who in particular *should* treat me?
Nobody
Thats who
And there is no f*cking point saying that I *deserve* treatment
There is no f*cking point saying that I am *entitled* to recieve treatment
No f*cking point saying that I *should* get treatmentBecause the fact is that nobody is responsible
And thats the story of my life.And the reason thats the story of my life...
Is because thats how the f*cking world works
For some people anywayAnd of course the real responsibility lies with me etc etc etc
But of course thats just an excuse to get me to f*ck off
And my future...
Is a joke really
And I wish to god that they had some of that
So they can see how it feels
And at this point in time
I'm not feeling so very charitable
I would like to say in their faces
SEE HOW IT F*CKING FEELSAnd yeah they won't understand why
People can be stupid like that
But I'm not going to just go away
And I really don't see that they should be allowed to get away with this.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 1:15:25
In reply to Re: Ideas..., posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 1:11:07
and of course it won't do me any good
it won't get me treatment
but i'm realising that there isn't a goddamned thing that i can do to get treatment anyways
my actions make no f*cking difference whatsoever
unless they can be construed as a way of *justifying* the no treatment decision that has already been made.But its not even about that anymore.
Not at this point.Its about them knowing how pain feels
Knowing that somebody *should* help
But that nobody is going toAnd I appreciate that it won't help me
But it would give me a kind of satisfactionAt this point... Oh yes indeed it would
Posted by Damos on September 21, 2005, at 17:56:30
In reply to Re: Ideas..., posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 1:15:25
Don't know what to say.
Yes, your anger is justified - more than justified
Yes, acting on it would indeed make you feel better. Oh my lordy yes it would, and I know that desire so very well.
No, what they have done and continue to do isn't right or fair
Yes, it is cruel and unfeeling
And that's the point. The system has no feelings, but you do.
And if you were to act on your feelings right now the only person who would be hurt is you. Well you and those you care so very much about you.
Dammit all, write to Helen Clarke. Don't mess about. Hell, I've written Prime Ministers and Presidents when I've really had my dander up, and that was about stuff that wasn't even personal to me. You have my absolute promise that I will help in any way I can to get you the help you need. Just let me know what I can do.Care about you heaps Alex. Don't let these #%^*&*$%^s beat you down.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 19:04:29
In reply to Re: Ideas... » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on September 21, 2005, at 17:56:30
Thank you Damos :-)
I guess that mostly I am just venting.
Yeah, I get some serious action urges going on sometimes - but I don't have the means.
And I am pretty sure...
That if I ever felt serious enough about it to obtain the means - I would snap out of it before I did anything.
And get rid of whatever I had got.
So I'm pretty sure... That its okay...> And if you were to act on your feelings right now the only person who would be hurt is you.
Yeah. I know that really.
Sigh.> Dammit all, write to Helen Clarke.
But she might not even end up being PM...
And if Brash gets in I'm sure he won't have much sympathy. I mean... I don't even count as a 'New Zealander' because he reserves that term for people who are working. I don't think he would be at all sympathetic to the limitations of our (free) health service...
:-(
Besides which...
More to the point...
I don't want people to know my dx.Thanks.
I am feeling a bit better today
:-)
Posted by Damos on September 21, 2005, at 19:25:26
In reply to Re: Ideas... » Damos, posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 19:04:29
Yeah, and it's important that you do where it's safe. Let some air out of the balloon before it bursts.
You'd laugh, one of my Fiance colleagues told me yesterday that just by my body language and the look on my face he knew he didn't want to know the unspeakable acts I was visiting upon him in my mind.
It's a real trap isn't it. You can't get anyone to give the system a 'rocket' on your behalf without having to tell them stuff that's none of their damn business, and that everyone who's doing nothing for you within the system already damn well knows. Just plain sux.
And I'm praying for Helen Clarke victory. Brash is just a taller version of our little Johnny (big sigh)
Glad you're feeling better today :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 21:28:02
In reply to Re: Ideas... » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on September 21, 2005, at 19:25:26
(((((Damos)))))
Thank you
I am feeling a lot better
This is the end of the thread.
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